Not in the mood. Have you ever convinced someone to have sex and is that bad?

[MikeMcMann]

Ok so this Weinstein situation has created or outed some pretty polar ideas on what constitutes non consensual or bullying in a sexual relationship with your wife, girlfriend or someone you are dating.

I am shocked by guys like @snakedafunky and @Kframe having views that any attempt to change the mind or convince your wife, girlfriend, date into sex when they might say no or they are not in the mood is akin to rape.

They do not accept that there are not just different types of women but also that there are different situations. I've been with women who are super aggressive sexually and if for instance I came home grumpy from work and not in the mood she would quickly set about getting me in the mood and changing my mind because she could see i need the stress relief and vice versa.

so what say you sherbro's, have things changed this much that if you come home and your gal says I am not in the mood and you persist, tease and flirt to get her in the mood that, that is somehow abusive or her just relenting out of pity as Kframe says? Can a man or woman not be won over and not only participate willingly but also be glad you persisted and it being one of the more passionate exchanges you have?

i tell ya, if most people agree with those guys then I guess things have changed a ton and Im glad I am older and did not spend my youth in a time where guys were afraid to show they were really into a gal before she may have felt the same and to try and convince her based on that passion.

 

[Kframe]

coerce .

That is the correct word, and is never appropriate in a sexual relationship.

 

[j123]

Just tell them you post on Sherdog. That would get him hornier than the spikiest cleats

 

[Pugilistic]

Lol you can't convince somebody to have sex with you if they don't want to. I know a guy who doesn't get human interaction and he doesn't get why he can't logically convince a woman to sleep with him and blames that on women being illogical.

I have had women who didn't want to sleep with me but change their mind. I wouldn't say I "convinced" them though.

 

[RerouteToRemain]

That is the correct word, and is never appropriate in a sexual relationship.

That word means to use force or threaten. If you are doing that I would agree with you statement.

I think trying to put someone in the mood via flirting and whatnot is much different from that.

 

[MikeMcMann]

That is the correct word, and is never appropriate in a sexual relationship.

My example that you likened to abuse was the example I gave where my then, girlfriend was getting ready for a night out at the theatre we had planned.

I found her to look very sexy while getting all dolled up which made me want to have sex with her. Her having spent all that time getting dolled and not particularly in the mood at that moment was saying 'not now' as I tried to get her to get busy with me. I persisted playfully but also aggressively and she eventually became turned on reacting to how turned on I was and we messed up all her makeup and hair and were late for the show.

You stated that type of thing is abusive and at best pity sex. That a woman would only give in there because she feels sorry for you. You position is its not possible that her finding her partner so turned on could also turn her on and change her mind and make it mutual. You say only mutual sex where you both know you want it at the exact same time and no one has to 'convince the other' is ok.

I wonder if others agree and if that is the reality in young peoples world today. That no partner can ever try to convince the other by turning them on and somehow they must always both be at the mutual state at the same time or sex should never happen??

 

[CerebralKnievel]

Are we talking convincing as in, turning them on by hitting their buttons, or like, debating it with them like an obnoxious child until they give in to shut you up?




.....



Because the latter option is the only one with which I have experience.. (Sigh)

 

[CC's left foot]

convincing is not violence. c'mon people.

 

[Peteyandjia]

I won't say that nagging someone to have sex with you is akin to rape, but I will say that it's the opposite of hot.

I've never understood why anyone would want to try pressuring someone into sex. A good portion of the appeal of sex (for me anyway) is that the person *wants* to have it with you. If that's not there, then it's not meant to be.

 

[MikeMcMann]

Lol you can't convince somebody to have sex with you if they don't want to. I know a guy who doesn't get human interaction and he doesn't get why he can't logically convince a woman to sleep with him and blames that on women being illogical.

I have had women who didn't want to sleep with me but change their mind. I wouldn't say I "convinced" them though.

that is an lolwut? moment for me.

I can't tell you the number of times I would come home from a work and shitty day and not be looking for sex from my ex wife. I would be angry and my mind in a far away place stuck and dwelling on the days events.

My then wife seeing this would often completely convince me to have sex by basically seducing me out of my haves and bad mood. She would actually state after she could see I needed to be pulled out of that place.

I've been with numerous women 'not in the mood' in that moment for many reasons and you are, and so you do things to convince them. Maybe its something as simple as getting her to dance with you while she feels how turned you on you are and that changes her mood.

Do people here really think the person you are with mood CANNOT be changed by how turned on you are? That if your lady sees your arousal and how much you want her in that moment that cannot change her from a no, to a yes and lead to some crazy passionate spontaneous sex?

 

[Wrath of Foamy]

People do things when they want things. It’s a part of human nature.

I often feel rejected when my partner doesn’t want sex. I take it personally.

Would be better if I just stopped trying.

 

[MikeMcMann]

That word means to use force or threaten. If you are doing that I would agree with you statement.

I think trying to put someone in the mood via flirting and whatnot is much different from that.

No then coerce is not the correct word there then. Convince is the better word.

For example what he said was wrong was if your girlfriend says 'not now, I am not in the mood' while she is getting ready, and you through persistance get her in the mood and you end up having sex he says that is wrong, and at best you are getting a pity fuck and worst you are bullying.

he believe any attempt to convince the other if they are not initially in that mood is wrong.

 

[snakedafunky]

Ok so this Weinstein situation has created or outed some pretty polar ideas on what constitutes non consensual or bullying in a sexual relationship with your wife, girlfriend or someone you are dating.

I am shocked by guys like @snakedafunky and @Kframe having views that any attempt to change the mind or coerce you wife, girlfriend, date into sex when they might say no or they are not in the mood is akin to rape.

They do not accept that there are not just different types of women but also that there are different situations. I've been with women who are super aggressive sexually and if for instance I came home grumpy from work and not in the mood she would quickly set about getting me in the mood and changing my mind because she could see i need the stress relief and vice versa.

so what say you sherbro's, have things changed this much that if you come home and your gal says I am not in the mood and you persist, tease and flirt to get her in the mood that, that is somehow abusive or her just relenting out of pity as Kframe says? Can a man or woman not be won over and not only participate willingly but also be glad you persisted and it being one of the more passionate exchanges you have?

i tell ya, if most people agree with those guys then I guess things have changed a ton and Im glad I am older and did not spend my youth in a time where guys were afraid to show they were really into a gal before she may have felt the same and to try and convince her based on that passion.

Lol, you must be anxious about getting done for rape mate.
The other thread wasn't enough to take the fear away?

Anyway, have fun using your tactics on your future cellmate.

 

[MikeMcMann]

Are we talking convincing as in, turning them on by hitting their buttons, or like, debating it with them like an obnoxious child until they give in to shut you up?




.....



Because the latter option is the only one with which I have experience.. (Sigh)

By hitting their buttons. By trying to turn them on so they change their mind.

In the other thread that was clearly defined as bullying or at best pity sex if you have to in any change a persons mind to get them in the mood for sex.

 

[CerebralKnievel]

By hitting their buttons. By trying to turn them on so they change their mind.

In the other thread that was clearly defined as bullying or at best pity sex if you have to in any change a persons mind to get them in the mood for sex.

That sounds like some modern dickless social justice triggered little coward shit to me.

If you turn her on, good for both of you. If you're just verbally harassing her and she gives in to stop your begging that's a little pathetic. In neither case is there anything overtly incorrect at play.

 

[Seaside]

If women likes or loves a man and is with him and finds him she finds him attractive and of high value (cute, hot, sexy) they will almost always give in or at least give him oral. and in fact you not even need to ask them for sex, they want it initiate it or you never ask you just initiate and they give in. I basically never ask i just initiate or she does, you can ask ís this okay´if there a language barrier or something to make sure but yeah.


never ask for sex. ask for blowjob sure but not sex

Men who are with women who do not find them really attractive or high value have to live with sexless nights and sex whenever she says.

High value men viewed as sexy do not deal with this. this is a cold brutal truth

 

[MikeMcMann]

I won't say that nagging someone to have sex with you is akin to rape, but I will say that it's the opposite of hot.

I've never understood why anyone would want to pressure someone into sex. A large part of the appeal of sex (for me anyway) is that the person *wants* to have it with you. If that's not there, then it's not meant to be.

No one is suggesting nagging here. Certainly not me. I am suggesting the opposite of nagging.

There have been times where I have found my partner super sexy for whatever odd reason at that time of day and she might not have been in that frame of mind and you start to get playful and she says something like 'not now I am not in the mood'. But as you continue to playfully push she feels how much you are in the mood and into her in that moment. Girls can and do find a guys passion for them hot and it CAN change their mood and suddenly she can be horny too simply reacting to how horny you are.

I've had some of my most spontaneous and hottest sex that way when neither of us, was thinking about and then suddenly a mood hits and you make it happen.

oh and btw it goes both ways. Many times the gals I've been dating got me in the mood when I wasn't prior because I could sense how in the mood they were.

Krrame, for one states that is wrong. You either both are or not simultaneously and any attempt to change the other is wrong and abuse.

 

[MikeMcMann]

Lol, you must be anxious about getting done for rape mate.
The other thread wasn't enough to take the fear away?

Anyway, have fun using your tactics on your future cellmate.

this is the other dude who suggests it 'tactics' and akin to 'rape' if you ever convince someone to have sex who might not have been in the mood prior.

 

[FierceRedBelt]

 

[snakedafunky]

this is the other dude who suggests it 'tactics' and akin to 'rape' if you ever convince someone to have sex who might not have been in the mood prior.

Yeah because you misrepresent here what you actually said.
You said when it comes to first time sex with a girl you have to be the aggressor because women like to submit to men.
And that sex is an ugly game.

At least keep it honest. You will have enough time spinning your behavior in front of a jury.
No reason to do it here.