Practical Life advice/Survival tips vol 1

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Jack Handy jr, Jun 3, 2014.

  1. Kanuck99

    Kanuck99 Green Belt

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2008
    Messages:
    1,441
    Likes Received:
    2,190
    Location:
    Winter Wasteland
    Your wife will eventually look like her mom.
     
  2. Jack Handy jr

    Jack Handy jr Silver Belt

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2014
    Messages:
    12,114
    Likes Received:
    5,978
    Location:
    LV-426
    If there is grass on the field play ball....ask for id first
     
  3. Jack Handy jr

    Jack Handy jr Silver Belt

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2014
    Messages:
    12,114
    Likes Received:
    5,978
    Location:
    LV-426


    CHL for high chancellor of Mayberry......:icon_surp
     
  4. Gametheory

    Gametheory Brown Belt

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2013
    Messages:
    2,617
    Likes Received:
    42
    Lurking for ten years? Sounds legit.
     
  5. ObsoleteSoul

    ObsoleteSoul Silver Belt

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2009
    Messages:
    13,970
    Likes Received:
    14,373
    Good thing my girls mom looks great for 65. Save like wisdom here
     
  6. Deathstriker

    Deathstriker I eat Simba and wear his skin

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2012
    Messages:
    2,859
    Likes Received:
    144
    Location:
    Honolulu, Hawaii
    Don't rush into doing anything. Think about it first.
     
  7. Street Level

    Street Level Black Belt

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2010
    Messages:
    5,405
    Likes Received:
    544
    Location:
    On the mend but skipping physical therapy
    If your tight on money stop all the auto bill pay stuff. If your balance if low something will catch you off guard and overdraft your shit.
     
  8. SMillard

    SMillard Red Belt

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2007
    Messages:
    8,571
    Likes Received:
    3,300
    Location:
    America's wang
    I didn't, it was my roommate and his two friends.

    I had the flag and stayed sober it was like trying to corral cats, I swear the compression at depth increases the effects. One of them tried to buddy breath with fish including a barracuda, another kept picking up the same shell, show it to "everyone" putting it down, swim away, circle back and pick up the same shell again. The third was going around screwing with other people's anchors trying "pull" their boat.
     
  9. Bukowski82

    Bukowski82 Buckle up belt

    Joined:
    May 25, 2012
    Messages:
    13,828
    Likes Received:
    2,011
    Location:
    America
    lol
     
  10. SMillard

    SMillard Red Belt

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2007
    Messages:
    8,571
    Likes Received:
    3,300
    Location:
    America's wang
    the worst part was a couple weeks later they all went out on the boat again with six strippers.

    My roommate comes home and says "you won't believe what happened" then tells me about going out on the boat with a cooler full of beer, plenty to smoke, another cooler full of food, the six strippers and the three of them. Then after a detailed account of what happened I said "and you didn't think to ask me to go?" he answered "I wasn't sure you'd be down for that kind of thing"
     
  11. PON3

    PON3 Banned Banned

    Joined:
    May 16, 2014
    Messages:
    443
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Wubville
    Skin on Skin or don't go in
     
  12. fingercuffs

    fingercuffs and now my bitter hands Platinum Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2007
    Messages:
    67,037
    Likes Received:
    2,463
    Location:
    San Jose
    The ribbed one's on inside out isn't it?
     
  13. Rhood

    Rhood Gold Belt

    Joined:
    May 14, 2008
    Messages:
    16,449
    Likes Received:
    5,937
    Always act on your instincts.
    The longer you wait for something, the less value it has for you.
    Keyword: Friend zone
     
  14. Deathstriker

    Deathstriker I eat Simba and wear his skin

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2012
    Messages:
    2,859
    Likes Received:
    144
    Location:
    Honolulu, Hawaii
    They better invite you again:icon_cry2
     
  15. Bme26

    Bme26 Green Belt

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2013
    Messages:
    1,067
    Likes Received:
    379
    Always double check your resume before sending it off. A couple years ago my sister proof read my resume. She had used the correction markers through Word make the changes. By the time I received it back it was full of a lot of little notes. I read through each one and made the appropriate corrections. From there, I located the tab that said" remove markers" and removed them. I was very comfortable with my final draft so I decided I would use it to apply to a position I had a contact from. So I drafted up a cover letter, attached my "final resume" and sent it off.

    A few minutes later, I thought that maybe I should go back and recheck everything to make sure it all went through. When I went to my sent folder, I opened the email I sent to the company, and then opened my resume. Annnnd it had all the markers/corrections (all in red) my sister had made for full display.

    Needless to say, I never ended up getting a call. But it certainly was an important lesson to double check everything before sending anything off.
     
  16. CreativeTomato

    CreativeTomato Tomato Belt

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2011
    Messages:
    2,805
    Likes Received:
    819
    Location:
    Liking Random Ladies' Instagram Pics
    Good advice.
     
  17. Jack Handy jr

    Jack Handy jr Silver Belt

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2014
    Messages:
    12,114
    Likes Received:
    5,978
    Location:
    LV-426
    survival tip. firstly r.i.p Man vs Wild. What ever you make think of Bear Grylls, imo he was the sheeet. now, if you ever find your self stranded in the Sahara, and you happen upon a side winder snake. try to grab the snake by the tail, until it strikes at you. as it strikes it is imperative that you catch it with your left hand. Now proceed to cut its head off with your survival knife, separate the snake, from its skin, make a make shift wine skin like bottle out of the snake's skin, urinate in the skin (to drink later if H20 is hard to find) eat the snake meat fresh. I actually saw Bear due this on an episode of Man vs Wild years ago, this is a legit survival tip.
     
  18. Kühle Hand Luke

    Kühle Hand Luke Mr. Cool Hand Luke Ice

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2007
    Messages:
    66,499
    Likes Received:
    13,854
    Never pee into to the wind while sitting in a boat without a paddle and no condom on.
     
  19. Jack Handy jr

    Jack Handy jr Silver Belt

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2014
    Messages:
    12,114
    Likes Received:
    5,978
    Location:
    LV-426
    survival tip. if you ever find yourself about to get "jumped" mentally chalk this experience in the "L" column now to escape this with some degree of ego intact. start bagging your self into a corner or keep your back to a wall. identify which attacker is the most slight of build or just the smallest guy then throw the first punch.

    flip your wolverine berserker fury on the little guy and just beat the living shit out of him. while his buddies are well kicking the shit out of you lol. By the time a bouncer reaches you, you'll have your ass kicked, but at least try to send one of them to the hospital!
     
  20. MortalWombat

    MortalWombat Vombatus Sherdoggus

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2005
    Messages:
    7,249
    Likes Received:
    235
    Location:
    Australia
    Never start a land war in Asia.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.