Tips for Brazilian Steakhouses for the Masculine Man

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Rhood, Jan 26, 2020.

  1. Rhood Gold Belt

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    Here are some things you should and shouldn't do while dining at Brazilian Steakhouses.
    These places have all you can eat steaks & salad options.


    1) Do not eat from the salad bar unless they have hot peppers or onions.
    The waiters there will encourage you to eat from the salad bar as soon as you sit down.
    This is pure deception on their part to get you to eat less meat.
    Hot peppers and onions are the only suggestions to digest your food quicker.

    2) When a Gaúcho comes by your table with meat, refuse the cheapest items they offer.
    Items like chicken thighs, beef ribs, and pork whatever are fillers.
    You came to a steakhouse, not Dennys.

    3) Picanha is Top Sirloin
    It is NOT the best cut of meat. Don't let those idiots fool into thinking that Picanha came from heaven and fell onto your plate.

    4) Avoid bottom Sirloin
    This is also known as Tri-Tip
    This is the type of steak that people eat on a budget.

    5) Make a request for your favorite meats
    Ribeye & Filet Mignon are the best choices.
    If they don't serve either one, then you get up from your table and leave!!
    That place is worst than McDonald's!!!

    6) Ask for the big Kahuna
    Who the hell wants to eat just a tiny slice of ribeye?
    Fuck that! You ask them for the whole cut on their serving stick.
    Tell them you are offended they think you are Somalian. (Somalians hardly eat and have small stomachs)

    7) DO NOT EAT DESSERT!!!!
    This is the worst punishment for your body.
    Eating a large amount of sugar after eating a large amount of protein will convert into fat.
    People will call you tubby or Fat Albert when you go back to work.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2020
  2. Cole train Silver Belt

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    Never been to a restaurant except fast food
     
  3. Drain Bamage Guitar God 420

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  4. weed ベルセルク

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    churrasco with a side of chocha please.
     
  5. DaleBoca Gold Belt

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    Brazilian asado sucks ass. Nowhere as good as Argentine.
     
  6. JabToucher Banned Banned

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    The big kahuna?

    Sounds sexual!
     
  7. KONG-D'SNT-TAP Banned Banned

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    These steak places suck.

    Overpriced and way too salty.

    Just go to a good steak house and pay the same money.
     
  8. John Mabrey The artist formerly known as murillaninjascrilla

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    Cringe post
     
  9. John Mabrey The artist formerly known as murillaninjascrilla

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    Ts is a fuckin edgelord
     
  10. HARRISON_3 Steel Belt

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    [​IMG]
     
  11. MoparOrNoCar Red Belt

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    What's a serloin?
     
  12. ThaiSexPills Pulsing tainted viagra

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    Unpopular opinion but steak is overrated. I’ve been to some pretty high end steakhouses and meh. I don’t get why some people equate liking steak to some personality trait associated with manliness.
     
  13. Midnighter Silver Belt

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    It can be...if you want.

    <{yearp}>
     
  14. Dober4 Banned Banned

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    Picanha is a very good cut though. Tender and has the perfect amount of fat. Tri tip is also very good.

    nobody listen to this “man”
     
  15. Midnighter Silver Belt

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    [​IMG]
     
  16. Satsui Ryu Black Belt

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    They use it as a way to hide the love for their favorite steak... tube steak.

    And there is so much wrong in the OP. I think I'd get carpal tunnel explaining it all.
     
  17. sleepyguard85 Green Belt

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    Only if there’s eye contact
    and there will be eye contact
     
  18. The_Renaissance Sherdog Bunceweight Champion

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    I went to an all-you-can-eat Rodizio in Brazil with this tall, stick thin Spanish chick I was with. Her recommendation, first time I'd been to one. It was fucking amazing, something like $10-12 for ALL you could eat and damn fucking good meat, too. Amazing, some of it. She also told me not to touch the salad cart (which was a shame because it looked fucking good actually) and I swear this chick ate more meat than I've ever seen anyone put away in one sitting. I tapped out after eating nothijg but meat for about 1.5hrs. She kept going for another 1.5. She tapped out twice then got a second wind both times and put away another fw portions.

    I felt like an anaconda afterwards and had to go to bed.
     
  19. The_Renaissance Sherdog Bunceweight Champion

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    They all say it - Brazili says it about you; you say it about them; Uruguay bizarrely says it about both of you, haha!

    It's different for me, I love both Brazilian and Argentine. If I was getting a one-off sit down meal quality steak though, Argentine.
     
  20. mb23100 Gold Belt

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    Never been to one. Why tf would anyone go to the salad bar though?
     

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