My brother is dead at 36.

[zapataxiv]

I am sorry both me and my wife lost our fathers to cancer. So we both know what is like to deal with the pain of losing a close family member. It still hurts but it is much less so than when it was fresh.
I would say stay away from using too much. While my father was dying and after I hit the bottle so hard it definetley did not help.

 

[koolinkunming]

My wife’s oldest brother passed away in an accident at work just before Christmas as well. I’d never seen her so sad. I’ve just tried to be there for her the best I can.

 

[HwoarangStyle]

Im sorry man, that sounds horrible. Hope you and your family make it through this.

 

[colby25]

The man who was my best friend my entire life is gone just like that. One minute making me laugh, one minute gone and making me cry. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. Still don’t know the cause, but it was 3 days before Xmas and my world has been altered forever. It feels like I’ve had a limb amputated. I don’t want to live in a world without him. He was so important to me. We didn’t even have a whole lot in common. We were just bonded, welded together by love. He left me a few days after I told him my wife and I are having twins, one of which he would’ve been The Godfather of no doubt. To make things worse, this happened in the middle of my mom dying of pancreatic cancer. I’m going to have to go through this all over again in a few months.

I’m not asking for sympathy, prayers, and I certainly don’t want worthless likes. Besides this being very cathartic to write it down, I am asking anyone out there who’s lost their sibling at a young age to reach out to me and tell a bit about their experience. I want to know what it’s been like for others that have been through this. My heart is broken, my mind is scattered. My life feels meaningless, but I am not hopeless at all. Besides the twins, I have an amazing wife and my father is with me regularly. I know I’ll be ok eventually, but right now, it hurts so fucking bad.

Please help anyone who’s been through this.

Sorry for your loss. my condolences.

 

[EL CORINTHIAN]

This isn't what you asked for but I think it's still something you can think about.

Without getting into specifics my family is rather fragmented. I've personally never seen a family so disconnected from one another as much as my own sadly enough. Like your brother, my grandfather was my best friend. We were inseparable at one point, my father left us and he picked up the slack from there. I'm currently his care giver, and I've watched him slowly degrade and not be able to control his own body, the frustrations from it have severely impacted our relationship because I have to make decisions for him on a daily basis that he may or may not agree with or even because it insults his dignity as he hands the keys over to what is essentially his life.

He took care of me when I was younger and like everyone else we had our rebellious streaks and always thought our parents were on our backs unrightfully when in reality they were doing it out of love. Well it seems the tables have turned and now I'm that annoying parent who can do no right.

At this point he's always disgruntled, always being short and is always in pain. In a way I don't blame the guy and I can't fix it either. My best Freind basically doesn't like me anymore and I have no say in the matter. When he eventually passes, he will do so with an unsavoury feeling towards me and I can already see it happening.

What I'm trying to say is that life isn't fair and longevity isn't always beautiful. I'm sorry to hear about your brother but it seems like you guys had a great relationship, I did too with my grandpa and although he's currently alive, he's been dead for years

Remember the good times.

 

[I Am Legion]

Lost both of my folks a few months ago. I deal the manly way, I bury it deep and try not to think about it, and when I do I drink.

Reason I do that is because I lost my High School Girlfriend right after we graduated, and I was hurt for a long time. She was a perfect girl. Funny, smart, drop dead gorgeous. Picture Amanda Crew with better teeth. Everyone loved her and she chose me....she asked me out first by saying “I may regret this because we are too young to fall in love, but every time I’m near you I feel like I already am....wanna go see Batman?”. We were soul mates. Had none of the issues young relationships have.
One night we are all going down to the beach, 3 car loads for a bonfire. Her Dad loaned me his convertible Porsche. I loved this guy. As we were down there having an amazing time, it began to rain. We couldn’t get the Porsche top to latch, so my girlfriend jumped in with another car, and my buddy rode with me holding the top closed with his hands on clamp. The other car crashed and my GF was killed. The grieving went like this:
1.shock/numb
2. Heartbreak, crying
3.Depression
4. Acceptance, but pain changed who you are.

I kept in touch with her family, And eventually had a family if my own. I’m a happy guy with a great life, but that pain will never totally be gone. It’s in my chest, I still feel it when I let it in. Good luck brother, keep his memories alive by remembering the good stuff.

 

[axstar713]

My condolences to you and your family. My little brother passed-away ten years ago this past December - he was 22 and died of an overdose. My dad and sister still aren't the same, time has made things a little easier but my dad never really speaks of my brother as it is too hard for him. I'm the oldest and my brother was 14 years younger than me, still blows my mind that with all of the shit I've been through and put my body through that I'm still here and he's gone.

 

[faustian]

The man who was my best friend my entire life is gone just like that. One minute making me laugh, one minute gone and making me cry. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. Still don’t know the cause, but it was 3 days before Xmas and my world has been altered forever. It feels like I’ve had a limb amputated. I don’t want to live in a world without him. He was so important to me. We didn’t even have a whole lot in common. We were just bonded, welded together by love. He left me a few days after I told him my wife and I are having twins, one of which he would’ve been The Godfather of no doubt. To make things worse, this happened in the middle of my mom dying of pancreatic cancer. I’m going to have to go through this all over again in a few months.

I’m not asking for sympathy, prayers, and I certainly don’t want worthless likes. Besides this being very cathartic to write it down, I am asking anyone out there who’s lost their sibling at a young age to reach out to me and tell a bit about their experience. I want to know what it’s been like for others that have been through this. My heart is broken, my mind is scattered. My life feels meaningless, but I am not hopeless at all. Besides the twins, I have an amazing wife and my father is with me regularly. I know I’ll be ok eventually, but right now, it hurts so fucking bad.

Please help anyone who’s been through this.

Very sorry to hear that man

Dr Viktor Frankl was a Holocaust survivor who made it through Auschwitz. His wife, brother and parents all died in the camps. One of his quotes that has helped me in my life is "In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering the moment it finds a meaning"

Here's the quote in full context from an excerpt of Man's Search For Meaning:

THE MEANING OF SUFFERING

We must never forget that we may also find meaning
in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation,
when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what
then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human
potential at its best, which is to transform a personal
tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's predicament into
a human achievement. When we are no longer able to
change a situation - just think of an incurable disease
such as inoperable cancer - we are challenged to
change ourselves.

Let me cite a clear-cut example: Once, an elderly
general practitioner consulted me because of his se-
vere depression. He could not overcome the loss of his
wife who had died two years before and whom he had
loved above all else. Now, how could I help him?
What should I tell him? Well, I refrained from telling
him anything but instead confronted him with the
question, "What would have happened, Doctor, if you
had died first, and your wife would have had to survive
you?" "Oh," he said, "for her this would have been
terrible; how she would have suffered!" Whereupon I
replied, "You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been
spared her, and it was you who have spared her this
suffering - to be sure, at the price that now you have to
survive and mourn her." He said no word but shook
my hand and calmly left my office. In some way,
suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a
meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.

https://archive.org/stream/MansSearchForMeaningViktorE.Frankel/Man's+Search+For+Meaning+-+Viktor+E.+Frankel_djvu.txt​

Perhaps you can think of it this way: if you were to have died instead of him, he'd be enduring the suffering you're now experiencing. But instead, you are bearing this suffering so that your brother will never have to

 

[IGotAHugePeckah]

Very sorry for your loss, and that goes for everyone else who posted their stories here as well.

What can you say? Life's not fair, it doesn't play by the rules. Everything is temporary.

 

[Cherry Brigand]

Very very sorry. I see how close my children are with each other and can sympathize sincerely.

 

[sweetviolenturg]

The man who was my best friend my entire life is gone just like that. One minute making me laugh, one minute gone and making me cry. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. Still don’t know the cause, but it was 3 days before Xmas and my world has been altered forever. It feels like I’ve had a limb amputated. I don’t want to live in a world without him. He was so important to me. We didn’t even have a whole lot in common. We were just bonded, welded together by love. He left me a few days after I told him my wife and I are having twins, one of which he would’ve been The Godfather of no doubt. To make things worse, this happened in the middle of my mom dying of pancreatic cancer. I’m going to have to go through this all over again in a few months.

I’m not asking for sympathy, prayers, and I certainly don’t want worthless likes. Besides this being very cathartic to write it down, I am asking anyone out there who’s lost their sibling at a young age to reach out to me and tell a bit about their experience. I want to know what it’s been like for others that have been through this. My heart is broken, my mind is scattered. My life feels meaningless, but I am not hopeless at all. Besides the twins, I have an amazing wife and my father is with me regularly. I know I’ll be ok eventually, but right now, it hurts so fucking bad.

Please help anyone who’s been through this.

I'm so sorry for your loss, man.
I lost my sister, Tina a couple of years ago to a sudden coronary event brought on by COPD & I still feel the shock of her passing. The inability to be able to reach out to her is still surprising to me. All I say is that the pain diminishes with time.
Peace, bro.

 

[MedicineDog]

Good God, I am heartbroken for you. I have been the primary caregiver for two people dying of cancer and my father died suddenly and tragically when I was a teenager. Brutal.

As you probably have seen, your going to go into what I call "auto pilot." You become numb and a zombie and just go through the motions of life. I guess its a defense mechanism/shock.

Tell your mom you love her. I know you said you don't want prayers, but you're getting some anyway. God bless.

PS: Highwayman is my jam.

 

[Rygu]

My condolences Sherbro. Hopefully you can get through this. As an only child I could never truly relate but I'm sure it's something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Stay strong.

 

[Simple Southerner]

Rip. l feel you're pain i also lost a brother

 

[Jack Reacheround]

A few years ago, my best friend since pre school died. He was like a brother to me. And so is his brother. We grew up together. I had kind of lost touch with him in the previous years. But both he and I still loved hanging out with each other on the odd occasion. I know it was really hard on his brother for a while. But he is doing a lot better now. Time heals all wounds.

 

[Omegaboy13]

36!? Man that’s young. Sorry you’re hurting friend. A lot of peeps on here dick around a lot, but I’ve noticed the real person behind the avatar come out when another member is in a bad spot.

 

[TeTe]

I'm sorry for your loss TS.

As I get older, every time I hear about people passing away at a young age, it really makes me appreciate every day I'm still above ground.

 

[yamahacrasher]

I'm sorry for your loss man. I lost my little sister to suicide 9 years ago and my family is still dealing with the fallout. My mum has never been the same. It gets easier with time but the pain of losing a sibling never leaves. The hardest part for me to deal with is the fact that she never got to know my children, and they never got to know their aunt. That being said, having my first child not too long after her death definitely helped and brought happiness back into my family's lives. I hope you find the same solace in the birth of your twins. And let them know what an amazing man he was, and what he meant to you. Even though they will never know him they will love him because you do, and that will help keep his memory alive. RIP.

 

[luv24nic8]

Sorry for your loss-

 

[Peteyandjia]

Death is a bomb. Grief is the shockwave. So the closer you were to the impact (person), the more you feel it. In the case of someone you love, you were right there next to it. The effects are thus felt much stronger, & may last longer, but at the end of the day: the bomb did not hit you. Even if it feels like it sometimes. Only the shockwave. You are alive, and we the living must carry on, for ourselves & also in loving memory of our dead.

That doesn’t mean bottle it up and ‘move on’ or anything like that. In fact, closer to the opposite: Feel it, and give yourself time to feel it. Be patient, be compassionate, with yourself, & with others. Don’t judge yourself or others too harshly for a while if things get crazy; it’s inevitable at times like these, & it’s ok. And, it shall pass.

Two things jump out at me immediately, upon reading your specific story:

1. Between the wife whom you describe as amazing, and two twins on the way, it sounds like you have a great support system, as well as plenty to live for. Those are both incredible blessings, to be in love and to be a father; so hold them dear, and do not take them for granted as you go through this aftermath of tragedy. As you know, many who go through the suffering process of grieving are alone, they do not have those things in their life to back them up, or to live for. Your wife, your kids, they are the garden that grows, long after this storm of grief has passed. Keeping that perspective will help you as you go through your own grieving.

2. Your father sounds like another great thing, so lean on him for support as well; but also, make sure that particular street goes both ways: Be there for your father. (Assuming he is also your brother’s father.) There is perhaps no greater tragedy a person can suffer than to bury a son or daughter. Same for your brother’s other loved ones, be there for them in this time. Not only will you help them, but I have found that a great reliever of one’s own grief, is to help others survive & get through theirs. We’re all in this together after all.

RIP to your brother. And deepest condolence from me to you in this hard time.