My brother is dead at 36.

IamStryker said:
Still have my brothers but my father died of cancer when I was five. I have so few memories of him that I am convinced my brain just pushed them out to stop the pain.
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That seems to be one method of coping. With all of the people I've lost over my lifetime, the sadness never goes away. It's there every time I think of one of them. I've gotten used to it.
 
Losing loved ones is never an easy process. Just gotta stay strong man. We all deal with it eventually
 
I have no siblings so I can't relate to this - never met my Dad - so my Grandfather passed unexpectedly just recently despite being in great shape and it hurts like hell. He filled in the role of all those people and I cry every day

Life is hard you guys

I wish I could be more useful here but all I can do is wish you the best getting through this - stay strong and please accept my condolences
 
Langstarr said:
The man who was my best friend my entire life is gone just like that. One minute making me laugh, one minute gone and making me cry. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. Still don’t know the cause, but it was 3 days before Xmas and my world has been altered forever. It feels like I’ve had a limb amputated. I don’t want to live in a world without him. He was so important to me. We didn’t even have a whole lot in common. We were just bonded, welded together by love. He left me a few days after I told him my wife and I are having twins, one of which he would’ve been The Godfather of no doubt. To make things worse, this happened in the middle of my mom dying of pancreatic cancer. I’m going to have to go through this all over again in a few months.

I’m not asking for sympathy, prayers, and I certainly don’t want worthless likes. Besides this being very cathartic to write it down, I am asking anyone out there who’s lost their sibling at a young age to reach out to me and tell a bit about their experience. I want to know what it’s been like for others that have been through this. My heart is broken, my mind is scattered. My life feels meaningless, but I am not hopeless at all. Besides the twins, I have an amazing wife and my father is with me regularly. I know I’ll be ok eventually, but right now, it hurts so fucking bad.

Please help anyone who’s been through this.
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I know what you're going through. It's a harsh reality to know that you will simply never talk to that person again in this lifetime. Make sure to appreciate the other people in your life that are important to you. They will help you adapt to the loss.
 
EL CORINTHIAN said:
This isn't what you asked for but I think it's still something you can think about.

Without getting into specifics my family is rather fragmented. I've personally never seen a family so disconnected from one another as much as my own sadly enough. Like your brother, my grandfather was my best friend. We were inseparable at one point, my father left us and he picked up the slack from there. I'm currently his care giver, and I've watched him slowly degrade and not be able to control his own body, the frustrations from it have severely impacted our relationship because I have to make decisions for him on a daily basis that he may or may not agree with or even because it insults his dignity as he hands the keys over to what is essentially his life.

He took care of me when I was younger and like everyone else we had our rebellious streaks and always thought our parents were on our backs unrightfully when in reality they were doing it out of love. Well it seems the tables have turned and now I'm that annoying parent who can do no right.

At this point he's always disgruntled, always being short and is always in pain. In a way I don't blame the guy and I can't fix it either. My best Freind basically doesn't like me anymore and I have no say in the matter. When he eventually passes, he will do so with an unsavoury feeling towards me and I can already see it happening.

What I'm trying to say is that life isn't fair and longevity isn't always beautiful. I'm sorry to hear about your brother but it seems like you guys had a great relationship, I did too with my grandpa and although he's currently alive, he's been dead for years

Remember the good times.
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Wow that’s powerful stuff. Is it dimentia? I lost my grandmother that way and it’s such a cruel undignified way to die.
 
I don't have any words of wisdom or words to tell you it will get better. I can only say I'm sorry for your loss.
 
Sorry for your lost, man; horrible thing to have to deal with.

If you dont mind if you ever find out what caused it, let us know -- it is a good testament as to why young people still have to get regular check ups. Too often, young males (20-35) often feel they do not need medical checks, but health issues can hit anyone.
 
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Hey man, the man who raised me died three years ago, on this day. We had no chance of even saying goodbye, he died in hospital after surgery. Was ready to go home when he felt weak and collapsed. I know it hurts, but he would want you to be happy, so keep going, the pain will go away.
 
Really sorry Sherbro, but that kinda scares the hell out of me.

So young, condolences.
 
I'm very sorry for your loss even if a strangers words probably don't mean much..

It will hurt forever.. managable, absolutely, but still painful.. you'll remember the good times and feel sad you won't see them again..

thing is.. atleast you had created those good memories together.. for what it's worth..
 
It never 100% goes away but it gets better. My dad died of cancer in 2010 and for years I couldn't think about it without tearing up. Now all I remember are the good times and the funny stories.

It takes time.
 
MC OverPressure said:
All I can tell you is the pain is sharp now but the sharpness will fade.
My father is currently dying of cancer so I'm facing that same as yourself.
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Langstarr said:
The man who was my best friend my entire life is gone just like that. One minute making me laugh, one minute gone and making me cry. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. Still don’t know the cause, but it was 3 days before Xmas and my world has been altered forever. It feels like I’ve had a limb amputated. I don’t want to live in a world without him. He was so important to me. We didn’t even have a whole lot in common. We were just bonded, welded together by love. He left me a few days after I told him my wife and I are having twins, one of which he would’ve been The Godfather of no doubt. To make things worse, this happened in the middle of my mom dying of pancreatic cancer. I’m going to have to go through this all over again in a few months.

I’m not asking for sympathy, prayers, and I certainly don’t want worthless likes. Besides this being very cathartic to write it down, I am asking anyone out there who’s lost their sibling at a young age to reach out to me and tell a bit about their experience. I want to know what it’s been like for others that have been through this. My heart is broken, my mind is scattered. My life feels meaningless, but I am not hopeless at all. Besides the twins, I have an amazing wife and my father is with me regularly. I know I’ll be ok eventually, but right now, it hurts so fucking bad.

Please help anyone who’s been through this.
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Oh boy I just turned 36 last December

Man I am sorry sometimes life do really beat us down with pain like this. I don't know really what to say.
I guess if I am in this situation I might call up my long "lost" relatives and some friends and tell them I am not okay.

Just today I found out that my Friend from HighSchool has his sister missing for over a year now and its only now that they made it public.
 
Sorry to hear man. Lost my father 15 years ago, worst day of my life. I dred the day I lose my older brother. He was my hero growing up, my best man and best friend. Time will make it exponentially easier so hang in there.
 
the is really awful my best uncle died of colon cancer and other cancers that resulted from that. the crazy thing was that he was in fitness and health since the 80's which sort of messed me up mentally because not even eating healthy will prevent cancer.
 
Langstarr said:
The man who was my best friend my entire life is gone just like that. One minute making me laugh, one minute gone and making me cry. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. Still don’t know the cause, but it was 3 days before Xmas and my world has been altered forever. It feels like I’ve had a limb amputated. I don’t want to live in a world without him. He was so important to me. We didn’t even have a whole lot in common. We were just bonded, welded together by love. He left me a few days after I told him my wife and I are having twins, one of which he would’ve been The Godfather of no doubt. To make things worse, this happened in the middle of my mom dying of pancreatic cancer. I’m going to have to go through this all over again in a few months.

I’m not asking for sympathy, prayers, and I certainly don’t want worthless likes. Besides this being very cathartic to write it down, I am asking anyone out there who’s lost their sibling at a young age to reach out to me and tell a bit about their experience. I want to know what it’s been like for others that have been through this. My heart is broken, my mind is scattered. My life feels meaningless, but I am not hopeless at all. Besides the twins, I have an amazing wife and my father is with me regularly. I know I’ll be ok eventually, but right now, it hurts so fucking bad.

Please help anyone who’s been through this.
Click to expand...

Hey man, first off, my condolences to you on your loss.

I lost my big bro 2 years ago in August, and it still hurts. Same kind of thing in how sudden it was. 2 weeks after his birthday, and he was my roommate. I told him I loved him before I went to work, and he was gone by the time I got home. He was one of the few people who actually got me as a person, so losing him was like my world came to an end.

I can't tell you that it gets better, because i'm not even healed yet. But I can tell you that whatever you do to cope is whatever you need to do. They told me not to cry, to be a man, but I gotta tell ya I bawled my fucking eyes out. I went and laid in his room and just cried until my eyes hurt. I saved all his text messages, all the pictures, anything from him and put it all in safe storage. Sometimes, I open that box and I cry my eyes out again. It's gonna be like that, but whatever you need to do to grieve isn't shameful.

The only thing that keeps me going these days is his daughter, my niece. All I can do is be there for her and make sure she knows exactly who her daddy was. I still miss him so much that it hurts, but it's the least I can do to do right by his memory. Beyond that, it's just a raw wound.

Whatever you need to do to cope man, do it. I still haven't gone back to his grave because I know i'll break down, that's kinda how i'm going about it right now. You'll probablly find something better, but healing is your priority above anything else.
 
I know you didn’t ask for a prayer, but I still sent you one. Plus, I have a hard time following directions.
 
Really sorry to hear that, man. My sincere condolences. I lost my dad 2 years ago, so I somewhat know what you’re going through, but your brother is supposed to be in your life for far longer than your parents. I hope you can find a way to be at peace and honor his memory as best you can.
 
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