Puppy Dogs and Ice Cream and White Knights

When did you realize that girls aren't into a guy who tries to 'out female' them by showing how he can be more compassionate, more sensitive, more spineless....

When I was a freshman in high school there was a girl that I got along with pretty well. We went on a couple of dates but her interest in my seemed to ebb and flow.

I thought I'd win her over by ingratiating myself to her but it didn't seem to work.
One timebefore school started I came in early and put flowers and balloons and stuffed animals in her locker only for her to throw all of it out and get embarrassed by it.

I thought she just didn't like me. That weekend I was supposed to come over to her house and we were going to watch a movie.... but it didn't even seem like she was even all that interested in it.

So I never went. I just stood her up, never called, nothing. I didn't even think it would matter because she certainly didn't seem to give too much of a damn when she threw all of that stuff away.

I went out with some friends instead that night and played basketball. When I got home my dad told me that Jenny was calling the house like a mad woman.
We started dating very shortly after that and I began to catch on to the rhythm of it all.

I thought it was just unique with her.... but that never really seemed to be the case.


Any one else have similar stories?

 

its true

girls dont know what they want

so just do whatever you feel like until one comes in

-guy who got engaged on saturday to the best girl he ever met
<-----

p.s. guys dont know what they want either

 

Bad advice in OP.

Don't stand your girls up guys.

 

I'm not giving advice.
I wasn't making any kind of plan when I did it. I was just tired of chasing after a girl who seemed to have waning interest.

 

It's always weird when some of you older guys try to speak for every female in the world based on your own experiences with women.
I've had varied experiences. Some girls like when I'm mean and angry, some like when I'm compassionate and caring. The former shut down when I was the latter, the latter got scared and put off when I was the former. The one I'm with now likes both sides. The other girls aren't wrong and neither am I, they just want someone different than me and I need someone different than them.

Women are people too and people vary. This seems to go over the head of a lot of you. Stop trying to fit everyone into a box so that you can rationalize with your own air of superiority or your own rhetoric.

I say that with respect Paul because I like you and you present your thoughts in a mature way. However, I think you're being very shortsighted here.

 

Fair enough.

 

But congrats on bagging a crazy one (assuming you're still with Jenny). They're the best

 

Jenny and I are still friends....but nah, not with her.
If we would have stayed together we would have killed each other sometime around 2001.

 

I see what Daspy's saying, but I think Paul's point is important for a lot of young guys to understand.

Women like men, not women (with the obvious exceptions). They grow up with fathers and brothers and male cousins and all that and they know what men are like. But lots of young guys, myself included at a younger age, feel like women can't handle/aren't interested in our masculine faults, but it's the opposite. They understand that we're men and they, at best, appreciate it. At worst, they'll excuse it. "Boys will be boys."

Flip the genders and it makes sense. We'll put up with a stereotypically naggy, emotional woman if she's pretty and caring because many of us had mothers or sisters that kinda fit that description. We know how to interact with a woman like that.

But the girls that think playing rugby, speaking crudely and farting in public will land them a man are just as delusional as the guys that think they need to be passive and careful to land a girl.

 

Oh man, this was that long ago?
Young women are a whole 'nother breed now. I know I'm generalizing the way I accused you of doing prior, but the internet done changed the game. I think in the 80's and 90's women internalized and vented in socially active ways; ie calling you like a madwoman. She wanted to talk to you. She probably talked to her friends about it that night.

Now between tumblr, twitter, instagram, fb, etc., women internalize and then externalize in passive aggressive, partially private ways, which is just beyond toxic. There's no release valve, just multiplication of feeling and it drives some of them to this hyperbolic state of outward coldness and internal confusion and fury. There's no socialization, just inner struggle with absolutely no context from another person, and any other context or disagreement scares them off.

Not trying to generalize, but that's just been my experience with so many girls these days. A lot of men too. There are guys who I hang out with that never talk about women in person outside of "i want to _____ ____ in her ____", but then just bitch incessantly on social media about women and relationships.

Toxic.

 

All of them?

This site's obsession with the barely attractive and intolerable Ronda Rousey blows this point to smithereens

 

http://www.philly.com/philly/living/20140519_Sleeping_with_his_aunt_is_stressing_him_out.html

 

No. But in general. And if they don't have men intimately in their life, there's the media's presentation of men as dominant, crass, simple, direct, etc.

 

I think if this discussion was being had in 1998, you'd be spot on, but the current era of young women generally love non-threatening men.

 

How young are we talking? Maybe that's what teenage girls are into, but I'm 25 and I didn't start getting attention from girls until the last few years, after I made the switch.

I think part of it has to do with honesty/confidence, too. A guy who is genuinely an asshole and is acting the part will get a better response from women than a guy who is genuinely an asshole and being "good" to get a girl. Above all, women like confidence (women of any culture/generation), and it takes more confidence to be yourself than it does to change yourself to impress someone.

 

Whatever tactics used it's important to remember that none of us choses what to be attracted by, or when or why to fall in love.

If we could reason our way to attraction, acting like a douchebag wouldn't land anyone anything.

Alas...

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I think we all can agree on some level that if someone is 100% in love with you and 100% devoted and dedicated, there's a little voice in the back of your head that hints that you sold yourself short.

 

I picked these comments out ... "toxic" you are correct from what I see on the outside looking in... Because I'm so glad that I'm out of the game ... happily married.

A young guy at my gym was showing me snatch pics via phone a girl sent him after he had been out with her only twice... that he met on line. I'm like.. wtf. That is sooo crazy to me.... And she was hot... game done changed.

 

Hey Polish, will you be sad if Tyrion gets his head cut off? I haven't read the books but the Mountain looks like a pretty scary dude...

 

I tend to disagree with this.

I was recently working as a counselor/social worker at a high school (since this is the age bracket TS mentioned I'm assuming you're speaking about similar) and this really didn't come across as being the case.

Most of the girls had pretty strong social connections (I'd end up knowing an entire class from speaking with one student because they'd have so many connections) and if nothing else were certainly good at venting. I think the idea that young people are significantly socially impaired because of social media is a bit overplayed (which isn't to say there aren't exceptions to that idea, but I question if social media is the cause or just the outlet).

There are absolutely passive aggressive people who retreat in to 'subtle' whining online to vent as opposed to something constructive, but I wouldn't consider this to be the norm. I'd imagine we probably just take more notice of it now since social media makes it semi-public whereas before it was 100% private and something that we weren't at all privy to.

 

I just want to say I have gained a lot of respect for Da Speeit ITT. Just very well articulated points that I agree with, despite your frequently assertive personality. How old are you anyway? You referred to 'the older guys' but from your posts I had always pegged you to be in that category yourself.