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ownedbytriangle

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BJJ is the only sport I've ever done that has captured my attention 100%.

I was so passionate about it at one point in my life that it was all I thought about 24/7. (like all of you I'm sure)

Here I am now slowly spiraling down; watching my health deteriorate.

Obviously I want to start again... When I was doing it I was actually happy... Stress free, in shape, 6 pack, more compassionate, just all around a better person mentally and physically

As much as I want to do it I have this mental block to continue. The mental block being my sexuality...

Now when I say this I know some of you are assuming it has to do with rolling and getting physical with other guys. But that is absolutely 100% incorrect.

The real issue is that I like to have a feminine body(random, i know). :icon_neut IE~shaved legs, fake tan, manicures/pedicures and I'm just flat out afraid of what others think because it's so out there.

I really don't know what I'm expecting out of this thread...I'm just desperate to get back on the mats. I've been taking yoga as a substitute and it just doesn't fill the void.

If I were to join a new gym do you think I should just be straight forward and tell the instructor I'm gay? I'm just scared to put myself out there.
 
What's the worst that could happen? Keep going to gyms until you find one you like.

Why did you stop going to your previous gym?
 
I went to a gym in San Diego for almost 2 years. The day I was to be promoted to blue I got in trouble at school and my instructor didn't give it to me. I lost a lot of motivation after that. Although I still trained, I didn't train as much.

Joined the military(now out) and only trained for roughly 6 months of the 4 years I was in (for the same reasons stated above).

Now I'm out of the military, back in SD, and trying to find the strength to get back into it.

Reason I got out of the military, take a guess, lol. I just want to live my life and be who I am. Just so hard to not give a FK i guess...
 
What kind of trouble did you get in to?

There was this "circus freak"- thread where a guy was worried about his appearance and starting BJJ. You should read it through.

The most important thing is your attitude. Be humble and willing to learn. Don't give shit and you won't receive any.
 
It was so long ago I can't even remember, nothing crazy though.

As far as attitude goes I was always nice, humble, kept to myself. Trained 3 hours a day in my prime and loved every second of it(except take downs! drilling take downs hurt).

Thanks for the heads up about the circus thread; Some warm hearted comments in there.

In order to feel comfortable I'd have to be straight forward and tell the instructor. But even that thought alone puts me off. :icon_cry2
 
If it's not a big deal for you, I'd say you'd have to accept the fact that if you roll and train hard you're gonna gain some muscle. But remember that a lot of things are controlled by diet as well. As well as your training style.

As for telling your instructor. That's up to you. Since you are scared to even start, I'd say telling the instructor to check his reaction and potentially gain an ally who will look after your training would be very important. (Remember that you don't have to give him the entire story. Just the most important parts)

You could choose to just keep it a secret, but I don't think that would take away your fear. Complete honesty and finding the right academy for you seems like a much better idea. It's what you have to do. You will feel uncomfortable doing that. But just doing BJJ is going out of your comfort zone for most people. Treat it like training. It's something you force yourself to do because when you've done it, things get better and you feel better.

Good luck.
 
Man kiss those manicured and pedicured nails goodbye if you want to train LOL. I'm constantly having nails ripped up.

Just be open about who you are and train. People will either accept you or not. Go where they accept you.
 
Just do it. Plenty of dudes shave their legs these days and no one is gonna give a shit about a tan.

You will have to get over your nails being fucked up, though. Haha.


If anyone has a problem rolling with you because you are gay, that's their problem dude. I'm pretty sure I have rolled with some gay dudes, although they aren't open about it for whatever reason.
 
Take a deep breath, and just go.
Forget about anybody else- it's 2013.
If one gym doesn't feel opening to you, try another one. I'm sure there are plenty of gays who train BJJ, so I think you're making a bigger deal out of it than necessary.

You'll probably see/hear dickheads wherever you train, but probably no different to what you encounter when you're outside the gym.

Good luck
 
Go train and be open about who you are, if people dont accept you, you are spared investing your time and friendship in insecure or immature people anyway.
If youre so passionate about training, go and f*ng train!
 
Funkoar said:
Just do it. Plenty of dudes shave their legs these days and no one is gonna give a shit about a tan.
Click to expand...

That literally describes half of the "I train UFC!" crowd as it is. Gotta show off the bi's and tri's bro.

To the OP: listen, I really wouldn't worry about it. I've trained at many gyms and encountered many gay/lesbian BJJ players who were perfectly comfortable on the mat and fantastic training partners.

In a masculine training environment, yeah sometimes the gay jokes will be fly, but it doesn't necessarily indicate hatred.

I train frequently at a gym in TX where 90% of the members would vote Republican, be against same-sex marriage and they're still there at every tournament cheering on their gay team members like anyone else. There's genuine love there.

If you encounter a really disrespectful training partner, let the coach know. If the coach doesn't address it and it's a systemic problem, find another school. I'll bet that most will be more accepting than you think.

Go get'em!
 
I honestly would have 0 problem training/rolling with a gay guy. I would expect him to act the same way when I roll with a female. Be respectful and just train.

Will you get razzed by some insecure people? Likely
Will it be tough at times? Yes
If you keep your head up and be the bigger person no matter what, will people grow to respect you? Absolutely
Will there be some people who avoid rolling with you? Absolutely, but I pity those.
 
I don't see the problem here, if you want to train then train this is BJJ not oil wrestling your orientation is your business.
 
I don't see why you need to tell an instructor that you're gay, as long as you're clean and keep those painted nails trimmed short, you'll be fine.
 
Are there any decent gyms down there with female head instructors?

1. I don't believe you don't remember!
2. The body issue, are you afraid of becoming masculine (build wise) or being looked at funny because you carry yourself feminine?
3. Yes be open and honest with your concerns with your potential instructor up front. Maybe even in a short email form first to set up a meeting and then have an honest discussion with him.
4. If you found the courage to join the military and go thru boot camp, you can find it to get back on the mat.
 
I don't see why you would walk in a say "I'm gay". I doubt people care too much. I've rolled with a guy who I suspected was gay and it didn't bother me. If a hetero guy can roll with a girl and not view in an sexual way, then why is it weird when a homo guy rolls with another guy? Calm down and train.
 
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