Things you never thought you would ever say.

Since having kids i find my self saying the oddest things.

Examples:

Stop sticking that leaf up your nose.

Don't put the cat in the fridge.

Stop chewing my router.

Etc...

Bonus, I shouted 'vuvuzela!' at the point of ejaculation while pounding the Mrs this morning. Good times!

 

I shit down when I pee

 

dats it, mang.

 

Giving my teenaged daughter advice on not caring what other people think.

It shows how out of touch I've become, even though it's true.

 

Kanye Kardashian epitomizes the American dream

 

My shit's are strictly up these days. Strictly up.

 

Let me know when she's 18?Thank you, friend.

I once said, and I quote " Just so you know, I'm not gay. But if you want to buy me drinks, I'm ok with that."

 

Game of Thrones is awesome

 

"Thats boss"


I said it the other day and felt really silly right afterword.

 

"No drinks around the electronics!"(after the eight year old spilled a glass of water on my laptop)

"Don't touch the broken glass!" (after a window broke and I saw my daughter reaching to feel the jagged remains. Why?)

Kids are fascinated by things that could hurt them.

"If I've been cooking, don't touch the stove!" (she reached up to show me something about her favorite stuffed bear, set the thing on the stove top, it started burning, and the tears were so sad.)

 

Stop headbutting my boobies.

Said it yesterday. Meant it. It hurt.

 

No kids here. The other day my 3 year old niece was visiting and was either trying to get my new pet turtle and my lab to get to know each other a little or set up a death match.

As curious as I was to find out I had to put a stop to it.

 

Kids go straight for 'em, and at a young age it almost doesn't matter whose boobies they are.

I was out the other day and heard what looked to be a four year old girl remark "Nice line, mommy!" in reference to mommy's cleavage.
She did have a nice line.

 

Are you on your period or is my nose bleeding?

 

Forgot to read OP, no kids for me either.

 

Good. Because it would have made that previous post really creepy.

 

'Is that supposed to hang that low?'

 

been there done that, never again I pray

 

Yeah, things like:

Yeah, I'll take the cold slaw with that....

 

If I had a nickel for everytime I heard that...