My Ultimate MMA -Massive Mayan Apocalypse- Card (satire)

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by ISWThunder, Dec 20, 2012.

  1. ISWThunder

    ISWThunder HTTP Error 404 File Not Found

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    As the clock ticks toward the apocalypse, once again, the doomsday preppers are loading their guns and locking their bunkers. Although the Mayans could not foresee their own collapse in the 9th century, it seems likely that they have predicted the end of the world correctly. And like a Japanese schoolboy on New Year’s Eve, I’d rather sit in front of the TV and watch MMA than join the world in making a fool of itself.

    So with just one more chance for the best marital artists in the world to prove their greatness, they have descended upon McNichols Arena, the site of UFC 1, for one final night of battle. As the world’s dignitaries begin to file into the arena, which has been relocated deep into the heart of the Rocky Mountains, Joe Rogan welcomes the crowd, since his alien invasion bunker was conveniently located nearby.

    Here's my card:

    Jacare vs Maia
    Lombard vs Belfort
    Henderson vs Melendez
    Aldo vs Edgar
    GSP vs Hendricks
    Overeem vs. JDS
    Fedor vs Couture
    Jones vs Anderson Silva
    Sakuraba vs Rickson as a true sign of the apocalypse.

    ...

    Alistair Overeem v Junior Dos Santos

    The heavyweights are up next. The crowd is finally full and Bruce Buffer, ignoring the existence of previous fights, welcomes everyone to the show. There is a quiet rumble that spreads throughout the building and agitates the crowd. It gets louder and louder until Alistair Overeem bounds out of the locker room. Overeem has once again undergone metamorphosis and Ubereem has returned. Junior dos Santos complains about the lack of drug testing, but his pleas fall on deaf ears.

    Dos Santos uses his technical striking and footwork to attack from the outside. Ubereem snarls in return and spams left and right hooks. Eventually, Ubereem grabs a hold of dos Santos’s right arm and tears it off. As the UFC champion laid in an ever-growing puddle of blood, Ubereem holds the appendage over his head and screams in victory. He runs through the cage and continues his rampage in the crowd. Animal control units are sent in to tranquilize Ubereem and allow the card to continue.

    http://t.co/gG4FTbQU
     
  2. squat

    squat Green Belt

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    No Overeem vs any two given flyweights?
     
  3. ISWThunder

    ISWThunder HTTP Error 404 File Not Found

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    I was afraid that he'd mistake Dodson for a horse and eat him before the fight.
     
  4. ISWThunder

    ISWThunder HTTP Error 404 File Not Found

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    Nobody? Not even someone to tell me how unfunny it is? That's a bad sign.
     
  5. Rob Battisti

    Rob Battisti HR for HR

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    Lost me at Hendricks / GSP SNOOZER
     
  6. ISWThunder

    ISWThunder HTTP Error 404 File Not Found

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    In fairness, in the link, the fight never ends and they continue to grapple while everyone moves onto the more interesting fights.
     
  7. Starck

    Starck Black Belt

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    I do not see a single apocoliptic fighter on this card.
     
  8. ISWThunder

    ISWThunder HTTP Error 404 File Not Found

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    Not even Rickson vs Sakuraba? I'm pretty sure the earth would end if they actually fought.
     

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