Split with gf of 5+ years, don't know who I am anymore

[Tycho- Taylor's Version]

There you have it Mayberry. I've talked quite a lot of shit on here about how amazing relationships can be and now I have to announce that after 5+ years mine is over.

We met in university and dated from Dec 2010 - Mar 2016. We were my favourite part of my life through that time, and she was my motivation to get up in the morning.

A few months ago we started talking about marriage and she said something didn't feel quite right. We talked it over ad nauseam until last week when she said she didn't think that feeling would go away, and she'd decided she wouldn't be able to marry me, so I called the whole thing off.

I don't know what mistakes I made, but she had a troubled history and was in a bunch of therapies and stuff to figure herself out. I think that task became more fundamental to her life than I was, and that was the beginning of the end for us.

I'm trying to appreciate that I was ever in such an amazing relationship at all, but my head is spinning and I don't know how to go about my day anymore. A big part of my identity was being a part of a stimulating and successful long-term romance and now that's gone. I feel like I've lost my family.

Any tips for recovering from this shit would be welcome. Don't mind my intermittent vomiting. Thank you.

 

[Cool Hand Luke]

 

[Prime Ang]

Find a hobby to take your mind off of it. The gym is always a good idea, 1 because you can slam weights and 2 because you can look better and make her jealous by getting a hotter chick.

 

[ICHEERTHEBULL]

I always give similar advice - keep busy. Do random things. Look up what tourists in your city do and do some of that. Go to the theater, go eat at a place you haven't eaten before. Take some time off work and go on a trip somewhere. Go rock climbing. Join a book group. Take Spanish lessons

I hear sleeping with randoms helps.

 

[NaughtyBoy]

You're free now. Enjoy freedom, is a good thing seriously.

 

[Sivo The Ram]

sorry man. i'm also in a lil confusing relationship right now (nothing serious though). my advice for recovery is just to emerge yourself in things that you like (hobbies, sports, work, etc) and also try to have a good time with your friends and family, good luck, you'll bounce back!

 

[Iscariott]

Upgrade your awesome, and either move on or get back together. Gym, hobbies, get promoted, whatever works for you.

 

[Nowhere Fast]

you can now wank without feeling shame. If you didn't feel shame then mad repsect playa.

Just keep on keeping on, imo.

 

[Medical Marijuana Man]

Me and my ex broke up in December after 5 years together. I too felt the same as you TS but I took the advice of Sherdog and I started going to the gym, I became more social, I started dating other women, and eventually I found the woman who I'm dating now and I'm quite happy. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. So just be patient dude. Better yourself and then everything else will fall into place. Best of luck.

 

[foxnoob]

Swear to god new pussy solves all break up problems. Get back on the wagon as soon as you aren't too much of a blubbering mess to talk to a girl. People are just people, humans are barely more evolved than apes. After meeting enough girls, you'll find the one you dated for 5 years wasn't quite as amazingly unique as you first imagined. We are just average, instinct and emotion driven creatures.

 

[Plutoburn]

To get over this relationship, I think it's important to know, on your part, what might have caused the relationship to break down. It takes two to tango, so it's rarely ever 100% one person's fault. So it's worthwhile to examine, for our own sake, what we could have done.

I will just offer one point, and the most obvious one I see.

"...she was my motivation to get up in the morning."
"A big part of my identity was being a part of a stimulating and successful long-term romance..."

These two lines should be alarming to you. A successful relationship should be built on two people who are fully capable of being happy alone, if one person start to rely on the relationship alone for happiness, they become the baggage. If the main source of identity of you is this relationship, I can see why she may not be into it. So I will say that once you are ready to have another relationship, you need to learn to appreciate your partner while at the same time, not rely on them for support.

 

[HereticBD]

You're a free man. That's who you are.

In all seriousness though, if you're not "the one" after six fucking years of dating, it's probably for the best that you don't waste any more time with her.

 

[VroomyJeeps]

hmm I wonder what she meant by something doesn't feel right. did she expand on that?

 

[OverCoronavirus Pressure]

You'll think about her for a while to come.
Best thing for it is finding a new girl.

 

[MoparOrNoCar]

I broke it off with my girlfriend of 6 years because it didn't feel right to me and I didn't feel like it was fair to either of us to waste our time if I wasn't headed in the marriage direction.

Still don't know to this day if I made the right decision.

 

[Scerpi]

hmm I wonder what she meant by something doesn't feel right. did she expand on that?

Uh oh. This could be code for "I've been sleeping with another guy" or "I've met another guy and am getting ready to sleep with him".

The shitty thing about girls (not all of them, but many) I've learned? If they are unhappy in a relationship, they will stay with the guy, but start looking to replace him. Why? Because they hate to be alone. Once a new guy has been secured, then they can safely cut ties with the old guy and move on.

 

[neverwas]

freedooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!

 

[Fox by the Sea]

i was in a 8 year relationship when it went bust. all i can say, the shit times go away eventually.
and no matter what, don't blink. she's gone. if she comes back, the respect is gone anyway, and why build a foundation on something that unsure.

 

[foxnoob]

Uh oh. This could be code for "I've been sleeping with another guy" or "I've met another guy and am getting ready to sleep with him".

The shitty thing about girls (not all of them, but many) I've learned? If they are unhappy in a relationship, they will stay with the guy, but start looking to replace him. Why? Because they hate to be alone. Once a new guy has been secured, then they can safely cut ties with the old guy and move on.

I've always called this being like fleas. A flea won't hop until it has a new dog to jump onto. This is a true thing that happens often.

 

[Law Talkin’ Guy]

1. Keep busy. Work out, hobbies, focus on work/school etc.

2. Give yourself some time, then try out the waters. Don't look for the next Mrs. Caveat, and at the same time if random hook ups with chicks at the bar aren't your thing, don't go for that either. Just maybe go on a couple of dates, have some fun, see what develops, try to get your dick wet.

3. Minimize communication with your ex. I'm not sure if you guys talked about trying to stay friends or anything like that, but don't. As long as she's still around you'll dwell on thoughts of getting back together. Avoid talking to her.

4. As an extension of 3, remove personal effects around your home that remind you of her. Take down pictures of her or you together and put them away or throw them out. Store away or get rid of gifts she may have given you, whether it's a trinket or souvenir on your shelf, or clothing or whatever.

5. Unfriend them on Facebook, Twitter whatever. You've got to resist the urge to check in on what she's up to. It's none of your business and it will drive you crazy.