Trying to make sense of a situation at work

ScriptReadsMe said:
I've worked at this establishment for close to 5 months now and I fell in love with this chick. It turned out she was already taken so I completely gave up any hope of reaching out to her. A couple of months later I receive a phone text from an unknown number inviting me to a bar. It was her!

She dug up my number from employee files (she's higher up in the hierarchy). We go out a couple of times. She even introduces me to her mom. At this point I feel obliged to inquire about her relationship with the boyfriend. She claims she's unhappy and believes the only reason why they're still together is fear of losing her entourage. She's very good friends with the guy's mother.

Then come the suggestive pictures she sent me via SMS. I couldn't take it anymore and admitted I had strong feelings towards her. She didn't reciprocate though. The next day she calls me at 2:50 AM to invite me to a bar which was about to close. I was pissed and cut her off for a while. Shit is driving me nuts, what's going on?
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She wants an out from a relationship she's not happy in. But she's not completely sold on it so she's jerking you around. Best to try to hit it and quit it. You don't need that drama.
 
ScriptReadsMe said:
It's not a career job, but a small job to provide for my studies (full-time both) What happened is that she reaches out to me when she seeks validation, or when she's tipsy. Otherwise I'm sitting on the shelf. She broke the radio silence once so I invited her in hopes of resolving this like adults but the answer never came. She said she fell asleep (at 20h00!). The next day she sends me a picture of her having drinks in a bar late at night. Then I deduced that she has time for alcohol and friends, but none for me. So i reiterated in a blunt way not to ever contact me again.
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Surprise, surprise, a girl that just wants to feel pretty and validated. She has time for friends and alcohol, but not for you? Well, yeah. Friends and alcohol are fun. Evaluate your reactions right now. You go from telling her that you have feelings to telling her to never talk to you again to wanting to have a serious conversation about your not-a-relationship to telling her to never talk to you again. At what point does that sound fun? She already told you that she's not happy with her boyfriend! You're not fun, you're work. When you were the forbidden employee at your job, you were exciting and attractive to her. That's fun. But now, you're a headache and a half. My suggestion is to move on, go have fun with some of your fellow female students (seriously, you're in college, so it's not like there's a shortage of awesome sex to be had), and become fun again. Maybe this girl will come to see you as a source of fun and learn to appreciate you again, but you need some time away from this for a while. This sort of stuff will work itself out when you don't try so hard.
 
ScriptReadsMe said:
MoparOrNoCar: First paragraph sums it up very well! That's exactly what happened, at least from my perspective. Developed a crush, the fire died but not completely, then she throws oil and TNT on it with those conflicting messages and innuendos. I'll do as you say and let time take its coarse. I suppose this will give us both an occasion to really ponder what we want in life.
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We've all been there man. You have to learn your lesson and move on. Just don't be the guy who's always making that same mistake. It obviously sucks.

Also as a side note, I'm not saying become jaded when I say don't develop crushes on girls. I'm just saying if you work with a chick and you think she's attractive and you eventually find out that she's a cool chick, then try and get at that asap (not via telling her how much you like her). If she's not interested, then just leave it be and move on to another one. There's no sense in letting that crush build over time because it just makes it that much harder to get over.

There's a time and a place to tell a girl your feelings for her and you just let all that out way way too early. Girls like the chase. They like it when you're mysterious so they can try and analyze what they think is going on in your head. Remember, they have guys chasing after them constantly. Don't place yourself there. You had her chasing after you and you completely flipped it around and chased her. Now you're with the rest of the guys she's not sleeping with. It's a stupid ass game but it's how the world works. Make small talk and make it seem like you don't really care that much. Don't make it seem like you're mad at her or anything. Just make it seem like it's no big deal at all. If you didn't ruin it already, she will come back and start chasing you again. I just fear that you ruined it by making it seem like you're too much work as another poster pointed out. Just remember that this girl is absolutely off limits when it comes to anything more than just sleeping together so take any other thoughts that are going on in your head and chuck them in the trash immediately.
 
just to add something else to this conversation: in my experience, i have never initiated relationships with women. it has always been them who bring up the, "relationship" word. so my point, is to express the idea that a woman will let YOU know if there is going to be a relationship, and then it's up to you whether you actually want to be serious with the girl.

like what occurred in this situation, the man initiated something more than the woman was intending, and it totally backfired and put her on the spot about whether there was something more to this interaction. be cool and casual with women, and let nature do it's work.
 
To the last 3 posters, thank you! You're a wealth of information. I will read and reread your posts and apply every bit of information there is. I think I am too pragmatic when I approach girls. Such creatures shouldn't be dealt with logic apparently. Every sign points West and they claim East
 
You're a booty call, TS.

A Beta booty call.
 
BisexualMMA said:
If you're talking about suggestive pictures, I'm guessing you haven't closed the deal yet in the sack...

Inviting you to a bar 10 minutes before it closes? All you had to do was show up and the deal was done, brah.

She may well have texted you at 2:50 because she was on the prowl for something else and didn't find it, but at worst you were her backup plan for the night.

That's my take.
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Totally fucking THIS TS, you're coming across as slightly retarded, but hey there's nothing wrong with that. We all do dumb shit. This is your dumb shit. Don't be so emotional and bang the chick, then bang some more. Then bang some other chicks.
 
You remind me of myself ts. As others mentioned it may SEEM like a good idea to chase them and make these dramatic declarations about your feelings and whatnot.


Women absolutely hate that though, it's seriously girl repellant. Whether you're good with women or not, or often meet girls you have chemistry with or not, you can't start thinking of a girl your not already in a serious relationship with as "the one".

Women have all kinds of guys they don't want throwing themselves at them all the time, you'll end up just another one of them. Like it or not you have to play games with women to an extent, it's just how they're wired.


Also, you shouldn't be aiming to grab a girl in a relationship and immediately start a serious relationship with her. That's just a horrible, horrible idea. She's already shown you that she starts window shopping when she's bored or unhappy.


Your ego will lead you to believe it would be different with you, but it would not. You're not going to drastically change someone's character just by dating them, that's romcom stuff.


Best of luck dude.
 
Best thing you have going for you is you're able to listen to advice. You'll be fine. Practice makes perfect.
 
I quit my job. Some might say it was the dumbest thing to do, but it feels good
 
You fucked up when you didn't send dick pics.
 
Well, what kind of suggestive pics were they? Nudes?
 
Hell yea script. Jobs are for people with responsibilities like buying alcohol or going on vacations. Fuck work. Quitting work was the best decision you made all thread.

The world is your oyster. Hopefully not one of those oysters that gave me food poisoning though.
 
ScriptReadsMe said:
I've worked at this establishment for close to 5 months now and I fell in love with this chick. It turned out she was already taken so I completely gave up any hope of reaching out to her. A couple of months later I receive a phone text from an unknown number inviting me to a bar. It was her!

She dug up my number from employee files (she's higher up in the hierarchy). We go out a couple of times. She even introduces me to her mom. At this point I feel obliged to inquire about her relationship with the boyfriend. She claims she's unhappy and believes the only reason why they're still together is fear of losing her entourage. She's very good friends with the guy's mother.

Then come the suggestive pictures she sent me via SMS. I couldn't take it anymore and admitted I had strong feelings towards her. She didn't reciprocate though. The next day she calls me at 2:50 AM to invite me to a bar which was about to close. I was pissed and cut her off for a while. Shit is driving me nuts, what's going on?
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You are gay. Tell her you just want to be friends.
 
ts, I hope, for your sake, you're able to take the advice dished out in here and apply it going forward. Good luck
 
So this is the second time recently that someone quit their job over workplace flirtation then? I don't even
 
ScriptReadsMe said:
I've worked at this establishment for close to 5 months now and I fell in love with this chick. It turned out she was already taken so I completely gave up any hope of reaching out to her. A couple of months later I receive a phone text from an unknown number inviting me to a bar. It was her!

She dug up my number from employee files (she's higher up in the hierarchy). We go out a couple of times. She even introduces me to her mom. At this point I feel obliged to inquire about her relationship with the boyfriend. She claims she's unhappy and believes the only reason why they're still together is fear of losing her entourage. She's very good friends with the guy's mother.

Then come the suggestive pictures she sent me via SMS. I couldn't take it anymore and admitted I had strong feelings towards her. She didn't reciprocate though. The next day she calls me at 2:50 AM to invite me to a bar which was about to close. I was pissed and cut her off for a while. Shit is driving me nuts, what's going on?
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uhh dude, she wants to just fuck, how is that unclear to you?
 
Don't do it, you fucking piece of shit. "Unhappy with relationship" is the #1 excuse girls use to cheat on their boyfriends. It gives it some sort of validity and makes them feel better about themselves when they cheat.
 
WorldofWarcraft said:
Don't do it, you fucking piece of shit. "Unhappy with relationship" is the #1 excuse girls use to cheat on their boyfriends. It gives it some sort of validity and makes them feel better about themselves when they cheat.
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Pretty much. Everyone male and female uses that as a blank fucking check to cheat. Dudes are happy to scoop these girls up as wife material too. "Oh you don't understand the relationship wasn't perfect it's cool". Hope you feel like that when someone else is fucking her when you're with her in a year or two.
 
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