Sherbros in Recovery v.3!

[usmctanker242]

Still struggling but it's really cool to hear so many different success stories. I feel like I am almost strong enough to be completely sober, just idk keep fuckkng up.

Any progress is still progress. It's hard to look at the vast future and say that you'll be sober for the rest of your life, but waking up tomorrow and knowing that you're not going to partake just for that day is pretty easy. It does get easier, every single day, and the benefits of being sober are noticeable.

 

[Significance Deficit]

You have made a really negative post here... AA certainly isn't the answer for everybody and it wasn't for me, but it was a place to start. I was forced to go to a few meetings because I got a DUI when I was enlisted in the USMC, and as part of your "treatment" you have to attend a few meetings. It wasn't bad... apparently the quality and content of meetings varies drastically between different groups, but my groups weren't bad. It was lots of old veterans who had spent their entire career being hardcore boozers and who had wanted to make some changes.

Lots of the stuff my group used to do was on weekends, which is great because lots of alcoholics don't know what to do with themselves or how to have fun if they're not drinking. So the group used to have lots of picnics, they would organize baseball/soccer games, and it was a good way to show people that you can have fun without getting sauced. You said BJJ helped you, and that's great, and I certainly believe that getting out there and exercising while sober really plays a strong mental part in going sober. Lots of that is because you're able to see how much further you can push yourself while sober and that's a huge deal.

I agree that we don't know how to cure addiction... perhaps there is no "cure" other than abstinence, but some people need a "jumping off point" to begin to change their lives. If that point is AA, then why do you feel the need to so aggressively declare AA to be a waste? Anyways, I just think these threads do better with a positive message rather than a negative message.

You didn't refute anything I said. I was forced to go to dozens and dozens of meetings because of the courts, probably hundreds over the years. I've been to tons of different places. I know exactly what they're all about.

As far as jumping off points/places to start go, AA is a terrible one. The fact that it's still the go-to suggestion is a big fucking problem. Sorry if you think that's negative but people need to hear that 12 step gospel isn't the answer and that the vast majority of what they say is complete bullshit.

 

[usmctanker242]

You didn't refute anything I said. I was forced to go to dozens and dozens of meetings because of the courts, probably hundreds over the years. I've been to tons of different places. I know exactly what they're all about.

As far as jumping off points/places to start go, AA is a terrible one. The fact that it's still the go-to suggestion is a big fucking problem. Sorry if you think that's negative but people need to hear that 12 step gospel isn't the answer and that the vast majority of what they say is complete bullshit.

OK, you were forced, many times, into AA and it didn't work for you. From the way you're talking it sounds like nothing was going to work for you because you obviously weren't ready to make a change.

And what exactly was I supposed to refute? We know the relapse rates with addicts is sky high... most addicts form a psychological and or physiological connection with their substance and have a difficult time even thinking about existing without it. I agree that AA and 12 steps certainly isn't some kind of universal answer, but your poor experiences don't mean that nobody has ever received benefit from it. You also didn't offer any kind of a solution or alternative outside of your anecdotal experience that BJJ helped you (which you even negated as being a path for others). I even recognized that exercise is a fantastic in helping with addiction... what more did you want?

 

[kpoz12]

I dont think about booze at all, and havent had any urges at all after about 4 weeks in. All the mental work I've done conditioning my subconscious and unconscious mind has really paid off.

I'm not talking down AA, but I just really wish people were aware of non-religious options. And again, maybe AA when done "correctly" isn't religious, but living out in the middle of nowhere with some rednecks running it, you might as well just go to a Christian soft rock concert.

Anyways, let's keep er positive and supportive! Glad to hear from my bros!

 

[HomeRun916]

Any progress is still progress. It's hard to look at the vast future and say that you'll be sober for the rest of your life, but waking up tomorrow and knowing that you're not going to partake just for that day is pretty easy. It does get easier, every single day, and the benefits of being sober are noticeable.

Taking it day by day is going to ultimately helps me over the hump.

I like your note about benefits of being sober, I have been sober before and know that is the 100% truth, but what are some of your guys stuff that you can enjoy while sober that was just not an issue while intoxicated?

 

[Significance Deficit]

OK, you were forced, many times, into AA and it didn't work for you. From the way you're talking it sounds like nothing was going to work for you because you obviously weren't ready to make a change.

I'm sober. I never participated in the program, I went there because I had to.

What are you talking about?

And what exactly was I supposed to refute? We know the relapse rates with addicts is sky high... most addicts form a psychological and or physiological connection with their substance and have a difficult time even thinking about existing without it. I agree that AA and 12 steps certainly isn't some kind of universal answer, but your poor experiences don't mean that nobody has ever received benefit from it. You also didn't offer any kind of a solution or alternative outside of your anecdotal experience that BJJ helped you (which you even negated as being a path for others). I even recognized that exercise is a fantastic in helping with addiction... what more did you want?

If you're going to reply at all, you should've been making a legitimate case in defense of AA. You didn't do that, probably because it's impossible to do that. It is a fact that 12 step meetings do not help. If you want to say otherwise, let's see a study that proves that. The only studies I know of have shown the exact opposite.

Also, offering no solution is a step towards finding a solution. It is progress. Before public consciousness can change and evolve regarding the nature of addiction, old myths need to be dispelled.

 

[usmctanker242]

Taking it day by day is going to ultimately helps me over the hump.

I like your note about benefits of being sober, I have been sober before and know that is the 100% truth, but what are some of your guys stuff that you can enjoy while sober that was just not an issue while intoxicated?

Simple stuff always jumps out at me... I can jump in my car at anytime of the day and not worry about "has it been long enough, could I pass a breathalyzer, etc." Also, there's other stuff like I love to go for hikes, and it was fun to do when boozing, but I knew if I drank yesterday, that I wouldn't be able to go for very long due to dehydration, stamina, stuff like that. I also love to bowl, and as much as I enjoyed bowling while drunk, my consistency was dog shit. I'd have 220 games followed by 110 and I would just be mad and pissed and it would ruin my night.

Sobriety really just brings about a sense of freedom... no longer worrying about when I last drank, when I'm next going to drink, not having to worry about what I did yesterday.

 

[usmctanker242]

I'm sober. I never participated in the program, I went there because I had to.

What are you talking about?



If you're going to reply at all, you should've been making a legitimate case in defense of AA. You didn't do that, probably because it's impossible to do that. It is a fact that 12 step meetings do not help. If you want to say otherwise, let's see a study that proves that. The only studies I know of have shown the exact opposite.

Also, offering no solution is a step towards finding a solution. It is progress. Before public consciousness can change and evolve regarding the nature of addiction, old myths need to be dispelled.

I have never tried to make a defense for AA being a success... my entire point was that it helps some people and when people are lost and don't know where to start, I personally feel that it's a good place for that. You don't... fine, just no need to be negative about it.

Offering no solution is simply that... you brought nothing to the table, yet you were happy to knock everything else off the table for everybody else. Good luck dude.

 

[usmctanker242]

I dont think about booze at all, and havent had any urges at all after about 4 weeks in. All the mental work I've done conditioning my subconscious and unconscious mind has really paid off.

I'm not talking down AA, but I just really wish people were aware of non-religious options. And again, maybe AA when done "correctly" isn't religious, but living out in the middle of nowhere with some rednecks running it, you might as well just go to a Christian soft rock concert.

Anyways, let's keep er positive and supportive! Glad to hear from my bros!

These are good points about AA... I'm an atheist and I'm in North Carolina (bible belt) so we had lots of religious zealots, but all in all the group I went to was just a good group of people. Most were devoutly religious and they chose to work the steps and blame their higher power for their problem, but for lots of them it just seemed to work. My main group had about 50 people in it, and at least half of them had at least a year of sobriety under their belt.

I also ran into the religious problem when I did my in-house counseling with the Marine Corps. Our counselors were all religious so they had issues with how I just wasn't willing to blame somebody other than myself for my problems. But at the end of the day I got through it and it helped... I went back to drinking after all of that, but years later I've finally sobered up.

 

[Significance Deficit]

I have never tried to make a defense for AA being a success... my entire point was that it helps some people and when people are lost and don't know where to start, I personally feel that it's a good place for that. You don't... fine, just no need to be negative about it.

No, it doesn't. Some people believe it helped them because of the rhetoric that was rammed into their heads day in and day out but statistics show that they would've been just as well off doing cognitive behavioral therapy or going to the gym or riding a bike or... doing nothing at all. It's not being negative to point that out when people are suggesting going to a meeting.

Offering no solution is simply that... you brought nothing to the table, yet you were happy to knock everything else off the table for everybody else. Good luck dude.

I didn't knock shit off the table. There was nothing on it to begin with.

Pseudo-solutions and old plagiarized religious nonsense get in the way of honest discourse on this subject though, so it's important to point that out to people who may be vulnerable and susceptible to manipulation, like many addicts are. They're grasping at straws because nothing has worked so far, then around 1 out of every 20 happens to sober up while also going to AA and then they tell anyone who'll listen how great it is. It doesn't work and saying otherwise is harmful. Unless you have evidence that proves otherwise, you should stop doing it.

 

[Der Eisbär]

For those of you that got sober how does it feel? How do you feel? What's your mindset like? Do you feel healthier? Smarter?

 

[kpoz12]

For those of you that got sober how does it feel? How do you feel? What's your mindset like? Do you feel healthier? Smarter?

Mostly I feel free.

Free from worry of regret, sabotage, self destruction...much more financially free lol. I just know that now I am in control of MY life.

Its hard to put into words, but I generally just feel very calm, peaceful, and free about life.

I don't wake up scared shitless of what I'll find when I check my phone, I don't have to try fix insane problems that I've created while drunk; life is just way less stressful, which is funny because "stress" is usually one of the triggers to drink in the first place. It's just as if I have so much less worry or fear, which again, is usually one of the excuses I used to use to justify my drinking!

Of course I still have challenges and problems, but they seem much smaller compared to the problem of drinking until I passed out and not really knowing, or caring, if I'd ever wake up again or waking up to find that I had ruined my life.

 

[Significance Deficit]

For those of you that got sober how does it feel? How do you feel? What's your mindset like? Do you feel healthier? Smarter?

I got good at jiu-jitsu. People started to trust me again. Old friends who had fallen by the wayside began to reappear. Bit by bit, I started to be able to set more long term goals instead of being trapped in the moment and only able to live 'one day at a time.' Eventually I was able to think lucidly about all the problems in my life. The compulsion still exists in my brain but I was freed from the shackles of addiction where my answer to everything was to drink or use. The past feels like a bad dream now and it's hard to imagine ever going back to that place. I'm finally able to accomplish things in a way that I was never able to in the past.

You don't truly understand what you're doing to yourself until you put some time together. I hated hearing shit like that when I was new to sobriety but it is what it is. I've heard that it happens around 6 months in for a lot of people. For me, it was 9-10 months in where it was like the sky cleared all of a sudden and I was able to comprehend the gravity of what I had been doing to myself.

I don't know that I feel smarter but I went back to school last year and I'm usually one of the top students in my class now, whereas in the past I was barely able to put together passing grades. I was a blue belt for around 5 years because addiction prevented training, then I got sober and made it to black belt in around half that time. The progress that happens now compared to then is insane.

Honestly, I think I still don't fully appreciate what all that shit did to me. I was talking to a girl a while ago who I had lost contact with for a long time. She was telling me how nice it is to talk to me now and how insufferable I became when my slide was happening. I legitimately didn't remember ever treating other people as badly as I did. I had such a victim mentality at the time, I really didn't understand that I was the reason people were disappearing from my life. I only looked for faults in others and not myself. Getting sober humbled me. Ego is a powerful thing and I had to really reevaluate mine in a way that most people never do.

 

[Zimo]

I havent touched opiates since April 2015. Ive fairly hit the booze since then though. Need to curb it, especially after writing off my car while pissed

 

[Der Eisbär]

I got good at jiu-jitsu. People started to trust me again. Old friends who had fallen by the wayside began to reappear. Bit by bit, I started to be able to set more long term goals instead of being trapped in the moment and only able to live 'one day at a time.' Eventually I was able to think lucidly about all the problems in my life. The compulsion still exists in my brain but I was freed from the shackles of addiction where my answer to everything was to drink or use. The past feels like a bad dream now and it's hard to imagine ever going back to that place. I'm finally able to accomplish things in a way that I was never able to in the past.

You don't truly understand what you're doing to yourself until you put some time together. I hated hearing shit like that when I was new to sobriety but it is what it is. I've heard that it happens around 6 months in for a lot of people. For me, it was 9-10 months in where it was like the sky cleared all of a sudden and I was able to comprehend the gravity of what I had been doing to myself.

I don't know that I feel smarter but I went back to school last year and I'm usually one of the top students in my class now, whereas in the past I was barely able to put together passing grades. I was a blue belt for around 5 years because addiction prevented training, then I got sober and made it to black belt in around half that time. The progress that happens now compared to then is insane.

Honestly, I think I still don't fully appreciate what all that shit did to me. I was talking to a girl a while ago who I had lost contact with for a long time. She was telling me how nice it is to talk to me now and how insufferable I became when my slide was happening. I legitimately didn't remember ever treating other people as badly as I did. I had such a victim mentality at the time, I really didn't understand that I was the reason people were disappearing from my life. I only looked for faults in others and not myself. Getting sober humbled me. Ego is a powerful thing and I had to really reevaluate mine in a way that most people never do.

Beautiful bro. I love hearing stuff like this. I think im ready to get sober

 

[RawHawg]

For those of you that got sober how does it feel? How do you feel? What's your mindset like? Do you feel healthier? Smarter?

2 big things I have found with stopping alcohol is that you sleep much deeper and better, and your body temperature really drops. Alcohol can really play havoc with your heart, making it pound and making you sweat while laying there. That deep natural sleep I had forgotten was possible, was a great effect of being sober.

 

[kpoz12]

Indeed, life is so much better sober, but, I feel like not enough people talk about things like PAWS- post acute withdrawal syndrome, and I know for me it definitely helped knock my ass off the wagon!

PAWS doesn't happen to everyone, but basically, you do start to feel much better and improve your life, then around 4-5 weeks in, you start to feel worse: tired, irritable, and the one that hit me the most, bouts of insomnia and nightmares. I simply could not sleep more than a few hours for over a week, and when I did sleep it was full of really fucked up nightmares. I was tired, beaten down, and really pissed at the world, lol.

But, eventually it did pass after about 10 days, and after that it's been really smooth sailing. Looking back on my previous attempts at sobriety, PAWS totally hit me when I hadn't heard of it, and it definitely was a MAJOR factor in my previous relapses.

The other big thing is being patient- but persistent- with yourself. Many times I would think, "why the fuck don't I feel BETTER yet? It's been _____ amount of time, why do you I still feel tired, weak, etc?". Then I realized, hey, I spent so many YEARS destroying my braincells, body, and biochemistry, it's gonna take just a little of time for those things to heal, and then more time on top of that for them to strengthen themselves again! The more poison that you've pumped into your body over a long period of time, the longer it's gonna take to feel better!

So yeah, life DOES get so much better in every way possible, but, you gotta arm yourself with the knowledge and skills to deal with PAWS, as well as the inevitable challenges, temptations, and frustrations that you WILL eventually be forced to battle.

Tackle it just like Jiu Jitsu/Muay Thai/Boxing: you WILL face a ton of adversity that makes a lot of people give up, but, if you commit to yourself and push through, you enter a world beyond compare. And, just like in Martial Arts, LEARN and GROW from every single experience you have, especially the "defeats" or bad times.

Stay strong, be patient, but always persistent; and commit to freeing yourself.

 

[YoungBoyd]

For those of you that got sober how does it feel? How do you feel? What's your mindset like? Do you feel healthier? Smarter?

Great. Physically speaking haven't had a bad day in years. I stopped drinking at an early age(25). I get to go to the gym more and i also got more time reading. I have started taking java classes and i also take psychology classes. No way i would have done this in addition to a job back when i was going to parties. I am a lot less social now though, but i don't mind it. I am not very social anyway, an introvert. It feels like a relief to not have to go to parties anymore. So in conclusion i feel healthier and more productive. I guess you can call the latter smarter.

 

[usmctanker242]

For those of you that got sober how does it feel? How do you feel? What's your mindset like? Do you feel healthier? Smarter?

I kind of hinted at this in an earlier post, but really being sober kind of "set me free." My entire life was consumed with when I was going to start drinking each day. I was going to school at the time, so when I woke up I would plan out my day so that I could start drinking as early as possible. I didn't want to drink and drive, so if I had a relatively easy day of classes I would just walk to class (only 1.5 miles each way) and that way I could skip breakfast and go directly to gin/OJ. I would even mix up 4-5 bottles of gin/OJ so I could sip on them all day in class and at school. Other days where I had to drive because I had to go back and forth a few times I would often skip my afternoon classes because I'd rather drink. Shit like this was my entire existence... living each and every day just so I could get hammered.

So sobering up was really such a change to my life. I wake up now and I'm excited to actually do something each day, rather than just sit around and get hammered. I can go out and do anything at any time... never have to plan out my day in such a regimented day as I did when I was consumed by booze. Beyond that, my life is significantly better in terms of relationships as well. I'm closer to my wife than I have been in years... she didn't mind me drinking, but I wasn't the most fun person to be around when I was hammered. She had to put up with my crap all those years... I lost a lot of time with her because of my drinking... almost lost my marriage. As for healthier, absolutely. I lost a decent amount of weight within 90 days or so of sobering up, and my stamina and mental attitude are through the roof. I'm also now able to stick to a good eating plan because I'm not taking 2000+ calories a day of booze.

Smarter is a tough thing to call... I don't think smarter, but definitely much more capable of critical thinking. Truth be told I used to take most of my tests extremely drunk and do fairly well... even in my engineering courses. My last semester I was sober the entire time and everything just became more simple... easier to grasp concepts and put them to use, easier to find the resources I needed... stuff like that. Almost like a "fog" has been lifted... just makes things move a bit quicker.

 

[usmctanker242]

2 big things I have found with stopping alcohol is that you sleep much deeper and better, and your body temperature really drops. Alcohol can really play havoc with your heart, making it pound and making you sweat while laying there. That deep natural sleep I had forgotten was possible, was a great effect of being sober.

This is strange to me because I would almost always wake up feeling very rested after getting hammered the night before. One of the reasons I took to drinking so heavily was because I just couldn't shut my brain off and sleep when sober. That was also one of the hardest parts of sobering up... took me a long time to get better rest at night, but I still NEVER sleep through an entire night.