Should men silently bear their pain? (psychiatrists)

[mbinder]

There's nothing wrong or shameful about talking to other people about how you're feeling. Anybody that disagrees is probably a dick. Therapy is just one of many outlets. Just because it doesn't work for some people doesn't mean it won't for others.

 

[Thai Otoshi]

I did it after my mum died.

I see no reason to play pretend. Sometimes you need help.

 

[Krav McGraw]

Therapy backfires when you do it too much.

There comes a point when you need to man up and move forward with your life instead of sitting with a therapist overanalyzing every little thing. Its detrimental to ruminate about the past. Half the time your memories aren't even accurate. Then people get dependent on their therapist and it becomes a shitty co-depentdent relationship.

What really sucks is that the therapists are incentivized to keep you coming back. These people charge like $150 an hour. And thats for a psychologist not a full-blown MD.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

If it works for you, it works. But I think it works a lot better for women because they need constant justification for why they are so fucked up. "Oh, it's not that I'm a shitty person. I am codependent. Great, I just externalized this bullshit way I treat people so that it's not my fault, and can't be held accountable for my actions because it's a condition."
Women just want someone to listen to their problems and be supportive. Men want someone to solve their problems and a psychologist can't do that for them. Psychiatrists are good though because they give you drugs. Sometimes you need drugs to deal with shit.

 

[Bay Area]

Therapy backfires when you do it too much.

There comes a point when you need to man up and move forward with your life instead of sitting with a therapist overanalyzing every little thing. Its detrimental to ruminate about the past. Half the time your memories aren't even accurate. Then people get dependent on their therapist and it becomes a shitty co-depentdent relationship.

What really sucks is that the therapists are incentivized to keep you coming back. These people charge like $150 an hour. And thats for a psychologist not a full-blown MD.

Agreed. And like I said before, deep down, we now what are issues are, and why they are there. We don't need a therapist to tell us what we already know. And we don't need to shell out 400 bucks an hour for a listener. Women have a need to vent. Men need outlets.

 

[Bay Area]

I knew an afghan war vet who couldn't speak. He hid in the corner of his room after he came home. Guy was in his 50's. Had an adult daughter he couldn't communicate with. She put him in a psychiatric hospital and he did the same shit, sat in the corner of his room, and what he told me was, the doctors said to him: "you don't have to move or do anything, you just need to know that your reaction is normal. Lots of other people react this way too."

They just kept that up until he was annoyed with them. Eventually they got him eating right and on some meds. Took him over a year but these people were professionals.

Eventually he started reacting to them more strongly, mostly getting mad at them, but, they got him talking.

Long story short, I was there the day they discharged him, and I saw him hug his daughter and they both cried.

You gonna tell me shrinks don't do anything after I've seen all that? Gtfo. You gonna tell me that guy should have silently bared his pain, in the fucking corner, barely eating? Once again, gtfo.

For the record, I was at that place too, that's how I knew him, dealing with my own shit. And what he told me was "it can work, if you let it."

I let it and I'm doing better too.

yeah your example is the exception. War veterans might need to vent their emotions.

 

[Krav McGraw]

Agreed. And like I said before, deep down, we now what are issues are, and why they are there. We don't need a therapist to tell us what we already know. And we don't need to shell out 400 bucks an hour for a listener. Women have a need to vent. Men need outlets.

Sometimes we need a therapist to make sure we are thinking clearly and rationally. My Dad actually told me this when I was getting divorced and noticed I wasn't myself. He had visited a therapist a few times during his life when he was under tremendous stress, including his own divorce.

 

[Brampton_Boy]

Specifically emotional pain. I remember when I was growing up, seeing a psychiatrist was a major taboo for a man. You just didn't do it. As a man, you were supposed to carry your burden with dignity. Bottle up your pain. Now it seems, going to a psychiatrist is the chic thing to do for men.

I'm not talking about seeing a doctor for perscription drugs. I mean specifically sitting on a couch, and relaying your life story to a shrink.


Discuss

What a silly amateur concept to bottle it up

It's strange, I always thought a person was more of a man if they got help for their issues so that they could be the best husbands, fathers, sons etc they could be.

I'm pretty sure a kid is more concerned about having a functioning and emotionally healthy dad, than he is a "tough guy" who bottles up his emotions. "My dad drinks heavily and has violent outbursts, but it's ok - he never cries"

To paraphrase something I read once "Men who don't cry have people in their lives that do"

 

[indo80]

i cant share all of my worries with my wife as i think women do respect their men more when they handle certain issues alone.

 

[Jointandabrew]

This is a real good point, especially if you're going through something traumatic that you've never experienced before. Sometimes you do have to suffer and work things out for yourself, but I do believe there is merit in speaking with a professional that can help analyze the thoughts and emotions you're trying to process and deal with.

That being said, I've always preferred to work through my issues by myself or with close friends whose opinions I trust and value. It can be hard to open up your deepest and darkest secrets to a complete stranger, at least for me.

Well said fully agree.

 

[thetruth2709]

Humans are all different to begin with, men and women, and if the person is going to talk to a psychiatist (or any other form of emotional counseling) already feeling that its a waste of time and its going to make fun of the process, then its better if that person saves his/her money because sure its not going to work out at all for them. As a general rule I think learning to deal with your emotions is going to make you a more complete and centered human being capable of helping others in many ways, but the main component is yourself, you have to want that expansion, if you dont, then as I said, save your money

 

[Thai Otoshi]

This is a real good point, especially if you're going through something traumatic that you've never experienced before. Sometimes you do have to suffer and work things out for yourself, but I do believe there is merit in speaking with a professional that can help analyze the thoughts and emotions you're trying to process and deal with.

That being said, I've always preferred to work through my issues by myself or with close friends whose opinions I trust and value. It can be hard to open up your deepest and darkest secrets to a complete stranger, at least for me.

For me, it's the exact opposite, as with a complete stranger there's no pressure. I can open up more with a therapist than I can someone I know just because:

a. their sole purpose is to help me work through my issue
b. they are bound by HIPAA, and thus cannot actually tell anyone any information (unless you plan on hurting yourself or others)

 

[AGGAMEMNON66]

When I was in grade school, my parents got divorced and I was forced to join a group therapy sessions. It was all girls; the rest of the boys from broken families refused to go I guess. I didn't know I had a choice.

Long story short; the girls all lost respect for me and never looked at me the same way again. There was a distinct difference in how I was viewed before joining therapy and afterwards, not only among the girls who attended but from the girls who knew I attended. I lost face and my masculinity was diminished by sharing emotions in front of a group of girls.

Even as children, these young girls instinctively knew it was wrong for a male to talk about his feeling. They lost respect for me and it was never regained.

It is what it is. Human nature is a real bitch sometimes.

I'm not trying to be a dick here, but you most likely aren't very good looking judging by this post. Again, not trying to be a dick, just saying.

 

[Jumpy]

For me, it's the exact opposite, as with a complete stranger there's no pressure. I can open up more with a therapist than I can someone I know just because:

a. their sole purpose is to help me work through my issue
b. they are bound by HIPAA, and thus cannot actually tell anyone any information (unless you plan on hurting yourself or others)

Yeah, very valid point. Everyone has their own way with getting through shit. I only ever saw a professional when I was a teenager, but maybe I was too guarded with what I was willing to tell that person.

 

[Mike]

A lot of misconceptions itt about what modern therapy is like. The main model used now is cognitive behavioural therapy, which isn't about vomiting your life story on someone while they ask how things make you feel.


It's more about learning how to correct negative patterns of behavior. Most people with anxiety and depression are self medicating with booze or drugs, or compensating with other coping mechanisms they've developed that aren't really helpful.


The therapy is about learning to change your behavior and thought processes, and how you respond to anxiety and stressful situations.


The goal is to learn to change the way you respond to whatever your issues are, not just to have someone to vent to.

 

[QuitYourCrying]

I'm not trying to be a dick here, but you most likely aren't very good looking judging by this post. Again, not trying to be a dick, just saying.

Your post doesn't make any sense. I was 8 years old when this happened and I was actually considered one of the better looking boys in class.

The girls just lost respect for me once I started sharing emotions and "feelings" in a public setting. Plain and simple. They treated me one way before therapy and a different way after.

 

[AGGAMEMNON66]

Your post doesn't make any sense. I was 8 years old when this happened and I was actually considered one of the better looking boys in class.

The girls just lost respect for me once I started sharing emotions and "feelings" in a public setting. Plain and simple. They treated me one way before therapy and a different way after.

They treated you that way because you weren't physically attractive. Age has nothing to do with it, you can be physically offensive at any age. It's not a big deal or anything, I'm sure you have developed some skills in life that help you get past this sort of thing.


Cheers!

 

[GhostZ06]

Absolutely not.


im pretty open with how i feel, i really dont give a damn what other people thing. If that make me loose my manliness then ok? I'm only human, but i rather not fuck myself up even more
by being a closed box, i mean sure, sometimes i do keep something locked away. However when people start saying im less of a man, then i start seeing them as less of a person an start up the asshole
switch. So in short, no men shouldn't "bear the pain"

 

[NHB7]

There is a middle ground. You don't need to silently bottle your pain up. But you don't necessarily need to go to a psychiatrist. You can express your pain to people you care about. You can process it through some other outlet like music, sports, writing, etc.

You go see a psychiatrist when you've tried to process emotions on your own but it hasn't helped to improve your functioning or decrease your distress.

 

[STEVEN SEAGOLD]

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