Stay or go? (long)

The Jake

The Jake

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Hi all

I'm in a bit of a pickle about my training and I want to bounce some ideas off you all.

I've been at my club three years as of next month and I am still a white belt (2nd stripe). I haven't been graded for nearly a year and a half. Last grading was about 6 months ago and I didn't grade because I had just been back an training for a month due to extensive time off with an injury. In the time I have been training, I have had nearly a year off in total due to injuries (I've had two nasty injuries in that time, taking me off for a minimum of 3 months at a time).

To provide some background on my club. There are two classes at my club, intermediate and beginner. The intermediate is by invite only and typically reserved for blue belts or higher (or at least high ranking, high skilled whites not far off for promotion). My instructor is almost never there at the club. I mean he is on the road for one reason or another close to 6 months in the year, often deferring to the running of the club to other senior belts. I also think he has something against me or some sort of preconceived notion about me.

Now, while I think I'm certainly not far off my blue belt, I'm not concerned about that so much as I am concerned about getting as much mat time as humanly possible. I recently spoke to one of the senior brown belts and several blue belts that help run the joint to see if they think I am up for training in the intermediate class. They indicated to me they thought I was and that they would talk to the head instructor about it.

Now it has come back to me through the grapevine the head instructor doesn't think I am ready for the intermediate class due to a lack of commitment and general lack of interest. Just an FYI - I try to train 3 days a week but I have recently changed jobs which makes it a lot harder to get to classes and I am occasionally late (yet I have pulled aside my head instructor and explained the particulars of my circumstance just so he is aware that I'm not being slack). I work a pretty serious office job so its not the sort of thing I can just up and leave to run off at training. As for a lack of interest, well I won't lie, there is some lack of interest. I'm trying to be as interested as I can. Its a bit hard when I rarely train with people that challenge me and I don't feel I'm really learning anything or really being challenged.

I'm not even focusing on whether I grade or not. As ready as I think I am (I know everything on our blue belt syllabus), I could care less. What I am concerned with is just training in the intermediate class (ie. double my mat time that I am currently getting). That said, I am keen on knowing when the next grading is coming (we have formal gradings at our club).

But my instructor (despite hardly being there) seems to have some preconceived notion of who I am and what I'm about. The only thing I haven't done is try to approach him directly and talk to him about it (and for good reason). One of the seniors who enquired on my behalf cautioned against me approaching him, stating that if I do, my instructor will just keep me back another 6 months or longer (apparently he looks down on people who "ask"). Yet I feel compelled to give him the opportunity to talk to me about it directly and given his preconceived notion, might be doing myself more harm than good.

I've already made other enquiries at other clubs (mates at other clubs) and been told I will most defintely be able to roll in their intermediate classes. So I know for a fact I can leave tomorrow and get double to even triple the mat time I am getting now. This was done also out of a growing sense of disastisfaction with the training style at my club (this has been growing for awhile to be honest, this situation just hasn't helped).

What keeps me around however is a sense of loyalty and wanting to give my head instructor the benefit of the doubt.

I'm just wondering if any Sherdoggers have any similar experiences with this and how they approached it? At what point do you decide to leave? Or do you just ride it out?

- J.
 
If you go there will be trouble, but if you stay it will be double
 
seriously though... If it was me, i would bite the bullet and talk the the instructor... if it doesn't go well, then leave.
 
I have never had an experience like that but I think you should keep in it, work hard, and be as consistent as you can. Maybe the instructor feels like you don't care enough? As the senior belts cautioned don't approach him but rather show him you are serious.
 
Thanks for any serious responses here btw. I realise this is a bit of a sensitive topic. I'm just not sure how to approach it.

- J.
 
Just leave man, Not even for the belts but the mat time, and just that your instructor sounds like a douche. And he takes offense to asking and holds you back... ahahah fuck him! go to another club. Out of curiosity who is this instructor that you have? It doesn't matter if your instructor doesn't like you, if you give 100 percent when your on the mat and you never said im going to be x amount of days and didn't show than its his problem. Also asking questions is what jiu jitsus about. i have never learned anything that was somewhat confusing with out asking questions. If your head instructor is gone 6 months of the year than i dont think he cares much. Why should you care about him and his bullshit, if the options around you are legit than why not, it might be the best thing for your bjj, and btw fuck loyalty to him, hes only been a dick to you. Once your ready to settle down in a bjj club and your happy with it then settle down and be loyal to it, its your training, not his. If you can get out of your contract than do it, 100 percent.
 
I have similar frustration right. Me being stubborn I want him to give me my blue but I'm considering changing schools. I made a similar ish post and someone suggested "if u are tapping his blues.. you'll eventually get graded". If you aren't getting what you pay for .. go someone else.
 
I would go to another club just based on the fact that you will be able to get more mat time elsewhere. More time training is always good.
 
I too think you should leave. You say the instructor isn't there half the time, plus you'd get more training time at another place, so you'd learn more somewhere else than if you just stayed and stubbornly tried to prove to your instructor that you're serious. If it really bothers you that much, then you should ask him about why you haven't been graded, who cares if he'll get pissed, you got nothing to lose. If he gets pissed, then that place really isn't a good place to train.
 
If your instructor does want you to ask him about advancement, he is not a good instructor. Period.

A good instructor is supposed to be able to guide you through your training. There is nothing wrong with him feeling that you aren't ready yet. However, he should explain to you exactly why he feels this way, and help you take the steps necessary to get to that next level.

The policy of "don't ask me about advancement" is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You might as well just be training on your own if you can't speak openly with your instructor about exactly what you need to work on to get better.
 
Your instructor sounds like a control freak. Even if you do end up getting to be in the intermediate class do you really want to continue with that kind of instructor?
 
Keep training!

Sounds like its a regular jiu-jitsu club with appropriate high standards for their grappling.

To be frank, look at your training with your eye on technique and not on the color of your belt. We have some lower belts that command more respect for their heart and love of the game than any belt would. The belts come.

I personally wouldnt trade the respect I get for my grappling, for a higher belt. I am 52 and who cares if I ever get promoted. Two of my fellow brown belt training partners are Nick Diaz and Jake Sheilds. If anybody has a right to complain about not being promoted its those two guys. They push me hard to keep going, and keep training with them. The standard is high, thats what makes it worth it.

This is in no way bragging, I am 12 years into BJJ. Training is not to get belts, its life! man live it! Enjoy it, the "mat" is the most honest place in the world.


So what if you go to another club and get your Blue. Apply yourself and win those guys respect! Then you can train anywhere with pride in yourself.


Anything less wont satisfy. If BJJ was easy.........everybody would be doing it. Its not what you want to hear, Id bet, [2nd time saying] but win their respect dude.


Life is training, all else is just waiting to train.
 
Keep training!

Sounds like its a regular jiu-jitsu club with appropriate high standards for their grappling.

To be frank, look at your training with your eye on technique and not on the color of your belt. We have some lower belts that command more respect for their heart and love of the game than any belt would. The belts come.

I personally wouldnt trade the respect I get for my grappling, for a higher belt. I am 52 and who cares if I ever get promoted. Two of my fellow brown belt training partners are Nick Diaz and Jake Sheilds. If anybody has a right to complain about not being promoted its those two guys. They push me hard to keep going, and keep training with them. The standard is high, thats what makes it worth it.

This is in no way bragging, I am 12 years into BJJ. Training is not to get belts, its life! man live it! Enjoy it, the "mat" is the most honest place in the world.


So what if you go to another club and get your Blue. Apply yourself and win those guys respect! Then you can train anywhere with pride in yourself.


Anything less wont satisfy. If BJJ was easy.........everybody would be doing it. Its not what you want to hear, Id bet, [2nd time saying] but win their respect dude.


Life is training, all else is just waiting to train.
 
Politics are a bitch, and your situation is one I've heard a number of times. Do what you think is right for YOU. Remember you're the one putting in the time into training, you're the one that wants to excel, you're the one shelling out the bucks to train. I recently switched camps because of stupid little reasons as well. Shit piles up, and especially when you hear some negatives things said about you, it really leaves a bad feeling (trust me I know). I know it seems like a difficult decision now, but if I were you I would leave, you will always have in the back of your mind this situation and how your instructor is handling it.
 
I say definitely talk to him....be completely open and honest with him, tell him everything you told us here. if he seems genuine with you, and really wants to see you succeed, he will tell you whats up.

if he takes a different approach, brushes you off or anything, then be up front and tell him you might have to train somewhere else. dont worry so much about the belt, but make sure you let him know you want to do the more advanced class and let him know why.

the bottom line is that its your training. if youre not comfortable there for any reason, then you should leave. weigh out the pros and cons of each school in the area, try them out, etc.

good luck bro, youre in a situation none of us would want to be in.
 
I just read montanha's post, and i think hes right as well...part of it is determination and sticking it out. but you should voice your concerns so that you dont bottle it up until it explodes.
 
it seems to me that even though you have traind for three years you havent been able to go to class on a consistant basis and have been out of action (combined) for a year... How about this.. .tell your coach that you WANT to improve and WANT more time on the mat. Ask him that you want to be able to roll with the intermediate class because of that and you have no desires of getting a blue belt. Just tell him that your schedule makes it difficult for you to roll with the white belt class. If it doesn't work. Hey, do what makes you happy.
 
codemonkey76 said:
If you go there will be trouble, but if you stay it will be double
Click to expand...


so come on and let me know.

This indecisions bugging me
Esta undecision me molesta
If you dont want me, set me free
Si no me quieres, librame
Exactly whom Im supposed to be
Diga me que tengo ser
Dont you know which clothes even fit me?
saves que robas me querda?
Come on and let me know
Me tienes que desir
Should I cool it or should I blow?
me debo ir o quedarme?
 
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