'What It's Like To Be British'

You silly British people with your silly Tea parties.
 
An awful lot of those apply to Irish folks as well. Especially the tea shit. They love their tea.

The Irish drink tea? I thought they only drank alcohol.
 
I don't think these things are *just* British problems, but I have to say that pretty much every single one of them equates to me.

• Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
Must change conversation quickly.
• Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
I always wait until the cashier tells me to remove my card despite the card reader saying remove now just in case it blows up
• Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
Time to get the beanie out and cry inside silently.
• Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
That told them
• The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of coffee you forgot about
• Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
Hoping somebody else calls their name out.
• Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
Please stop, if it's important they'll leave a message.
• Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
That can't be me, must change voice.
• Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again

Every New Years.
 
In between copious amounts of Guinness and Jameson, most definitely yes.:)

The Irish in the US drink coffee but it's usually Irish coffee. Lots of alcohol, very little coffee.
 
Most of these just sound to me like being civilised and not having to fight for scraps of meat on the street ?
 
The Irish in the US drink coffee but it's usually Irish coffee. Lots of alcohol, very little coffee.

I can imagine, regarding tea anyway I way able to find this:

Tea-globally1.png
 
dont forget those british teeth that give them the ability to eat corn on the cob through a chain linked fence.
 
For one year of your life boycott good food and sunlight, refuse to go to the dentist and give a random family money and adoration simply because they tell you they are better than you and that you should. Also, place R's where they don't belong at the end of words when speaking and refer to yourself as 'Us' in conversation.

Boom... You're now English.
 
For one year of your life boycott good food and sunlight, refuse to go to the dentist and give a random family money and adoration simply because they tell you they are better than you and that you should. Also, place R's where they don't belong at the end of words when speaking and refer to yourself as 'Us' in conversation.

Boom... You're now English.

U wot m8
 
Best-cut suits in the world. Y'all Brits got style.
 
I don't know about all that but I do know It's SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by. We're ruled by effete arseholes. It's a SHITE state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference!

Don't you have better weather? And you invented golf. That counts for something right?
 
this is a a great list and thoroughly true for me. could've been taken right from my thoughts

What about being effeminate?

i could add one:

When you tell people you're a drag queen, you say "I'm a queen, not THE Queen."
 
"anyone sitting here?"...

Listen you cunt, move your bag. If you think I am standing from Manor House all the way to Picadilly so your bag can have a seat you've got another thing coming...

I'm originally from Derry, so if I'm on a train in the (uncontested parts of the) UK, damn right I'm saying this, skippy!

Fuckin brits and their stupid bags. Breast thú!
 
Didn't read all of 'em but the train ticket "woo hoo!" thing was funny and definitely "is anyone sitting there". I'm VERY guilty of that, when I'm in the UK now I have a big fucking bag which won't go overhead so sorry. If you want it on your lap go for it, otherwise... Suitcases are a problem too because they clog up the entry/exit ways.

And the zebra crossings? I got knocked over on one, ffs. Literally up in the air knocked over.
 
For one year of your life boycott good food and sunlight, refuse to go to the dentist and give a random family money and adoration simply because they tell you they are better than you and that you should. Also, place R's where they don't belong at the end of words when speaking and refer to yourself as 'Us' in conversation.

Boom... You're now English.
...and now I live in The Commonwealth.
 
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