H
Hojak
Guest
I'm not even lying.... these mother fuckers are the scum of the world. They'll tell you whatever they can to sell a paper. SURE, you can bill it to your CC. SURE, it cancels itself out. SURE, you only have to pay $x.xx and nothing ever again for 3 years. SURE, I'll MAKE SURE PERSONALLY that you get the best deal. I can't tell you how many times I've bought into this crap, and paid the penalty.
This kid came to my door at my new place last night, and luckily, the stack of newspapers that my roommate doesn't take out was sitting nice and obnoxiously right next to the door. This kid asks me if I wanna buy a paper, I say no. He says why, I say cuz I already get it. Then he asks which paper... and that's a very personal question if you ask me. It's like, if he was a bitch, I wouldn't be asking him how much he weighed, would I? Just to appease him, I picked up one out of the stack of papers... Wall Street fucking Journal, there ya go paperboy, get the fuck off my porch before I rock ya one.
Nope!! Not done yet!! the mother fucker INSISTS that I need the Daily News IN ADDITION to the crappy paper I'm getting now. He says "don't you need classifieds or sports?" I tell him I don't, because all news is bad news (hoping that he'll get the hint that he's about to get some bad news of his own if he keeps trying to push this curse upon me). I even spread it on thick by telling him that no one would take the papers out even if i did buy it, and pointed to the stack of papers that was 2 feet from him as an example.
THEN, the mother fucker says "well maybe you need recipes!!"
Recipes??? In the fucking newspaper? That's right chum, way to fuckin pitch it. I'm turning straight to the god damn recipes section of MY newspaper fiiiiirst thing eeeeeeevery morning, and I'll bet you can tell by the fucking Lion's Den logo on my T-Shirt, right? At this point, this kid has not only tried making my house messier, but now he's insulting my feminininininity. I'm gettin more than a little pissed here, and I tell him "NO, I don't need recipes", as I'm doing everything in my power to resist the overwhelming urge to end this piss puddle's life for him. He's lucky he got it when he did... he musta gotten the tone of my "NO", so he thanked me for my time, and left.
And if I ever see him again, he's a fucking dead man.
This kid came to my door at my new place last night, and luckily, the stack of newspapers that my roommate doesn't take out was sitting nice and obnoxiously right next to the door. This kid asks me if I wanna buy a paper, I say no. He says why, I say cuz I already get it. Then he asks which paper... and that's a very personal question if you ask me. It's like, if he was a bitch, I wouldn't be asking him how much he weighed, would I? Just to appease him, I picked up one out of the stack of papers... Wall Street fucking Journal, there ya go paperboy, get the fuck off my porch before I rock ya one.
Nope!! Not done yet!! the mother fucker INSISTS that I need the Daily News IN ADDITION to the crappy paper I'm getting now. He says "don't you need classifieds or sports?" I tell him I don't, because all news is bad news (hoping that he'll get the hint that he's about to get some bad news of his own if he keeps trying to push this curse upon me). I even spread it on thick by telling him that no one would take the papers out even if i did buy it, and pointed to the stack of papers that was 2 feet from him as an example.
THEN, the mother fucker says "well maybe you need recipes!!"
Recipes??? In the fucking newspaper? That's right chum, way to fuckin pitch it. I'm turning straight to the god damn recipes section of MY newspaper fiiiiirst thing eeeeeeevery morning, and I'll bet you can tell by the fucking Lion's Den logo on my T-Shirt, right? At this point, this kid has not only tried making my house messier, but now he's insulting my feminininininity. I'm gettin more than a little pissed here, and I tell him "NO, I don't need recipes", as I'm doing everything in my power to resist the overwhelming urge to end this piss puddle's life for him. He's lucky he got it when he did... he musta gotten the tone of my "NO", so he thanked me for my time, and left.
And if I ever see him again, he's a fucking dead man.