Something I really EFF'in Hate in grappling .

as a smaller guy (5'4", 157), i know the beefcake 205+ers don't take it easy on me. nasty cross faces, brutal KOB, the works.
My wife weighs around what you do, so I can imagine that it would be fairly even between you and some women. Though you have to remember that women have less muscle on their frames for the same weight, generally, and are usually built finer than men. And the amount of testosterone men have compared to women is a bit like comparing a normal man to someone on steroids. So I think it's a good idea to go easy. I see women's MMA and I can't watch; even if they are women with mannish brains (i.e. Lesbians), it just gives me a feeling of revulsion to watch it.

I'm about 205 walking around. I find a lot of the smaller guys go 100% on me to the point where they use strength over technique. I usually try and remain technical unless they are being douchy. I must admit that in my early days I could be a bit of a WB spaz at times, but what goes around comes around. The little guys have my admiration in general, going to training must be like a 205lbs guy training in a class with 4-5 Brock Lesnars, and 5-6 Randy Coutures, but without the skill obviously.

I think I'd still train if I was smaller, as I seek out the bigger and more technical guys in order to learn as it is.
i'm not signing up to be someone's animated grappling dummy even if i am a lot stronger. we all take turns smooshing smaller folks and getting smooshed by bigger folks. it's part of the game. i think the whole "women are more delicate than men" thing is bs. women give birth fer chrissake, don't tell me they can't take some good shoulder pressure.
I don't see how the ability to give birth makes a woman any more capable of taking punishment. They've got a larger percentage of their bodies devoted to reproductive tasks, and other stuff as I said above. They are built to give birth, not to kill and be killed on the battlefield. Some women are beefier and stronger and can take it better, but a little chivalry goes a long way.
 
This is probably off topic but made me think about this story where I made a girl from our class quit BJJ after one class.

It was her first day and I've always been very helpful and welcoming of new people to class.

This day we were doing armbar to omoplata to triangle from guard.
So while we're drilling the movements, as I went from omoplata to triangle...when I lifted my hips up, I cut the biggest cheese in my life while her head was in the vicinity of my crotch...

Now I think about it, it's funny as hell...but, the look on her disgusted face was priceless...

Needless to say, she never came back for a second class...
 
When I roll with guys of any size I feel that communication is the key to being safe. I find that a good training partner has less to do with the difference in weight and strength and a lot more to do with the attitude and control of the guy. I'm a 110 lb. female blue belt and I've been training for three years. If I don't feel comfortable rolling with a certain person I just quietly and privately let the instructor know not to pair me up with them anymore. This one guy in class is 230 lbs and I have no problem rolling with him. He lets me work my top game so he get's a chance to play some guard. There's another guy that's really tall and lanky at about 160 lbs and I would never roll with him because he's too wild and I feel like I will get hurt.

Tell the girl to be open with her training partners about what she expects out of the train and to get the instructor involved if she feels uncomfortable. She could have a casual and discrete, but direct conversation about safety with her instructor after class if need be. I train hard, but I also train smart. There have been situations were I had to tap because of crushing weight under a 200 lb wrestler's side control before. There is no shame in tapping and I like having that control over the fight. I can survive to try again... and again... and again. Hope my experience has helped you in some way TS.
 
My wife weighs around what you do, so I can imagine that it would be fairly even between you and some women. Though you have to remember that women have less muscle on their frames for the same weight, generally, and are usually built finer than men. And the amount of testosterone men have compared to women is a bit like comparing a normal man to someone on steroids. So I think it's a good idea to go easy. I see women's MMA and I can't watch; even if they are women with mannish brains (i.e. Lesbians), it just gives me a feeling of revulsion to watch it.

like i said, if it's a matter of muscling something, i don't do it. there's nothing to gain. i'm talking using gravity and body weight to control position. if anything i do is too much discomfort, she can tap. same as i can, same as anybody can. i respect that, there's no shame in it. i have to do it sometimes too. i am not super rough or aggressive with women when i roll. then again, i'm not super rough or aggressive with *anyone* when i roll. it's just not my style.

fwiw, i don't think women who like to fight have "mannish" or lesbian brains. they're expressing their own natural human aggression, just like anybody else who enjoys combat sports. aggression isn't limited to men, it's just considered "unladylike", which is lame imo. tho i suspect we may simply need to agree to disagree on that.

I'm about 205 walking around. I find a lot of the smaller guys go 100% on me to the point where they use strength over technique.

that's interesting -- i find using strength against bigger guys to be almost fruitless. i have to be technical, because that's the only way i'm gonna be able to relieve the pain/discomfort/bad position. that or tapping. in fact, i suspect tapping may be the most technically proficient part of my game! i'm REALLY fucking good at it! =P

I don't see how the ability to give birth makes a woman any more capable of taking punishment. They've got a larger percentage of their bodies devoted to reproductive tasks, and other stuff as I said above. They are built to give birth, not to kill and be killed on the battlefield. Some women are beefier and stronger and can take it better, but a little chivalry goes a long way.

women have a higher pain tolerance than men. if you're wired to push a watermelon out of your junk, i think you're plenty tough enough to tolerate the comparatively minor pains and discomforts of jiu jitsu. frankly i don't believe in chivalry either. mutual autonomy and respect regardless of gender is more my speed. yes, men and women are built different, and i respect that. but like i said, as long as we're all in an environment where everyone can say no or tap out whenever they feel like it, chivalry has no purpose. respect and communication do, but not chivalry.

cheers!
 
like i said, if it's a matter of muscling something, i don't do it. there's nothing to gain. i'm talking using gravity and body weight to control position. if anything i do is too much discomfort, she can tap. same as i can, same as anybody can. i respect that, there's no shame in it. i have to do it sometimes too. i am not super rough or aggressive with women when i roll. then again, i'm not super rough or aggressive with *anyone* when i roll. it's just not my style.
I guess when you significantly outweigh someone, especially someone with breasts which happen to be much, much more delicate than a man's chest, it is a good idea to not go full on. e.g. I was taught that to hold side control, you don't have anything between your toes and your chest touching the ground, and you are driving into their chest with yours at a 45 degree angle through their nearest pec, pushing into them. Your hands don't hold, they are there to look for subs. If I do that to a woman, that's a very douchy thing to do, especially considering I have 50lbs on you. But it's just primarily gravity/bodyweight.

Note since that time (and the instructor indicated that I would at the time) I've learned to use the knees in, in a more relaxed manner. But it's still a good technique to know.
fwiw, i don't think women who like to fight have "mannish" or lesbian brains. they're expressing their own natural human aggression, just like anybody else who enjoys combat sports. aggression isn't limited to men, it's just considered "unladylike", which is lame imo. tho i suspect we may simply need to agree to disagree on that.
It's not your average girl in a BJJ gym. I'm referring to full on competitive MMA. You find a lot of lesbians at the top of sports like tennis and golf, let alone MMA. Dollars to donuts it's going to be primarily lesbians who feel the need and are competitive enough to be at the top of competitive MMA.

I'm certainly not saying that women shouldn't do BJJ though. Probably worth it just so they can see how dangerous someone who is twice their weight with 3 times the muscle and 5 times the strength is. i.e. by far your best bet is to avoid putting yourself in that situation, the BJJ is a good last resort though.
 
The little guys have my admiration in general, going to training must be like a 205lbs guy training in a class with 4-5 Brock Lesnars, and 5-6 Randy Coutures, but without the skill obviously.

I think I'd still train if I was smaller, as I seek out the bigger and more technical guys in order to learn as it is.

well put.
 
I guess when you significantly outweigh someone, especially someone with breasts which happen to be much, much more delicate than a man's chest, it is a good idea to not go full on. e.g. I was taught that to hold side control, you don't have anything between your toes and your chest touching the ground, and you are driving into their chest with yours at a 45 degree angle through their nearest pec, pushing into them. Your hands don't hold, they are there to look for subs. If I do that to a woman, that's a very douchy thing to do, especially considering I have 50lbs on you. But it's just primarily gravity/bodyweight.

i actually disagree that it's douchy. it's part of the sport. whether it's a man or a woman, someone at some time is going to be bigger than you and bearing down on body parts that are tender or sensitive. you've gotta get used to it, it's part of learning.

to be clear, if we're rolling and she (or anybody) asks me to do/not do something, i will absolutely positively comply. i want my training partners to know they can assert boundaries with me and not have to worry about getting attitude or push back. my thing is that i'm not going to just automatically go soft "because she's a girl".

each of us has to take responsibility for what we want and need out of a roll and articulate it. sometimes we don't like having to articulate things because it means owning up to our own vulnerabilities, but that's life.

also, i was referring to mma also (re aggression). who you have sex with is irrelevant. we all have aggression. some of us (for whatever reason) express it through sport. my guess is that lesbians are less encumbered by "the trappings of femininity", and that's why they're more likely to pursue traditionally male-dominated sports than straight women. but whatever man. there've been dissertations written on the topic, we certainly don't need to agree!

cheers!
 
Well, that guy's just douching himself out of getting better TBH. When you roll w/ someone significantly smaller/ weaker than yourself, it gives you a good chance to work on your bottom game, and just your technique in general. It's not hard at all to get on top of someone way smaller than you and dominate. What is hard is when someone your size gets on top, and you suck on your back.

Being a big guy myself, i've learned this the hard way; it's easy to fall into just taking top position against a way smaller guy, but when you get outwrestled and haven't worked on your bottom game, then you're fucked. I've started just asking people smaller than me to just take top, because that's where I need the most work.
 
Well, that guy's just douching himself out of getting better TBH. When you roll w/ someone significantly smaller/ weaker than yourself, it gives you a good chance to work on your bottom game, and just your technique in general. It's not hard at all to get on top of someone way smaller than you and dominate. What is hard is when someone your size gets on top, and you suck on your back.

Being a big guy myself, i've learned this the hard way; it's easy to fall into just taking top position against a way smaller guy, but when you get outwrestled and haven't worked on your bottom game, then you're fucked. I've started just asking people smaller than me to just take top, because that's where I need the most work.

anyone smaller then me I always pull guard and work off my back unless its a purple belt or higher that person isnt getting anything from me .
 
We have a few girls that train judo. Two are black belts. Its not that I feel they cant hold their own, cause they are legit, its just that I dont see a point in going 100 percent and trying to smash them. I know that if they wanted to they could seriously hurt me with their technique, and I can hurt them by being a shitty spaz.

There are techniques I just would rather not do on a girl though. We had a knee on belly to armbar transition off of a throw in judo one time, and I was paired up with a new girl. My instructor criticized my technique, because I wasnt taking the position correctly. But I didnt want to say in front of her that I just didnt feel comfortable driving my knee into her solar plexus when Im 70 pounds heavier than her and shes a new chick.
 
I was in a school where women only rolled with other women.

The head trainer didn't want any trouble and he thought that the girls would feel uncomfortable having a guy with a boner in their guard.

That's exactly what he said and I have to agree with him.
 
We have a few girls that train judo. Two are black belts. Its not that I feel they cant hold their own, cause they are legit, its just that I dont see a point in going 100 percent and trying to smash them. I know that if they wanted to they could seriously hurt me with their technique, and I can hurt them by being a shitty spaz.

There are techniques I just would rather not do on a girl though. We had a knee on belly to armbar transition off of a throw in judo one time, and I was paired up with a new girl. My instructor criticized my technique, because I wasnt taking the position correctly. But I didnt want to say in front of her that I just didnt feel comfortable driving my knee into her solar plexus when Im 70 pounds heavier than her and shes a new chick.

There is actually the physical side of this which I think you're absolutely correct in maintaining.

By that I mean I once had my ribs fractured from a dude drilling knee on belly on me. That's a very boring injury that easily could have been avoided. Depending on the size difference there should always be the notion of how much it really is in the back of your head. But I don't think any small guy or girl would appreciate you going light with them. Too often "I just went light" is just an excuse.
 
I was in a school where women only rolled with other women.

The head trainer didn't want any trouble and he thought that the girls would feel uncomfortable having a guy with a boner in their guard.

That's exactly what he said and I have to agree with him.

Grown men should be able to control their boners.
 
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