Sherbros in Recovery v.3!

[EJAXXX]

I need a break soon. I don't crave it daily but I love to get smashed on the weekends. Im gonna do a 30 day break soon to see how I do.

I can't say after 30 days I really felt that much better, but a few months into being completely sober I felt so much more focused and sharp.

Most of the problems I had were all mental after a few weeks. The physical withdrawals went away pretty quickly.

Good luck brother

 

[Der Eisbär]

I kind of hinted at this in an earlier post, but really being sober kind of "set me free." My entire life was consumed with when I was going to start drinking each day. I was going to school at the time, so when I woke up I would plan out my day so that I could start drinking as early as possible. I didn't want to drink and drive, so if I had a relatively easy day of classes I would just walk to class (only 1.5 miles each way) and that way I could skip breakfast and go directly to gin/OJ. I would even mix up 4-5 bottles of gin/OJ so I could sip on them all day in class and at school. Other days where I had to drive because I had to go back and forth a few times I would often skip my afternoon classes because I'd rather drink. Shit like this was my entire existence... living each and every day just so I could get hammered.

So sobering up was really such a change to my life. I wake up now and I'm excited to actually do something each day, rather than just sit around and get hammered. I can go out and do anything at any time... never have to plan out my day in such a regimented day as I did when I was consumed by booze. Beyond that, my life is significantly better in terms of relationships as well. I'm closer to my wife than I have been in years... she didn't mind me drinking, but I wasn't the most fun person to be around when I was hammered. She had to put up with my crap all those years... I lost a lot of time with her because of my drinking... almost lost my marriage. As for healthier, absolutely. I lost a decent amount of weight within 90 days or so of sobering up, and my stamina and mental attitude are through the roof. I'm also now able to stick to a good eating plan because I'm not taking 2000+ calories a day of booze.

Smarter is a tough thing to call... I don't think smarter, but definitely much more capable of critical thinking. Truth be told I used to take most of my tests extremely drunk and do fairly well... even in my engineering courses. My last semester I was sober the entire time and everything just became more simple... easier to grasp concepts and put them to use, easier to find the resources I needed... stuff like that. Almost like a "fog" has been lifted... just makes things move a bit quicker.

That's incredible to hear bro! Thanks for taking the time to share your story. That's a good woman you got there man. She saw the good in you despite what you were doing. Hold on tight to that one.

 

[kpoz12]

Warning, long post!

So my girlfriend and I had plans to go camping yesterday, but a big rain storm halted those. It was very beneficially however, as it afforded me time to reflect on my sobriety and life.

One thing that really hit me was the fact that my old friend Jean came to visit us recently, and he's now earning $35 a hour, super happy, and he and his wife are talking about having a child!

Why did this hit me so hard? Well, Jean and I have been friends for 9 years, and for most of that time he was very depressed, homeless at times, living in the bushes, giving away all his worldly possessions "because nothing in life matters", was a hardcore alcoholic, back in highschool he was a total social outcast, and generally just had a LOT of problems.

I used to feel so very sorry for him, because he always had a heart of gold and a very brilliant mind and unique personality, it just seemed like he did not fit into this world. I used to try to protect him and guide him.

NOW he's killing it: like I said, amazing job, wife, possibly a kid on the way, and he's just so happy. I realized that now I am jealous of him!

Don't get me wrong, of course I am so very happy for him! I was his Best Man at his wedding, and I always wished to see him this happy, but yeah, I was jealous.

At first I felt very sad: I am 27 years old, and all my old friends are making lots of money, getting married, having kids...it just seems like they've "made it" (although of course they all have their own issues and follies, too), whereas I've accomplished nothing.

It felt like I was still trying to be an innocent 18 year old kid, just waiting for my life to start, for my turn, for my time.

I realized that, yes, the last 5 or so years my development as a person and as a man was arrested by alcoholism (set off by my very first, real heartbreak at the hands of a deceitful married woman who dragged me into an affair). Part of the problem is that I can't even really remember much of that time from all the drinking, but the main point was that I just hid from the world, feeling sorry for myself.

But of course during that time I did accomplish things: I won a lot of Jiu Jitsu tournaments, really improved my skills in that field, did some good music stuff, ended up finding my wonderful girlfriend, became the head coach at my Jits gym, and won over the love and support of a lot of great people who believe in me.

But then, I had a pretty deep thought: MAYBE those flashes of brilliance was actually my sickness- the alcoholism- sort of letting the real me go out and do things so that no one- including myself- would realize that I was sick.

As I've talked about before, none of my closest friends or family even knew that I EVER drank at all, I kept it such a secret, and maybe, the sickness hid itself from them and from me by sort of "letting me out of my cage" to "do my thing" so that nobody would notice that I had a problem.
Literally, when I tell my close friends today, they are SHOCKED; they had NO idea that I was hurting so bad, much less that I ever even drank a sip of booze.

Like, these 5 years, I was in a coma, and the wicked sickness that I kept me asleep camouflaged itself in plain sight by allowing me to be a "functional alcoholic".


I still don't have it all fleshed out, but yeah, it hit me pretty hard!

Anyways, at first I was sad when I realsed that I had fallen so far behind in the race of life, but then I felt so happy, happy to be AWAKE and free, and that I have given myself a FRESH START, a SECOND CHANCE, and that this was what so many people ned up wishing they could have!

I may be started the race a bit behind, but I get a clean slate to build the BEST version of myself ever and jump right into a lot of really cool, life-changing shit like the new gym that I'm building. Now it's my time!
-k

 

[BOWHUNTER]

Im struggling with the booze. I started CBT to try to treat it but after my sessions I drink right away.

 

[BOWHUNTER]

Warning, long post!

So my girlfriend and I had plans to go camping yesterday, but a big rain storm halted those. It was very beneficially however, as it afforded me time to reflect on my sobriety and life.

One thing that really hit me was the fact that my old friend Jean came to visit us recently, and he's now earning $35 a hour, super happy, and he and his wife are talking about having a child!

Why did this hit me so hard? Well, Jean and I have been friends for 9 years, and for most of that time he was very depressed, homeless at times, living in the bushes, giving away all his worldly possessions "because nothing in life matters", was a hardcore alcoholic, back in highschool he was a total social outcast, and generally just had a LOT of problems.

I used to feel so very sorry for him, because he always had a heart of gold and a very brilliant mind and unique personality, it just seemed like he did not fit into this world. I used to try to protect him and guide him.

NOW he's killing it: like I said, amazing job, wife, possibly a kid on the way, and he's just so happy. I realized that now I am jealous of him!

Don't get me wrong, of course I am so very happy for him! I was his Best Man at his wedding, and I always wished to see him this happy, but yeah, I was jealous.

At first I felt very sad: I am 27 years old, and all my old friends are making lots of money, getting married, having kids...it just seems like they've "made it" (although of course they all have their own issues and follies, too), whereas I've accomplished nothing.

It felt like I was still trying to be an innocent 18 year old kid, just waiting for my life to start, for my turn, for my time.

I realized that, yes, the last 5 or so years my development as a person and as a man was arrested by alcoholism (set off by my very first, real heartbreak at the hands of a deceitful married woman who dragged me into an affair). Part of the problem is that I can't even really remember much of that time from all the drinking, but the main point was that I just hid from the world, feeling sorry for myself.

But of course during that time I did accomplish things: I won a lot of Jiu Jitsu tournaments, really improved my skills in that field, did some good music stuff, ended up finding my wonderful girlfriend, became the head coach at my Jits gym, and won over the love and support of a lot of great people who believe in me.

But then, I had a pretty deep thought: MAYBE those flashes of brilliance was actually my sickness- the alcoholism- sort of letting the real me go out and do things so that no one- including myself- would realize that I was sick.

As I've talked about before, none of my closest friends or family even knew that I EVER drank at all, I kept it such a secret, and maybe, the sickness hid itself from them and from me by sort of "letting me out of my cage" to "do my thing" so that nobody would notice that I had a problem.
Literally, when I tell my close friends today, they are SHOCKED; they had NO idea that I was hurting so bad, much less that I ever even drank a sip of booze.

Like, these 5 years, I was in a coma, and the wicked sickness that I kept me asleep camouflaged itself in plain sight by allowing me to be a "functional alcoholic".


I still don't have it all fleshed out, but yeah, it hit me pretty hard!

Anyways, at first I was sad when I realsed that I had fallen so far behind in the race of life, but then I felt so happy, happy to be AWAKE and free, and that I have given myself a FRESH START, a SECOND CHANCE, and that this was what so many people ned up wishing they could have!

I may be started the race a bit behind, but I get a clean slate to build the BEST version of myself ever and jump right into a lot of really cool, life-changing shit like the new gym that I'm building. Now it's my time!
-k

I feel like Im delayed 10 years. Im 40 and I feel like Im where a regular 30 year old should be. It's common. Your still young

 

[mjones18]

Sober since May 23 2015 (UFC 187 Johnson vs Cormier).

My number of low quality posts and inane thread starts have dropped drastically. I also make fewer mistakes in general, my worst mistakes these days are procrastinating on projects. Life is much better.

Naltrexone before drinking, that helped me break the cravings cycle.

 

[usmctanker242]

Im struggling with the booze. I started CBT to try to treat it but after my sessions I drink right away.

CBT... Cock and Ball Torture?? haha I get it man, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

-Why are you still boozing after your sessions? Is there any particular reason... are the sessions stressing you out or pissing you off?

 

[DrVanNostrand]

Sober since May 23 2015 (UFC 187 Johnson vs Cormier).

My number of low quality posts and inane thread starts have dropped drastically. I also make fewer mistakes in general, my worst mistakes these days are procrastinating on projects. Life is much better.

Naltrexone before drinking, that helped me break the cravings cycle.

With naltraxone i had a few beers it felt like i hadnt had any alcohol so i stopped drinking. Is this similar to your experience?

 

[Ash E Larry]

Went all of 2014 with out taking a drink, was one of the hardest things i have ever done, but was a damn good feeling to know that i did/could do it.
Seems like you have your shit together so far TS, keep it up man, and not to sound corny, just take it one day at a time.

 

[mjones18]

With naltraxone i had a few beers it felt like i hadnt had any alcohol so i stopped drinking. Is this similar to your experience?

Yes something similar. It was the only time I would consistently NOT finish off the bottle I was drinking. I could start drinking, lose interest, and put it down. I did this approach for about 3 weeks, "Sinclair Method". I don't think I even had to work through my whole prescription before I finally lost the urge to drink.

I'd tried sobering up many times before, but I think that was the final nail in the coffin as I no longer have had that overwhelming craving to get liquor into my system.

I'd strongly suggest giving this a read to anyone remotely interested:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-addiction/201307/drink-your-way-sober-naltrexone

 

[dr_hellno]

Im struggling with the booze. I started CBT to try to treat it but after my sessions I drink right away.

If it's of any consolation, CBT was also my first foray into any sort of treatment. I wasn't one for therapists. It was helpful in that it "broke my cherry" in terms of getting over that stigma/hump, but in retrospect, I know it wasn't the thing I should've started with -- I wasn't in any shape to put any of it to proper use; I felt like I was just trying to get the therapist's approval/get one over on him; it cost a fucking boatload I really couldn't afford; it didn't make me address any underlying issues or pain; and I, like you, walked literally 100 yards to the nearby liquor store immediately after each session.

This isn't to say stop. It's just to say: don't throw in the (overall) towel if CBT isn't proving the miracle fix we're all inevitably hoping for when attempting these things. Especially for the first go.

You gotta throw a handful of darts and see what sticks. In my experience and opinion (and every asshole has an opinion when it comes to addiction treatment -- projection is a hell of a thing), any worthwhile program employs CBT anyway, but ideally also helps get at the uglier causes underlying it all.

 

[dr_hellno]

My number of low quality posts and inane thread starts have dropped drastically.

Christ on a stick... if I actually looked at my post history I'd surely go lay fetal in the corner and never get back up. Fight nights with drinks and live threads -- hell of a thing, hell of a thing.

 

[dr_hellno]

I went to AA and realized my urges came from sitting there an hour everyday and talking about drinking, booze, and consumption, it was the constant source of my urges. I decided to stop going and just kinda keep to myself and my family and I've hit 20 months this July, for what that's worth.

I've just posted 3 times in a row, but c'est la vie. I have to agree with what you say -- and I'm reluctant to admit this aloud, lest people who are just starting out tryin' to get better read it and say "yeah, see, there's no point, why bother." But yes, there was, for me, an element of diminishing returns at a certain point, after many an approach; feeling like "treatment" had started defining who I was, was only reminding me who I was *not*, and was keeping me feeling perpetually in-the-gutter, existentially.

I ran the gauntlet of programs and treatments over several years, one stuck finally, I finished it, then I said: I need to venture back out into the big, bad world and put some of this to actual use and see how I fare, for better or worse.

Some people need -- or just dig -- the go-to reliability of a forevermore-program/group. I get it; it's all good. Not for me -- but please, PLEASE do whatever works for you!

 

[dr_hellno]

As far as jumping off points/places to start go, AA is a terrible one.

Fourth post in a row. Color me inspired or just prone to verbal diarrhea.

Having done AA in several locales, I will say (and forgive me, all those for whom it works -- keep at it!) that I, like you, Significance, think it's dogshit and cultish, regardless of its claims of openness to calling a doorknob your god. It *is* -- AA proper, I mean; there are atheist versions, SMART, etc. out there -- religious and militant and patronizing after the initial veil/sell lifts.

But what it absolutely & unequivocally IS NOT is a "terrible place to start." There's no such thing as a terrible place to start for people who -- like I did -- think ANY sort treatment is bullshit, think all therapists hacks, think opening up in front of groups is for girls and attention whores, etc. Any entry point is just that: an entry point. Which is no small feat when it comes to the beast at hand.

 

[BOWHUNTER]

If it's of any consolation, CBT was also my first foray into any sort of treatment. I wasn't one for therapists. It was helpful in that it "broke my cherry" in terms of getting over that stigma/hump, but in retrospect, I know it wasn't the thing I should've started with -- I wasn't in any shape to put any of it to proper use; I felt like I was just trying to get the therapist's approval/get one over on him; it cost a fucking boatload I really couldn't afford; it didn't make me address any underlying issues or pain; and I, like you, walked literally 100 yards to the nearby liquor store immediately after each session.

This isn't to say stop. It's just to say: don't throw in the (overall) towel if CBT isn't proving the miracle fix we're all inevitably hoping for when attempting these things. Especially for the first go.

You gotta throw a handful of darts and see what sticks. In my experience and opinion (and every asshole has an opinion when it comes to addiction treatment -- projection is a hell of a thing), any worthwhile program employs CBT anyway, but ideally also helps get at the uglier causes underlying it all.

I have done about 5 years of psychotherapy from about age 26-32. didn't really touch on drinking that much just dealing with my fucked up childhood which was ruining my life sub consciously. The CBT is gay, I'm in the field of social work and its been the bees knees for about 15 years. Yeah, Ill give it my 15 free sessions just to see if it can help.

thanks for the reply

 

[BOWHUNTER]

CBT... Cock and Ball Torture?? haha I get it man, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

-Why are you still boozing after your sessions? Is there any particular reason... are the sessions stressing you out or pissing you off?

Its kind of a trigger talking about the thought process of when Im about to drink. Then I get this weird idea that if I get wrecked and document my thought process, it will actually help. Even know I know its bullshit and a rationale to drink. It really sucks being an alcoholic man.

 

[Ares Black]

Went to rehab in May. 79 days clean today. I had a pretty serious coke habit.

 

[HUNTERMANIA]

Hey all, bringing back this thread!

Just hit 4 months stone cold sober from booze. I actually lost track of the weeks, ( and the days a long time ago). Feelsgoodman.

I've put in a TON of mental work: hypnotherapy, incantations, focus exercises, reviewing and reworking my reasons for Mastering Sobriety multiple times a day, plus a lot of general brain training.

I've really committed to MASTERY on this one.

I'm VERY curious to know how the guys from the old threads are faring!
Feel free to join in.

Good shit! Glad you decided to use multiple tools to attack the problem.

I'm like... a Christian now, and part of that is not doing drugs, which I'm doing better and better at, but I'm not like accumulating major clean days. I basically got my addiction focused on my health and now THAT'S the battle, not focusing on progress as much as not using or making the decisions God wants me to make. I drank some caffeine tonight and I'm getting a lot of shit done, but I shouldn't have done it. I also took a pain killer and I haven't done that in a while, but I'm not tripping about that - I won't have the opportunity and I don't even have the inclination to get fucked up anymore. It's really all about what kind of progress I can make and I felt shitty today so I took a shortcut. Mistake, yes, but I'm not like spiraling out of control and I haven't been for a long time. I have to get better at this though.

 

[usmctanker242]

Its kind of a trigger talking about the thought process of when Im about to drink. Then I get this weird idea that if I get wrecked and document my thought process, it will actually help. Even know I know its bullshit and a rationale to drink. It really sucks being an alcoholic man.

Fucking A brother... I used to rationalize my boozing with anything... joy, sadness, grief, splendor, excitement, just about anything. When I finally went sober, it wasn't intentional for me. It was just me not drinking for about 10 days until I finished my final exams... but after those 10 days my entire demeanor had changed. I was sleeping better, my kidneys didn't hurt anymore, I wasn't so pissy and bitchy... and I sat there one evening and it all really hit me that I had been sober for 10 days and I was experiencing all of these very positive emotions and physiological changes. I still really didn't dismiss drinking, but I just kind of let it go the back of my mind for the first time in years. Soon enough it stayed in the back of my mind, and before I knew it, 30 days had passed. Now I'm at just over 20 months.

All I can say is keep an eye out for a good moment, some time which just really feels right, and give yourself an honest shot at changing your behavior. It's a different life when you're not chained to a bottle... it is worth the effort to give it a shot. It's still daunting to me to think about never drinking for the rest of my life... I just know that I have no interest in drinking right now. I don't think I would have ever been able to get over that mental hurdle of thinking about never drinking again... it's just too much to think about. I will say that I absolutely believe I can go without ever having a drink again, the idea no longer scares the hell out of me like it used to.

Good luck man, I hope you find something which works for you.

 

[tdko]

Trying my damn hardest. Been addicted to opiates for 3 years. I went a full month, but relapsed about a week ago. Used for 3 days straight and now im trying again, on day 3 of sobriety. Its just so hard to find any reason to leave the house or advance my career, If im not using all I can do is lay in my room, watching tv and smoking cigarettes, essentially the same thing I did when I used. Im a very instant reward type of person, always have been because of a horrible childhood, I want gratification right away because if I dont get it, I feel that just leaves time for things to go bad again.only thing s that help me mentally are hanging out with my cat and (weirdo alert) envisioing myself hurting people.