Trying to make sense of a situation at work

Dude, she obviously wants you, or at least a reason to break up with him and try with you. Digging up your number could be something that got her in trouble at work.

She's probably still dependent on this asshole for something, whether it be living arrangements, companionship/friendship, or just fear of being alone. The fact that she told you she wasn't happy is more than what most girls would do. No girl would open up that much to a guy they didn't have an interest in.


Unless she thought he was gay and immediately friend-zoned his ass
 
Surprise, surprise, a girl that just wants to feel pretty and validated. She has time for friends and alcohol, but not for you? Well, yeah. Friends and alcohol are fun. Evaluate your reactions right now. You go from telling her that you have feelings to telling her to never talk to you again to wanting to have a serious conversation about your not-a-relationship to telling her to never talk to you again. At what point does that sound fun? She already told you that she's not happy with her boyfriend! You're not fun, you're work. When you were the forbidden employee at your job, you were exciting and attractive to her. That's fun. But now, you're a headache and a half. My suggestion is to move on, go have fun with some of your fellow female students (seriously, you're in college, so it's not like there's a shortage of awesome sex to be had), and become fun again. Maybe this girl will come to see you as a source of fun and learn to appreciate you again, but you need some time away from this for a while. This sort of stuff will work itself out when you don't try so hard.


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I have a little tear welling up in my eye because that was such a beautiful breakdown. You saw it exactly how I did, he's no fun he's work. All she wanted was to have some fun and that didn't necessarily mean he was gonna have an open door to plow her either. If that was gonna become a possibility its probably better anyways that it never happened because he would have become the fatal attraction guy with all these feelings he has without even knowing her. If they fucked, oh damn imagine.
 
Sounds fake or you are dense as fuck, she called me at 2:50 am 10 minutes before the bar closed so I got mad and didn't talk to her. Yeah okay buddy
 
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I have a little tear welling up in my eye because that was such a beautiful breakdown. You saw it exactly how I did, he's no fun he's work. All she wanted was to have some fun and that didn't necessarily mean he was gonna have an open door to plow her either. If that was gonna become a possibility its probably better anyways that it never happened because he would have become the fatal attraction guy with all these feelings he has without even knowing her. If they fucked, oh damn imagine.
You get it. All women want fun, and cheating on their boyfriends isn't fun for all of them. But some nice attention from a dude is pretty fun. I don't understand why most guys can't just take an honest assessment of the situation, realizing what a woman is really looking for. Ever wonder why the sweet, sensitive, overly romantic guy sometimes loses big? Why the playboy who kills it at the bars and clubs gets crushed when he's trying to go after someone he's known for years? It's not rocket science, but most people are so focused on how they feel in the moment that they forget to step back and do some human analysis.
 
You get it. All women want fun, and cheating on their boyfriends isn't fun for all of them. But some nice attention from a dude is pretty fun. I don't understand why most guys can't just take an honest assessment of the situation, realizing what a woman is really looking for. Ever wonder why the sweet, sensitive, overly romantic guy sometimes loses big? Why the playboy who kills it at the bars and clubs gets crushed when he's trying to go after someone he's known for years? It's not rocket science, but most people are so focused on how they feel in the moment that they forget to step back and do some human analysis.


I remember when I was in grade school and seeing couples walking around holding hands thinking to myself there are far too many good looking chicks here for me to be seen with just one lol. Not that I was a playa or anything but I always thought it was better to leave that door open and try and keep what I was doing with a girl on the DL. Feelings are cool after you develop a relationship by really getting involved in someones life and knowing them thoroughly, but why even waste your effort before that even happens? TS needs to slow his roll and chill, like you said just have some fun and see where that road leads him. You can't force someone to like you in the end anyways so why put more pressure on the situation? He tried to force her hand by telling her not to contact him anymore even though he was hoping for the opposite, see saw the same thing.

Sometimes you have to exit yourself and look at the situation from the outside
 
I remember when I was in grade school and seeing couples walking around holding hands thinking to myself there are far too many good looking chicks here for me to be seen with just one lol. Not that I was a playa or anything but I always thought it was better to leave that door open and try and keep what I was doing with a girl on the DL. Feelings are cool after you develop a relationship by really getting involved in someones life and knowing them thoroughly, but why even waste your effort before that even happens? TS needs to slow his roll and chill, like you said just have some fun and see where that road leads him. You can't force someone to like you in the end anyways so why put more pressure on the situation? He tried to force her hand by telling her not to contact him anymore even though he was hoping for the opposite, see saw the same thing.

Sometimes you have to exit yourself and look at the situation from the outside
Sherdog, True Form is a voice of experience. Listen to the man. Hespect.
 
Sherdog, True Form is a voice of experience. Listen to the man. Hespect.

Touche' my good man but I'm not as eloquent with my words as you are. I was actually blown away by your post as it was the first one to really break down what the fuck was going on and come across clearly.

Cheers Sub_thug
 
You absolutely dip ur pen in company ink. That late night booty call where's ur chance to audition to be her new man. If u lay it down proper ur in...if not u got laid. Step ur game up dude.
 
I've been the dick in the grass before and all you have to do is keep banging her good and make her want to be with you over him. If she's not happy with him, show her what it's like to be with you and ideally be better than him.
 
You get it. All women want fun, and cheating on their boyfriends isn't fun for all of them. But some nice attention from a dude is pretty fun. I don't understand why most guys can't just take an honest assessment of the situation, realizing what a woman is really looking for. Ever wonder why the sweet, sensitive, overly romantic guy sometimes loses big? Why the playboy who kills it at the bars and clubs gets crushed when he's trying to go after someone he's known for years? It's not rocket science, but most people are so focused on how they feel in the moment that they forget to step back and do some human analysis.

A lot of guys think women are impressed with the level of feeling a guy has for them. I blame pop culture romcoms etc. for painting a picture of women that is very different from how women really are. They want fun, excitement, entertainment, etc. They don't care at all if one guy wants them more than others unless that just happens to be the guy they want as well. Their logic on relationships isn't exactly like a guy but it's much closer than some people think.
 
A lot of guys think women are impressed with the level of feeling a guy has for them. I blame pop culture romcoms etc. for painting a picture of women that is very different from how women really are. They want fun, excitement, entertainment, etc. They don't care at all if one guy wants them more than others unless that just happens to be the guy they want as well. Their logic on relationships isn't exactly like a guy but it's much closer than some people think.
It's the selfish nature of humanity at work. We tend to use our own feelings as justification for trying to control our own universe, but that isn't how the world works. Imagine a parallel scenario: Let's say that I showed up to a hotdog eating contest with 10 pounds of hamburger buns. The hotdog people would look at me like I was an idiot. If my justification was, "Well, I have these hamburger buns because I liked them," then hotdog people will want nothing to do with me. People do this all the time with their feelings in relationships. TS has all these feelings for the girl. He has the metaphorical hamburger buns. But the girl doesn't want hamburger buns. She wants something else entirely. TS is upset that she doesn't want said hamburger buns, and because he has them, he doesn't know what to do with them.

Relationships and dating aren't really that complicated. You need to do an honest analysis of what your situation actually is. If you have strong feelings, you need to find a place where those feelings are wanted. Otherwise, you need to bring something else to the table. That analysis will tell you what to bring. This girl clearly just wants some fun and validation, so whoever brings that will be the winner here.
 
It's the selfish nature of humanity at work. We tend to use our own feelings as justification for trying to control our own universe, but that isn't how the world works. Imagine a parallel scenario: Let's say that I showed up to a hotdog eating contest with 10 pounds of hamburger buns. The hotdog people would look at me like I was an idiot. If my justification was, "Well, I have these hamburger buns because I liked them," then hotdog people will want nothing to do with me. People do this all the time with their feelings in relationships. TS has all these feelings for the girl. He has the metaphorical hamburger buns. But the girl doesn't want hamburger buns. She wants something else entirely. TS is upset that she doesn't want said hamburger buns, and because he has them, he doesn't know what to do with them.

Relationships and dating aren't really that complicated. You need to do an honest analysis of what your situation actually is. If you have strong feelings, you need to find a place where those feelings are wanted. Otherwise, you need to bring something else to the table. That analysis will tell you what to bring. This girl clearly just wants some fun and validation, so whoever brings that will be the winner here.

Well people do tend to think about what's best for them. I think a certain type of guy that doesn't have a lot of experience and doesn't understand women that well, can really get confused by the way women are portrayed by culture and the media.


I know when I was younger I thought a girl should be impressed by how much I cared or because I had such strong feelings or whatever. It's really the opposite though, relationships like everything else are a power struggle. Admitting feelings too soon lowers your value and negotiating power. Women only care how much you want them when you are also what they want. Any other time it's a buzzkill.

I understand feeling like it should matter when you have such strong feelings, but like you said it's worthless if you are not what she's looking for.
 
I've worked at this establishment for close to 5 months now and I fell in love with this chick. It turned out she was already taken so I completely gave up any hope of reaching out to her. A couple of months later I receive a phone text from an unknown number inviting me to a bar. It was her!

She dug up my number from employee files (she's higher up in the hierarchy). We go out a couple of times. She even introduces me to her mom. At this point I feel obliged to inquire about her relationship with the boyfriend. She claims she's unhappy and believes the only reason why they're still together is fear of losing her entourage. She's very good friends with the guy's mother.

Then come the suggestive pictures she sent me via SMS. I couldn't take it anymore and admitted I had strong feelings towards her. She didn't reciprocate though. The next day she calls me at 2:50 AM to invite me to a bar which was about to close. I was pissed and cut her off for a while. Shit is driving me nuts, what's going on?


She called you at 2:50 to go out and you didn't go. You lose. You should have gone. If she left you high and dry after that, then forget the cock teasing bitch.
 
Sounds fake or you are dense as fuck, she called me at 2:50 am 10 minutes before the bar closed so I got mad and didn't talk to her. Yeah okay buddy
They just don't make fake threads like they used to. Where's StephanieB when you need her/him/they?
 
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Well people do tend to think about what's best for them. I think a certain type of guy that doesn't have a lot of experience and doesn't understand women that well, can really get confused by the way women are portrayed by culture and the media.


I know when I was younger I thought a girl should be impressed by how much I cared or because I had such strong feelings or whatever. It's really the opposite though, relationships like everything else are a power struggle. Admitting feelings too soon lowers your value and negotiating power. Women only care how much you want them when you are also what they want. Any other time it's a buzzkill.

I understand feeling like it should matter when you have such strong feelings, but like you said it's worthless if you are not what she's looking for.
Yeah, a lot of guys believe that the over-the-top proclamations of love are the key to a woman's heart. Like the rest of humanity, they want to have fun and feel normal emotions. I wouldn't say that admitting your feelings is a power thing though. When it's appropriate, then you should absolutely a woman how you feel. Holding things back is a sign of weakness, not power.
 
She wanted to bang, bro. She didn't like the stress she got from her bad and wanted to release a little steam. And she was drunk off her ass and would have regretted it in the morning.
 
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