Relationship with your coach/instructor

Andreh is awesome, great guy and great instructor. Our classes are small but the energy is always positive.
 
My instructor is my hero. Not only is he an amazing BJJ practitioner and amazing instructor, he's also an amazing person who I know will never sell me out or do me wrong in any way. He will not bend in his beliefs for any amount of money. If you are a punk, you won't stay at his school. You will get "fixed" or be shown the door. He would go bankrupt before he'd sell out. I can't express how much I admire him for that.
 
My instructor is a good guy. Probably would help anyone out in a situation in which he could. He is generally friendly to everyone and remembers everyone's name or personal details about them. He does keep a good level or distance and professionalism with the students. We are not good friends or anything like that, but I would say we are friendly. If that makes sense.
 
My coach is really laid back, and he's known most of his students for years. So at times it can turn into a social hour with him.
I think he likes me. Lol he gives me extra attention because we have the same exact body type, he really likes giving me little pointers on how I can use body mechanics weigh t and leverage right, without spreading myself out too much. Were both pretty tall so I get good instruction on trips as well. He's like your grandpa if he were a complete bad ass and always joking around off the mat.
 
We have a good relationship.

Except when we roll and he ankle locks and heel hooks me over and over again.

Then I hate him.

But he's cool.
 
Great relationship with my instructor... pretty much just like a best mate. He rolls with just about everyone every night too.
 
As soon as you step foot in our school, you're family. From the owner/coach on down. You're just as likely to find one of us crashing on his couch as you are rolling in his gym.
 
Super close with both my coaches. They are my friends and mentors and call or text me every day that I'm not in the gym. It's awesome.
 
i think i prefer to keep a safe but friendly distance from my instructor.

at my last school where i was doing judo i developed a very strong bond with my instructor and my training partners (there were only 5-6 of us). we'd go out with him after training, he pushed us brutally hard but it was all out of love. it was an amazing time. then he found out i was gay (which i never hid, but there was a language barrier, and while all the guys knew and we'd all joke around about it, it never really came up with him directly). within a week or two things went to shit. on good days he simply ignored me. on the bad days he was cruel and berating. when i was doing well in sparring and beating guys, he'd just stop the fighting with this look of disgust and make me sit on the sidelines, and then chastise anyone i beat saying, literally, "you let him beat you?!?" on days when i was losing, he'd do the same thing but with this air of "of course you suck." it was heartbreaking. it wasn't just that he hurt my feelings by acting like an idiot, it was ... the disappointment. it's just hard when someone you really look up to turns out like that.

eventually i refused to tolerate the bs anymore and left, but i really missed my training partners. we had a tight knit group. they were like my brothers. i miss them but i'm better off where i'm at now, and my training has progressed markedly.

long story short: being tight with your partners and instructor can be an amazing experience and a boon to your training. but there's a flip side: if something goes wrong, the resulting drama can be a death blow. frankly, the art is too important to me to risk switching schools again. my current instructor is very friendly and approachable. he's tight with some of the guys in the school, but not all. but he treats everyone equally, and is just a pleasure to be around. honestly, after my last go-around, i think it's much better this way. overall i think it's a much more level and balanced approach. it is for me anyway.
 
ohmalley said:
i think i prefer to keep a safe but friendly distance from my instructor.

at my last school where i was doing judo i developed a very strong bond with my instructor and my training partners (there were only 5-6 of us). we'd go out with him after training, he pushed us brutally hard but it was all out of love. it was an amazing time. then he found out i was gay (which i never hid, but there was a language barrier, and while all the guys knew and we'd all joke around about it, it never really came up with him directly). within a week or two things went to shit. on good days he simply ignored me. on the bad days he was cruel and berating. when i was doing well in sparring and beating guys, he'd just stop the fighting with this look of disgust and make me sit on the sidelines, and then chastise anyone i beat saying, literally, "you let him beat you?!?" on days when i was losing, he'd do the same thing but with this air of "of course you suck." it was heartbreaking. it wasn't just that he hurt my feelings by acting like an idiot, it was ... the disappointment. it's just hard when someone you really look up to turns out like that.

eventually i refused to tolerate the bs anymore and left, but i really missed my training partners. we had a tight knit group. they were like my brothers. i miss them but i'm better off where i'm at now, and my training has progressed markedly.

long story short: being tight with your partners and instructor can be an amazing experience and a boon to your training. but there's a flip side: if something goes wrong, the resulting drama can be a death blow. frankly, the art is too important to me to risk switching schools again. my current instructor is very friendly and approachable. he's tight with some of the guys in the school, but not all. but he treats everyone equally, and is just a pleasure to be around. honestly, after my last go-around, i think it's much better this way. overall i think it's a much more level and balanced approach. it is for me anyway.
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Oh man, that's rough. If your training partners were fine with it how could your instructor not be? What a jerk. Unfortunately that is the downside of being very close with someone--if you do have a disagreement or misunderstanding, the fallout can be much worse.

Personally I kind of treat my BJJ instructor like I would treat my boss at work. Respectful and with a clear sense that he's senior to me, and knowing that too close of a relationship would be inappropriate because it could lead to favoritism or drama. Even though I'm paying him and not the other way around.
 
ohmalley said:
i think i prefer to keep a safe but friendly distance from my instructor.

at my last school where i was doing judo i developed a very strong bond with my instructor and my training partners (there were only 5-6 of us). we'd go out with him after training, he pushed us brutally hard but it was all out of love. it was an amazing time. then he found out i was gay (which i never hid, but there was a language barrier, and while all the guys knew and we'd all joke around about it, it never really came up with him directly). within a week or two things went to shit. on good days he simply ignored me. on the bad days he was cruel and berating. when i was doing well in sparring and beating guys, he'd just stop the fighting with this look of disgust and make me sit on the sidelines, and then chastise anyone i beat saying, literally, "you let him beat you?!?" on days when i was losing, he'd do the same thing but with this air of "of course you suck." it was heartbreaking. it wasn't just that he hurt my feelings by acting like an idiot, it was ... the disappointment. it's just hard when someone you really look up to turns out like that.

eventually i refused to tolerate the bs anymore and left, but i really missed my training partners. we had a tight knit group. they were like my brothers. i miss them but i'm better off where i'm at now, and my training has progressed markedly.

long story short: being tight with your partners and instructor can be an amazing experience and a boon to your training. but there's a flip side: if something goes wrong, the resulting drama can be a death blow. frankly, the art is too important to me to risk switching schools again. my current instructor is very friendly and approachable. he's tight with some of the guys in the school, but not all. but he treats everyone equally, and is just a pleasure to be around. honestly, after my last go-around, i think it's much better this way. overall i think it's a much more level and balanced approach. it is for me anyway.
Click to expand...

That sucks dude. I hope your new school stays drama free and hopefully is more accepting.

My instructor is... intense. He has a very tough MMA and self-defense mindset with his jiu jitsu, and can be kind of harsh when people fuck up. I'm sure he scares some of the newer students, but I've known him for a while now and I would categorize our relationship as professional. Get in, train, leave - no buddy-buddy, no drama - even though we get along really well.

Edit - basically exactly what redaxe said.
 
redaxe said:
Oh man, that's rough. If your training partners were fine with it how could your instructor not be? What a jerk. Unfortunately that is the downside of being very close with someone--if you do have a disagreement or misunderstanding, the fallout can be much worse.

Personally I kind of treat my BJJ instructor like I would treat my boss at work. Respectful and with a clear sense that he's senior to me, and knowing that too close of a relationship would be inappropriate because it could lead to favoritism or drama. Even though I'm paying him and not the other way around.
Click to expand...

that's actually a good way of dealing with it. do you go for meals after training or something? just curious to see how far the professionalism goes.
 
My instructor comes across like "one of the guys." He talks shit, but completely welcomes others to dish it right back. With that said, all of us naturally assume a bit of a deferential tone while around him.

Overall: Awesome person, very approachable, and a solid instructor.
 
My instructor feels comfy enough to make black jokes with me. That should explain how cool we are with each other.
 
My BJJ coach and my Judo coach have helped me get laid, nuff said.
 
Romulo is my strict professor who makes me do push ups when I curse or accidentally call him dude, my friend who jokes around with me and pretty much my dad who gives me advice, consoles me when I cry and looks out for me. I think it's okay to be close with an instructor as long as you know when to call him/her professor and when you can make fun of them. :D
 
It seems as though the vast majority of you have at least a friendly relationship with your instructors. My question is: Can you progress in BJJ to a high level if your coach is cold and degrading? You can find plenty of examples in other sports of successful coaches who are probably not loved by their players.

Are there examples of this in BJJ? Ralph maybe?
 
I'm 17 and my instructor is 30, so I look up to him a lot, kinda like a big brother thing. I'm the youngest person in my class by far, so I'm like the class pet. Nobody really takes me seriously (yet!!) but I don't mind that much. We're a pretty small class so except for a couple of the guys who don't go too often, we're all good friends so it's okay.
 
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