Overcoming my lack of confidence...

[Nickuraba]

I'm coming to you bunch of 14 year old smart asses for advice for some odd reason, but bare with me and try to be nice. I know this isn't the best forum for this, but any advice is appreciated.

Anyway, I'm 2-1 as an amateur fighter and won my first 2 pretty convincingly and my third fight was looking like a 30 second KO and my 3rd win....but 40 seconds later I'm caught in a triangle tapping out in my hometown in front of my family and friends. Shortly after, I changed schools and in a nutshell, I went from being a big fish in a small pond, to getting the reality check of a lifetime and having my ass handed to me on a daily basis....still going through that Anyway, somewhere between the loss and the new team giving me a reality shock......I just lost it. I feel scared for the first time in my life when it comes to fighting. Not scared of pain, but just afraid of losing. 3-1 sounds good.....2-2 sounds like the beginning of a journeyman. I have no aspirations of being a UFC fighter, but I would like to be successful on some kind of level since I'm doing it. I don't know, I just feel like I lost something and don't know how to get it back. Can anybody with a similar story offer some advice? I appreciate every reply this, but especially the ones from fighters since it truly takes being a fighter to understand what it means to go out there in front of your family, friend, and a thousand other people who just want to see someone get hurt....and the guy on the other end HAS to hurt you to win. For some, its the fear of getting hurt. For others like myself, its the fear of losing. I have a fight coming up on January 13th and between now and then, I need to get my head right because I feel like I've already lost this fight. Somebody, anybody, tell me something that gonna change my life(on an MMA level anyway). Thanks guys.

 

[Sinister]

This would probably be better responded to in Ask The Fighters.

 

[P-Town BeatDown]

Thats a tough one man, cause no one is going to be able to inspire you here with mere words. If you talk to a lot of fighters though they will tell you the fight is won more so in the gym than in the ring, so it sounds like you are on the right track by getting better quality training partners. You really just have to prepare yourself for each fight until you feel like you have done everything you can possibly do to be ready, then it doesn't matter what happens cause you know you gave it your all. And it is NEVER anything to be ashamed of when you step in the ring and give everything you've got.

That aside, wasn't there a time when you started training when you were only doing it for the fun of it? I bet you could give two shits about whether you were gonna win your upcoming match because you were having fun rolling with the guys at the gym. I would also be willing to bet that your state of mind then was where you would like to be now. I could be way off base obviously, but it is something to think about. Maybe all you need is a break to "rediscover" what it is that got you into MMA in the first place.

Didn't mean to get all Dr. Phil on ya there. Feel free to disregard this whole post if you want.

Good luck either way man.

 

[triplex429]

life is short...why are you going to spend precious moments of it fearing somthing that hasn't even happened yet? you can't control the outcome or the final result of that fight. you can however control what you do up to that date and how you compete. no use in fearing somthing that hasn't yet happened

 

[True2KungFu]

dude you are letting this get to you too much. I had the same problem in boxing, if i lost a fight it totally wrecked my nerves. Look at it as a fun experience that you can learn something from. When i lose a taekwondo match, even if i get totally robbed by judges like in Nationals 06.... im a little pissed, but you LEARN from it. its not the end of the world. Look at your losses or bad sparring sessions and use it as motivatoin to work on your weaknesses. Be glad someone better than you showed you what you need to work on. Its the journey that is important dude. Ali lost a bunch of his first amature fights, as did Rocky Marciano. Just learn from them and keep your nose to the grindstone. and HAVE fun.

 

[$uperman]

Train hard and often. And after each training think what you did right and wrong. Train your weakness.
Try a fight style that works for you and look at fighters with that style. Learn from experienced fighters in your gym.

You train now with better opponnent, So maybe you are getting better without knowing it. Or your just in fase when you don't develop as fast as you use to.

 

[Matt Thornton]

[Takes a deep breath...]

(by the way, my main idea is down towards the bottom in bold, if you wanna skip the long stuff)

I think obsession over your record is one of the worst enemies of a fighter. It happens to all of us. You want a great record; you want to be able to say "I'm 30 and 2" or something.

But even though your record is part of how you're judged as a fighter, understand that a great fighter is MUCH more than his record. You could have an outstanding record without ever facing really skilled opponents. I've won wrestling and grappling matches where I just entirely outclassed my opponent; he was absolutely no match for me. And those victories don't last long in your mind... within the course of 20 minutes you begin to think "I just ended up with an unskilled opponent, I look good to all these people but I'm really just fighting cans." If anything, I think that's even worse for your confidence, because you worry how you'll do against tough guys.

What draws fame and attention to fighters is more than just numbers. People watch fighting partly because they admire the bravery of those who decide to compete. Fighters who try new things, who don't quit, who are in great shape and give action packed fights are the ones who go down in history. I would rather fight an all-out war with an extremely legit opponent, that exhibited textbook technique on both sides, and lose by split decision than knock out a can.

Who is one of the most loved fighters in MMA? Sakuraba. Why? While his record is good, it's not all that impressive, either. (20-9-1) So he doesn't get that unstoppable machine reputation like Fedor does. But it's about way more than that. Watch any of the old PRIDEs, and you'll see at that point, MMA was boring as shit (even from a grappler's point of view). Nobody tried passing guard, sweeping, anything. Standups never happened. "Lay and Pray" was defined here. Then Sakuraba comes along; a Japanese guy who was competing way above his natural weight, and had a pro wrestling background. But even in those old PRIDEs, he had the balls to do things nobody else did. He was always inventing new tricks; cartwheels and mongolian chops and baseball slides! And on top of all that, he had the courage to entertain the audience against bigger, stronger, meaner opponents.

It's clear today that Sakuraba is past his prime. His whole body is taped up. He's a chronic smoker. He's aging. But there's no doubt in my mind that they're going to have to pry his fighting license from his cold, dead fingers. And I also believe there will always be a place in the MMA community for Saku, even when he does retire. He will always be respected as a great fighter.

Champions like Fedor, in the eyes of the audience, come and go. That's because they're put up on this pedestal, and with each victory the myths people create about these fighters grow crazier and crazier. And then, they lose. It will happen. And when they do lose, the first thing everyone says is "He's overrated, he wasn't even that good." They don't lose all their fans, but they lose their claim to fame: supposed invincibility. That is why your record only takes you so far.

What about Rickson and Royce? Rickson has the Fedor aura. You always hear all these crazy claims, true or not, about the unbelievable things he can do and how he is by far the best. When you put on a BJJ gi, don't lie, you would love to be Rickson Gracie at that moment, about to defeat the biggest and most technical guys with your hands tied in your belt, remaining undefeated. But what if Rickson went on a 4 loss streak? Royce is not as skilled, and does not have as good a record as Rickson. But Royce gained respect by displaying unbelievable courage in the first UFCs. Royce is much more of a hall-of-fame kind of martial artist than Rickson.

O.K., so maybe it's about more to you than just being the most popular girl in school. You want more than just for people to like you. Well, in the end, here's how I see it: only you can define your greatness. Though I have made the shift from TMAs to RBSDs to, ultimatey, MMA and combat sports, I will always carry the spirit of TMAs with me.

Here is the way I see it:

I am, first and foremost, a martial artist.

Greatness comes to me long before I step in the ring.

Victory is the mastery of technique, the development of my physical and mental conditioning, the journey towards transforming myself into something more.

Honor comes to me when I have the strength to make sacrifice in the face of temptation.

Respect comes to me when I have the bravery and mental fortitude to persevere through what most would quit at.

Pride is knowing that I laugh in the face of genetics or any other feeble attempt at weak people trying to define what I will be or do. It is knowing that I constantly seek to overcome my limitations and, by any measure, prove skeptics wrong.

There are those who will always be stronger, more talented, smarter, faster, luckier, and more experienced than myself. I will find limitations, and I will never be invincible. But, NOBODY and NOTHING can take away from me my values, my determination, my dedication, my heart, and my warrior spirit.


Don't worry about your records. Don't worry about what level you reach. Only worry that you are doing everything and anything you can to be better (short of eliminating the importance of family and true friends). Once you reach that level of full commitment and self-actualization, you know that there is nothing more you can rightfully do. And it is when you reach that point that you should no longer question yourself, because it is beyond your power to change it.

It is that kind of pride and greatness that lasts. The kind of greatness you worry about not reaching is paper greatness; the kind of bragging rights that will get you respect from 14 year olds on Sherdog. Yeah, I'd much rather have a good record than a bad one and avoid ignorant people generating bad opinions of me. But I would NEVER choose that kind of greatness if it somehow meant giving up on the values I wrote in bold above. And neither should you. Life's short, man. I'd rather live it fighting for myself and my loved ones than trying to impress ignorant people.

Train. Sweat. Bleed. Starve. Cry. Doubt. Believe. Sacrifice. Compete. Fight. Win, and if this isn't possible, then don't lose until you've given every inch of your being. Is it hard? Beyond words. Is it always fun? Absolutely not. Will you be the best ever? Odds are, most likely not. But know that the majority of the world lacks the courage and discipline to live like this, and therefore will never have the pride you do. And believe me, whether or not they admit it, they KNOW it.

Now get off your ass, put together a nutrition plan, set up the best training program you can, and prove to yourself that you are a warrior.

 

[SnowBlynd]

Win or lose, if you give the crowd a hell of a fight, they'll respect you.

 

[$uperman]

Iceman5592. I agree with you ,but not the Fedor part, because I think when Fedor retire He will be seen as the greatest or one of the greatest MMA fighter ever. Even if lose a few fights.

 

[$uperman]

I really like this qoute of Iceman5592.

Pride is knowing that I laugh in the face of genetics or any other feeble attempt at weak people trying to define what I will be or do. It is knowing that I constantly seek to overcome my limitations and, by any measure, prove skeptics wrong.

 

[Leviathan333]

Easier said than done; don't treat competition as a win/lose thing as much as you think of it as experience (unless you're going for a title or a big paycheck or something).

Obviously you'll still be bummed if you lose and pretty excited if you win, but that's result not purpose. If you're going into it with less emotion and concern about the win vs loss aspect (ie don't talk tons of trash) it's a lot easier to deal with.

I wouldn't mind losing, but I WOULD mind not performing well. I'd want to be well represented. I might not have friends/family there for my first fight, don't want any extra pressure, just want to focus on the fight.

That could be one idea, don't invite people to watch you, then you'll worry about it less.

 

[DropBows]

I kind of got the same way when I was training for my first fight. I was pretty scared of losing and how it would affect me mentally. The training was so intense, I felt like I had a lot riding on the fight (my pride). Are you training harder at the new place?

I cant say I overcame the mental hurdle because unforutunately, my fight got cancelled and I haven't trained for mma since.

You just need to change your perception. You dont choose who they put in front of you. It can be anyone, it can be someone who sucks or someone who's on a level that's above yours. Your pride not need to rest so heavily on your wins/loses. I will admit that when you talk about your wins/loses to people they quickly judge you. But screw them.

Remember, pride comes before fall.