Siblings with Disabilities

[hoh112]

I'm a new poster here. I hope this isn't a bad topic. I am deaf in my right ear with a cochlear implant in my left. Before that I had severe hearing loss that degraded over time. The CI works well in my case. I have an older brother but I do not have a good relationship with him. It's pretty much non-existent. He never hung out with me in middle school or high school and I constantly felt left out by other people too because I couldn't hear/catch up and everything. So I missed out on a lot and never went to prom. Went through college but had to drop out due to severe depression and stuff. He ended up getting married and has a nephew who I barely see due to our relationship. He's financially successful and all while I am in an apartment - but I have no personal complaints about that, considering.

I am just wondering if anyone has a sibling who has a disability or if you yourself have one that has impeded your relationships with your sibling, significant other...family friends or whoever...I don't really want to get in touch with my brother but would like him to make the first step since he has pretty much ignored me.

 

[Bobby Boulders]

I do not have any family or friends with major physical impairments, but I feel for you and hope that your brother will do as you hope and reach out to you and be your brother, as he should.

 

[BisexualMMA]

Not sure what to say. I'm fortunate that I don't have to deal with a disability like that and happier still that my siblings don't face that challenge.

You seem very certain that your disability is largely responsible for your imperfect relationship with your brother. You titled your thread as being about disabilities in the family rather than strained relationships with siblings in general.

My thoughts in general are that...if you hold your breath waiting for something to happen, you're more likely to be asphyxiated than to witness the thing you are waiting for. Is it within your abilities to strengthen the relationship or see more of your brother and nephew?

The other thing I can say is that...you can't make people change. I don't know your brother, but I've had relatives where nothing, literally nothing, ever made any headway or progress. No amount of initiative or kindness or constructive advice or anything. At the end of the day, everyone is their own person and you can't change anyone. You can just do what is within your power and that's it.

Do you have any common interests with your nephew, where you can help him along? Any sports he likes that you're good at, where you can show him some tricks or anything like that?

 

[thetruth2709]

Your brother sounds like an asshole but as I always say Im just hearing one side of the story.

I have a nephew who is autistic, to be honest I think he is a lot smarter than people think he is, Im very observant and since he was very little Ive always noticed little things that tells me he remembers things, notices and understand things "when he wants to" but he is more comfortable when people cater to him so he prefers to play autistic.

Im not saying he is not autistic, Im saying that since he is, everybody around him tend to give him special treatment and he is not forced to push himself and be more aware. Love could be a double edge sword, I know that since my sister loves him he doesnt want him to feel bad, but as a consequence he is never pushed to be more responsible and aware of his action. Hey I LOVE my nephew dont take this as if I dont understand, but I sincerely in my heart feel that if he would be forced to be more aware then he would be. I never think of him as "autistic" first of all because his autism is not very strong and you wouldnt notice it if he walks by, I always see him as a kid who is simply different and I feel it would be good for him if everybody would take that label from the top of his head and treat him a little more normal (Im not saying he is just a normal kid, he is not, but I dont think society pushes him to be more aware and responsible, I think they push him in the other direction)

 

[Katsumi Yamada]

Feel bad for you TS, but follow the advice other posters have given, I think it's good.
You didn't have a good relationship growing up but that's a long time ago it sounds like. Lots of good people were assholes in high school.

Don't have any disabled siblings but I have a first cousin with down's. He's really cool, loves to kiss and hug everyone, he even won silver in the special Olympics for basketball Shanghai 2007, and was tournament high scorer or something, as well as the youngest player. He is really good at shooting even though the rest of his game isn't.

 

[hoh112]

My brother is really inward, very materialistic. He has never been around when I struggled. He called me immature back in the day because I just sit there or barely respond or liked to be more physical with kids (because I couldn't hear). He never really took the time to hang out with me and talk.

My nephew is a baby, like going to be two years in some months. He's a good kid. Growing up fast but I don't see him much anymore. Whenever he sees me he runs and gives me a hug straight up.

Love is a double edged sword for real. My parents loved me so much and they didn't want me to lose more hearing so I had steroids and chemotherapy to try and stop it. I should have sued the doctors honestly...nothing worked or helped and it was based on immediate loss. Not sliding, degrading loss over time.

Not really waiting for him. There's pretty much no relationship. He's never given the incentive for it and I just think about like animals that will eat their kin, murder their siblings over nothing.

Anyone have a disability themselves?

 

[Mike]

Eh everyone in my family is mentally ill in some way. Crap genetics ftw. I'm not really capable of having a close relationship with any of them, since they don't understand me all that well. And vice versa really.

 

[Corin7hian]

I have a terribly herniated disc in my back and it makes going to school next to impossible. It's an accumulative injury so the more stress you place in the spine the worse it gets. I have had to quit jobs, drop out of college because I couldn't study. If i habe a flare up im essentially crippled for months on end, if i sneeze during this time i could rupture my disc and taking a shit is the most painful thinf ever. After 3 years of feeling decent I decided to go back to university and I did pretty well but my back is starting to give signs of another flare up. I went to accessibility services in my school and they told me to get documentation from my doctor so they can accommodate me (give me extensions and provide peers to give notes if you have to miss class) since I have to study while lying on the floor due to the nerve pain of sitting. When I went to the doctor this morning he basically laughed me out of the office and said I don't have a disability and did the usual comparison of real crippled people and me (very typical) wasn't going to provide the information. This injury has ruined many aspects of my life and has caused serious depression since I can hardly get treated for what I have.

 

[irish_thug]

My older sister has a pretty severe case of cerebral palsy, in a wheelchair, but still verbal, just at a slower pace. She was one grade older than me, but was around my circle of friends a lot. But I hung with a burn-out, shop-class, rocker, stoner crowd, they're all pretty non judgemental.

 

[Y2Khaos]

I have had seizures for the past 25 years. They have gotten less severe as I got older but as a kid when I had a seizure they layed me up till were I could do almost nothing. I have 3 older brothers and 3 older sisters. There were times they had to take care of me. I'm sure there were times they resented me for it but it made us a bit closer. We have drifted apart as adults but as a kid they were right there to help. I'm sure if I needed it they always will be.

It's weird to be the sibling with the disability. They have seen me have a seizure hundreds of times but I have always been on the other side. I didn't know what it looked like when someone had a seizure in person till a few years ago when my son had one.

 

[NoGoodNamesLeft]

non verbal autisitic sister, let me to my current career working with students on the ASD.

 

[Rhett Henley MD]

We all share the common disability of being human.

My siblings and I all have various issues, none major thank god. It's our imperfections that make us rely on one another and realize how much we need to be there for family, friends, etc...