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UFC 155 Predictions

Negative Zero

Purple Belt
Dec 9, 2012
Reaction score
Allow me to introduce myself. Or I’ll punch you in the fucking knee. I am Negative Zero, predictor of like, whatever. Here are my predictions of UFC 155: The 155th Numbered UFC Event.

I’ve decided for this event I am not going to do any research at all other than for the list of fights or even have the internet open while I write this in Microsoft Word (Product Activation Failed). So this will be written with only my own knowledge, which is to say infinite knowledge.

Junior Dos Santos vs Cain Velasquez

Much like the concept of negative zero, this fight does not make any sense. Not because Cain is overmatched (and he totally is) but because they already fought, and Dos Santos knocked him out. Rematches are stupid. Fights always go the same way twice. I've got Dos Santos winning by thumb-fisted overhand right KO.

“But that’s not true!”, you might rebuke.

“Shut up Leslie.”, I might reply condescendingly, to emasculate you while narrating with bombastic language. You see, the truth is Cain may be good at wrestling and stuff, but what he lacks is the ability to win this fight.

Jim Miller vs Joe Lauzon

Jim Miller fought that guy from the ultimate fighter, Charles Oliviera. That was a really good fight. Jim Miller has been around a long time I believe and is coming off a(n) (impressive) win(?) over (somebody?) (maybe a loss?) and is fighting old creepy Joe, which I think people still call him.

Should be a great fight, definitely fight of the night. I predict an easy omoplata win for Lauzon.

Tim Boetsch vs Constantinos Philippou

Boetsch, Boetsch, Boetsch. What can you say about Boetsch? Not a lot if you only remember his last two fights and then vaguely remember him not winning so much in the past. The man knocks out Lombard with a brutal decision and now he’s facing a guy who I badly want to Google? The good news is he’ll be back to facing name fighters once he submits Philippou at 5:00 of round 3 by split decision for fight of the night.

Yushin Okami vs Alan Belcher

What must suck about being Okami is the fact that he constantly lives in the shadow of a game he could never be as awesome as. This is an intriguing matchup because it may or may not be a rematch I think. Belcher is awesome, keeps improving, and Okami is hungry for a win and for rice.

Okay that’s stupid. Anyway, gonna call it for Belcher but it should be the kind of fight they show on the PPV.

Chris Leben vs Derek Brunson

I have to go with the fatherless bastard here, as redundant as that insulting nickname is. Leben’s in good shape, becoming very well rounded even if he’s still as slow as an inept writer searching for a good analogy.

But to be fair, Derek Brunson is a human male MMA fighter who is participating in this bout. If anyone has more info on him please respond below.

Brad Pickett vs Eddie Wineland

Eddie’s ancestors were wine-makers. They made an entire land of wine.

Erik Perez vs Byron Bloodworth

Byron is WORTH his weight in BLOOD. But ERIK is not just some average PEREZ.

Perez by inside-out regurgitating tibia crank.

Melvin Guillard vs Jamie Varner

This is my pick for fight of the night. Both fighters coming off fight of the night bonuses, both fighters used to winning fight of the night, both fighters enjoy fighting in the night, one fighter who fights at night is damn near invisible fighting in the night/night fighting, right? Tight. They'll fight right before midnight. Out of sight.

Anyway, I predict Guillard gets the KO late round 2.

Michael Johnson vs Myles Jury

Picking Myles Jury, because it’s his duty.

Todd Duffee vs Philip De Fries

Oh yeah, Duffee! I remember this guy. He’s that dude that won superfast and was consequently the real deal. Well De Fries is here to spoil that, I assume.

De by KO.

John Moraga vs Chris Cariaso

Is there really still more fights? Fucking Christ. Moraga via joke thing… whatever.

Max Holloway vs Leonard Garcia

It will be oh so satisfying to watch Leonard Garcia get KO’d by the superior (Boxing?) (Muay Thai?) (probably everything?) of Holloway. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he falls face first on the mat and then gets back up and looks into the camera while his arm is raised for winning by split decision.

There it is guys. I didn't feel like looking a bunch of stuff up so let me know where I may have made a mistake or something.
Fights always go the same way in a rematch? no. You haven't seen Randy/Chuck 2? Shogun/Machida 2? Hendo/Wandy 2? Cro Cop/Wandy 2? Chuck/Horn 2? Diaz/Noons 2? GSP/Serra 2?

Go away, TS.
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too long to read, read it anyway. not funny, i just wasted my time.
On another note...I can't wait for all of the Fight of the Night awards!
Thanks TS!
Not bad, I cracked a smile. It was better than I could do, thusly...

Fights always go the same way in a rematch? no. You haven't seen Randy/Chuck 2? Shogun/Machida 2? Hendo/Wandy 2? Cro Cop/Wandy 2? Chuck/Horn 2? Diaz/Noons 2? GSP/Serra 2?

Go away, TS.
Great info thanks! Do you have any more examples?
Cain via GNP Round One or JDS via KO if Cain can't get the TD within 60 seconds.
I disagree with your disagreeing with Okami. Okami has very wrestling like skills as showcased in many of his fights, such as against the fighters who he has used many of his wrestling skills against and showcased many of them against fighters who've been used by him for his wrestling skills. Also, apparently he has Judo, which is a art of martials which, like, throws armbars at people... or something. Belcher has never been one for the wrestle-business, and thus isn't capable of defeating the wrestling judo of Okami, which Okami already did to him in the first fight, the second of which is going to happen after the first next week this Saturday. Truthingly, this is how I feel about this fight matchup for the future.
I dunno.. I think Belcher and his terrible tattoo will win this one. Okamis chin isnt what it used to be.