Tell us a story that will be forgotten forever once you die

When I was 10 I was bit by a squirel on my finger.

My dad told me to go lay down and he would put medicine on it. I went to sleep and woke up to him fucking with my finger. I assumed he was putting medicine on it so I went back to sleep. I woke up 10 minutes later and he was still fucking with it.

Turns out he had cut hair off the back of my head and glued it to my finger.

Told me I was turning into a squirel......

True fucking story
 
I had a Sam Malone phase while Bar Tending in NYC in college. I had had my heart broken and went on a tear. I had mentioned in threads on here that I had hooked up with Meredith Baxter Birney, Alison Smith an 80s sitcom actress, and Renee Simonsen, who was a model back then. All 3 had been in relationships before me with jerks. I was nice and respectful, with an edge.
 
I have a lot from when I was younger.

Me and buddy were drinking and just picked up Burger King. We were addicted to Burger King. We were 17 and drank like fish. My buddy had a little truck with a 350 in it, and he fishtailed right in front of a state Trooper after we picked up our BK. Trooper hit the lights. I was in serious bad-ass don't care mode at that point. so I for some reason wasn't concerned whatsoever with the Trooper that just pulled our drunk asses over, but was just annoyed because I wanted to plow into one of the three sandwiches I just purchased.

So anyways I just ripped open the bad and started eating like I had not a care in the world. The Trooper shined his flashlight on me for a solid 5 seconds while I mowed on my BK Big King or whatever it was. I only looked up for a second, and was not disrespectful about it, but was literally just focused on my food. I may not have even looked up, actually. I stare at my food while I eat. So my 145 lb 17 year old buddy, who was constantly saying "We have to get some alcohol" no matter how much we drank, was asked "How much have you had to drink tonight?" And he in his typical "we need more booze" voice, said "About 12 beers." Trooper said something, buddy said "I'm not even feeling it." So in conclusion, the Trooper let him go for his brutal honesty, and checked in on me one last time real quick no doubt impressed that I had finished one sandwich and was on to the next by the time this short exchange was over. I think he didn't want to wait the 15-20 minutes or whatever to give me the breathalyzer, and he just let us drive off.
 
Here's one that I threw in my book.

I had this on and off girlfriend in college who I'll call Asa cause that's her name in the book. Asa was a submissive slut and a half. She was one of those fake innocent types who basically comes up with every excuse to try on every cock in a 3 mile radius, then moves away because of "wanderlust".

Asa and I had just gotten back together after a huge fight over "broadening horizons" or some shit and I'd gone back home to Brooklyn cause my midterms were done. Asa stayed on campus cause she still had a few to go. So I'm back in the city hanging with this other chick who happened to be a dominatrix, and she invites me to this huge fetish party called 'Smack!' I was about to turn her down when suddenly Asa called me asking if she could meet me in Brooklyn cause the studying wasn't going so well. A lightbulb went off in my head and I asked her if she wanted to go to the fetish party instead.

For me, this was killing two retarded birds with one retarded stone. Asa would get to indulge her fantasies and hopefully get it out of her system, and I'd get to show her that I had other options when she wasn't around.

The party was a Matrix theme, so basically everyone showed up wearing oakleys and floor length trench coats. Asa and I got there and started watching all these whacky shows with guys in gas masks and chicks shooting ping pong balls out of their cooch. Seeing as how we were in for a long night, we went up to the bar and proceeded to get really, really drunk. After we had a solid blur going, we decided to wander around the party. When we got towards the back, we found a series of series contraptions which the people at the party called 'fetish spiders', which nobody else was using.

As weird as the name is, a 'fetish spider' is just a set of four poles that arc from the ground to a central point overhead. At that central point is a little connection piece with a hook. And that's it. The idea is you string someone up onto the hook and dangle them there, spinning them around and basically doing whatever the hell you want to them. So with all the liquid courage flowing through me, I convinced Asa to hop onto the hook and give it a go. We didn't have ropes or anything, but I fortunately had made her wear these leather cuffs I'd bought her with little metal loops on the end. I lifted her up and started trying to get her on the hook, but we were too drunk to do it.

Seemingly out of nowhere came the most normal looking dude in the entire party. White button down shirt, blue jeans, leather belt, well kept, just perfectly fucking normal. Well, this guy approached us and asked if we wanted help using the spiders. We agreed and together he and I lifted her up and hooked the cuffs onto the top of the spider. And just like that, we had Asa dangling around in the middle of a fetish party, completely at our mercy.

Then the completely normal guy turns to me and says "Now I have to ask...do you mind if I play with her a little bit?"

Ok, remember how I said Asa and I had just gotten back together after a huge fight? Well, I suddenly got the brilliant idea that this guy would beat the crap out of her, and since I was still a little mad about the fight, I said "Sure!!"

So out of nowhere buddy pulls out a riding crop and starts spanking my girl while whispering in her ear. And it's all very amusing and cathartic, but I can't quite see too well cause the party is dark and I'm wearing oakleys. All of the sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around to finally notice a crowd had formed around us. The person who had tapped me was this girl and her boyfriend with several others behind them. The girl asked me, "Can we play too?"

And I was still a little mad at her so I said "Sure!!"

So a whole bunch of guys and girls just lined up and started taking turns whacking my girlfriend for me while I laid back laughing my ass off. The normal looking guy came up to me during the whole thing with an impressed look on his face. "Damn, she's a trooper!" All I could do was nod.

After awhile I started to notice Asa turning red in the face and I was pretty sure she was starting to have trouble breathing. (I'd later find out the cuffs were actually cutting into her wrists a bit.) So I grabbed the normal guy and told him it was time to get her down. The crowd went "Awww" in disappointment as we brought her down, but they were cool with it overall. Then the normal looking guy let Asa fall into my arms, so it sorta looked like I was carrying her across the threshold. And THAT'S when she decided to hug me and whimper out "I love you", loud enough so everyone heard her. The crowd went "Awww" again, and for the first time I found myself wondering what the hell kind of party this was.

Then someone took a photo.

It caught me almost completely off guard, but I barely managed to put up a big smile before the flash went off. Asa didn't. She was still red in the face from the beating. The guy with the camera came up to me and showed me the preview image, and he mentioned that he'd upload it that evening.

I never found the photo, but somewhere out there is a pic of me holding my just-brutalized ex girlfriend, her face twisted in pain, while I have a huge grin on my face. But nobody is gonna remember the story behind it other than me, I think.
 
Went to a strip club. Several porn stars were there to promote their videos. One of the stars appeared on stage. Long story short, she wrapped her naked thighs around my face on stage. I'll never forgot that.
 
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