Should men silently bear their pain? (psychiatrists)

[Aegon Spengler]

I have to take your word for that. I have no idea other than it was written by L. Ron Hubbard, right?

Don't take my word, google around, watch the documentaries AND take the word of your fellow Sherbro

http://forums.sherdog.com/threads/i-am-an-ex-scientologist-long-read.1107218/

The great and mighty Wil Haven. A legend among men.

 

[SouthoftheAndes]

Life is a struggle, real men are made not born, the struggle is to be expected. Always find outlets, talking to someone and seeing a professional is much better than self medicating via drugs or other dangerous ways. Plus so many guys who keep shit bottled up end up killing themselves from going insane in their heads and not being able to speak out.

It is also a myth that men in the great ages of yesterday kept everything bottled up. That is not true, it was a relatively recent but perverted sense of 'manlyness' to think that bottling everything up is healthy. Those same guys say that while becoming addicted to drugs or fucking their lives up.

 

[ralphc1]

Men should not, no. Men who were made to "silently bare their pain" often wound up as alcoholics who committed suicide or beat their wives - or turned to any other number of outlets.

People find outlets for their shit. A shrink is an outlet, and can be a healthier one than lots of other options. Doesn't mean it will work for everyone, but, it's got better odds than liquor.

Either one will use up your money and leave you with a headache.

Incidentally, you bear the pain or bare your soul.

Try writing or typing your problems. From what I've heard, all a shrink does is get you to talk about your problems, asks how you feel about them and bills you.

 

[Devout Pessimist]

Real Men bottle up their emotions and move forward with their lives. It is only acceptable to cry when your dog dies.

 

[Aegon Spengler]

Either one will use up your money and leave you with a headache.

Incidentally, you bear the pain or bare your soul.

Try writing or typing your problems. From what I've heard, all a shrink does is get you to talk about your problems, asks how you feel about them and bills you.

You heard wrong brother.

Shrinks have a tough, vague job, but they help a lot of people. I've seen it first hand, and experienced it myself.

You don't just "talk about your feelings". You find out wtf is going on with them

 

[MT7]

I couldn't "silently bear my pain" even if I wanted to. My wife would know what was going on just by looking at my face. And not because my face looks like this:

 

[SouthoftheAndes]

Real Men bottle up their emotions and move forward with their lives. It is only acceptable to cry when your dog dies.

Bottling up is a recipe for disaster. In fact this has been proven.

And I would not cry if my dog died. I don't have a dog right now, but I never got so attached to an animal like that.

Be more sad and cry if a close relative died. But a dog? Yeah I think I would be alright.

 

[wlu29]

What a silly amateur concept to bottle it up

 

[Sampsonsimpson]

Me and a couple of the guys have started having cry sessions. We get together, read diaries, share feelings, maybe pound back a Zima or two, and usually cry. Each session starts with us passing the talk pillow while a Yanni album gently serenades us in the background. I gotta say, it was a little weird at first.. And Steve may be planning to kill someone based on his diary entries, but it really does work wonders. I feel like a new man.

 

[Aegon Spengler]

I knew an afghan war vet who couldn't speak. He hid in the corner of his room after he came home. Guy was in his 50's. Had an adult daughter he couldn't communicate with. She put him in a psychiatric hospital and he did the same shit, sat in the corner of his room, and what he told me was, the doctors said to him: "you don't have to move or do anything, you just need to know that your reaction is normal. Lots of other people react this way too."

They just kept that up until he was annoyed with them. Eventually they got him eating right and on some meds. Took him over a year but these people were professionals.

Eventually he started reacting to them more strongly, mostly getting mad at them, but, they got him talking.

Long story short, I was there the day they discharged him, and I saw him hug his daughter and they both cried.

You gonna tell me shrinks don't do anything after I've seen all that? Gtfo. You gonna tell me that guy should have silently bared his pain, in the fucking corner, barely eating? Once again, gtfo.

For the record, I was at that place too, that's how I knew him, dealing with my own shit. And what he told me was "it can work, if you let it."

I let it and I'm doing better too.

 

[GordoBarraBJJ]

 

[Pugilistic]

There seems to a false dichotomy between “silently bearing the pain” and incessantly looking for someone to validate your emotional booboos. You can be a “man” and still be honest about your feelings. I try to be honest and direct about my emotions without getting emotional. If you get angry or upset, just be like, “hey I’m upset.” Don’t shut your mouth and sulk in the corner and pity your fate as a “man.” I know guys like that and they become very angry and aggressive and trivial slights, which I guess is the acceptable way of expression emotion of “man.” I think those guy are bitches.

At the end of the day, your emotions are your responsibility. That’s not the burden of a man, but of a healthy adult.

 

[ButtonMasher]

When I was in grade school, my parents got divorced and I was forced to join a group therapy sessions. It was all girls; the rest of the boys from broken families refused to go I guess. I didn't know I had a choice.

Long story short; the girls all lost respect for me and never looked at me the same way again. There was a distinct difference in how I was viewed before joining therapy and afterwards, not only among the girls who attended but from the girls who knew I attended. I lost face and my masculinity was diminished by sharing emotions in front of a group of girls.

Even as children, these young girls instinctively knew it was wrong for a male to talk about his feeling. They lost respect for me and it was never regained.

It is what it is. Human nature is a real bitch sometimes.

1. Who cares.

2. Could it all be perception?


You sound insecure, maybe that's the source of your lack of respect.

Nobody is ever gonna lose respect for me because the second they don't show respect, as a man I'm gonna say "cut the shit out".

The idea of people losing respect for you over something so trivial paints you out to be a weak person who was basically looking for an excuse to give his dignity away.

Like the girls just stopped showing you respect and you said "OK" and just threw in the towel and that was it.

Of course nobody's gonna have respect for a "man" who just lays down at the first sign of resistance.

 

[no fat chicks]

If it works for you do it.
I honestly think physical activities and having goals is the best cure for any psychological ailment, but that's just my professional sherpinion

 

[scorpipede]

Don't take my word, google around, watch the documentaries AND take the word of your fellow Sherbro

http://forums.sherdog.com/threads/i-am-an-ex-scientologist-long-read.1107218/

The great and mighty Wil Haven. A legend among men.

well that post definitely makes me interested in further research. They sound like a right good bunch of chaps.

 

[scorpipede]

Either one will use up your money and leave you with a headache.

Incidentally, you bear the pain or bare your soul.

Try writing or typing your problems. From what I've heard, all a shrink does is get you to talk about your problems, asks how you feel about them and bills you.

You heard wrong brother.

Shrinks have a tough, vague job, but they help a lot of people. I've seen it first hand, and experienced it myself.

You don't just "talk about your feelings". You find out wtf is going on with them

if I remember correctly @ralphc1 is the oldest sherdogger on record. He seems to share the same sentiments as my father who is the oldest man known to exist. He's like 80 and shit.

It was the way "real men" used to do it, wasn't it? I know somebody mentioned that the whole bottling approach is relatively new but every old-timer I've spoken to all said the same thing: "real men don't have feelings". To them I say: eat a dick.

 

[Aegon Spengler]

There seems to a false dichotomy between “silently bearing the pain” and incessantly looking for someone to validate your emotional booboos. You can be a “man” and still be honest about your feelings. I try to be honest and direct about my emotions without getting emotional. If you get angry or upset, just be like, “hey I’m upset.” Don’t shut your mouth and sulk in the corner and pity your fate as a “man.” I know guys like that and they become very angry and aggressive and trivial slights, which I guess is the acceptable way of expression emotion of “man.” I think those guy are bitches.

At the end of the day, your emotions are your responsibility. That’s not the burden of a man, but of a healthy adult.

Nice post, to add a little more, I think one thing people who need help getting their emotions under control, do, is allow themselves to get angry at X, Y, Z.

Like - "If this person doesn't show sufficient sympathy for my stated problems, I will allow myself to drink booze/become angry/gamble/use drugs/whatever" - it's something a lot of people struggle with. If you're genuinely going through something hard, be it cancer, a broken leg, or depression, you might expect a certain amount of understanding or sympathy, or empathy, and when you don't receive that, you allow yourself to lose control. It's very hard for people to stop acting like thatl in many instances because it's a learned/habitual kind of behaviour with a strong rational justification. Losing your shit when people don't do what you expect them to do ain't right but it's something people get used to doing and it can ruin lives.

if I remember correctly @ralphc1 is the oldest sherdogger on record. He seems to share the same sentiments as my father who is the oldest man known to exist. He's like 80 and shit.

It was the way "real men" used to do it, wasn't it? I know somebody mentioned that the whole bottling approach is relatively new but every old-timer I've spoken to all said the same thing: "real men don't have feelings". To them I say: eat a dick.

Ya, real men don't use the internet either. Computers are for nerds.

 

[KONG-D'SNT-TAP]

Posting a pic of tony soprano is proof that therapy works.

Him and Dr Melfi got to the root cause of his panic attacks.

 

[KONG-D'SNT-TAP]

Honestly I feel people who don't believe in psychology are kinda intellectually lacking in many areas.

 

[Kraysla]

Men should not silently bear their pain. I don't know why that was ever believed, but all it does is have you suffer in silence while your emotional and physical health suffer. Talking about things and working them out constructively is so much better once you let go of that pseudo macho bullshit.