Relationship Married bros: What's in a name?

[method115]

I sure as hell think it would be.
You sort of got to be a narcissistic dude to get a really high level of satisfaction out of your kids accomplishments like that.

I think that plays a role in a lot of guys having kids. They view their children's accomplishments as their own accomplishments. It's like their kids are an outlet for them to accomplish some of the things in life that they couldn't or no longer can do. More often than not, when dudes are in ecstasy over their kids accomplishments, it's not really because they're happy for their kid. They're ecstatic because they feel like THEY have accomplished something. This is why a lot of parents will become ecstatic about their kids graduating college or getting a huge promotion, but rarely if ever take the time to sit down and ask their kids if they're happy.

The older I get the more I realize that most people that have kids or people that should have never had them.

I love my kids and I'm glad I had them. With that said I would take a vacation over watching then do small things like playing baseball or something like that. I just really enjoy traveling and seeing the world though so that might add to it.

That doesn't mean I don't get excited watching him do other things. I've been letting him play video games lately and I saw him do something in the game I didn't realize he figured out how to do it and it put a smile on my face. That's the great thing is you don't have to pick and choose which is better you can have both.

 

[WandySaku2]

I sure as hell think it would be.
You sort of got to be a narcissistic dude to get a really high level of satisfaction out of your kids accomplishments like that.
.

Maybe you misunderstood the mindset behind my question, but it's bizarre that you came to this conclusion.

How is it narcissistic to want to be for someone you love in their biggest moment? Maybe it's the word 'satisfying' that's the issue. I guess I'm thinking more along the lines of which of those two scenarios would elevate my overall level of good feeling the most.

 

[Andy Capp]

The income thing is related. More modern women are likely to be higher earners, too.

Please note, I said, "...doesn't enter into it for me...."

You and everyone else are welcome to do you but it's irrelevant to me as it pertains to this topic in as much as it isn't a deciding factor for me personally. It makes zero difference to my feelings on this matter.

 

[Phlog]

I sure as hell think it would be.
You sort of got to be a narcissistic dude to get a really high level of satisfaction out of your kids accomplishments like that.

I think that plays a role in a lot of guys having kids. They view their children's accomplishments as their own accomplishments. It's like their kids are an outlet for them to accomplish some of the things in life that they couldn't or no longer can do. More often than not, when dudes are in ecstasy over their kids accomplishments, it's not really because they're happy for their kid. They're ecstatic because they feel like THEY have accomplished something. This is why a lot of parents will become ecstatic about their kids graduating college or getting a huge promotion, but rarely if ever take the time to sit down and ask their kids if they're happy.

The older I get the more I realize that most people that have kids or people that should have never had them.

Lol, sorry to be blunt man but you don't realise anything about the normal well adjusted human condition.

The pleasure of one's kids accomplishments is the least selfish experience of your life, because you actually unreservedly enjoy it for them not you. This is because they share your genetic code, their success is a win without you getting anything. You don't have to identify with it, you don't have to gain social standing from it, nothing. It's just a pure gift. It's the first time in your life that you actually know what it's like for it not to be about yourself, you're not putting yourself into the other person, imagining what it would be like for you, etc etc.

You're really outing yourself as really fucked up here. You're calling people narcissistic because that's what you see, in yourself when you put yourself in these situations. You'd be the parent reliving their own sporting successes through their child, you'd be the one shouting obscenities at the refs.

This explains your relationships, your partner's and friends.

 

[horc00]

My wife keeps her name. She's her father's daughter, not mine, she can keep her father's name. And our kids take my name.

When my daughters marry and they want to change their surnames I wouldn't stop them. But the fact is I'd be happier if they didn't.

 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I have 2 friends who let their wives keep their surname, but the kids took the guys last name. In both cases the wives had established careers where changing the last name would be a lot of headache and expenditure. Made sense.

The only time id even consider changing my last name to the womans is if mine was an absolutely absurd last name like Dick or Kunt for example.

 

[moreorless87]

A significant difference I'd imagine is we have more only children today so its more likely a woman might be the end of her family surname so going double barrel instead is a way of preserving it.

 

[Phlog]

A significant difference I'd imagine is we have more only children today so its more likely a woman might be the end of her family surname so going double barrel instead is a way of preserving it.

Double barrel creates loads of problems and it doesn't solve the problem you identify past one generation.

 

[moreorless87]

Double barrel creates loads of problems and it doesn't solve the problem you identify past one generation.

Although often its that one generation which counts as its the womens parents/grand parents who potentially care more about it.

 

[PBAC]

depends who has the cooler name for me

 

[Fugazy]

At the time when many women were stay at home mothers or worked jobs where their name wasn't part of their identity, taking the husband's name made finances easier. Many woman now have professions that were built on a name and a license that was earned under that name so many keep that name.

Another reason could be the high probability of divorce and the importance of a credit score for everything in life from renting an apartment to getting a job is easier with a consistent name. It might even be a problem trying to vote after changing a name.

I'm not sure where all you guys are from with this "it's so difficult to deal with a name change" bullshit.

It's literally never been easier.

Forget marriages, trannies do it all the time. And that seems to be going great for them.

 

[Fugazy]

I'll be the first to say it. Seriously, fuck kids. The survival of the human race does not depend on dudes blowing it up in chicks anymore. We have the ability to reproduce without that, and if we destroy ourselves, some fat redneck or 3rd world caveman shitting out a bunch of kids isn't going to change anything.

The older I get, the more I notice what a waste of time raising a family is. The vast majority of people I know that have kids are just absolutely miserable, and half the time, they don't even have a relationship with said kids after they leave the nest. It's like they wasted the better part of their lives for nothing. One of my best friends is going through this. Both of his daughters are lesbians, and don't communicate with him because of his politics. Dude couldn't have been a better dad, and he's not even against anything regarding his daughter's sexuality. They just hate him on principal.

He's having a lot of regrets lately.
Yeah, fuck all that.....

That's sad, and pathetic for that dude.

There are a lot of people who actually really like their families though. Don't know if you knew that.

 

[Threetrees]

Yeah I felt the same as you OP
Luckily my wife felt like she wanted us all to share the same name as a new family unit so

 

[Henry Swanson]

My wife kept her last name. I never really gave it much thought and don’t care tbh. My kids have my name though.

 

[BlankaPresident]

I'm not sure where all you guys are from with this "it's so difficult to deal with a name change" bullshit.

It's literally never been easier.

Forget marriages, trannies do it all the time. And that seems to be going great for them.

I can't say for every country, but while change your name is easy, dealing with everything that comes after it is not so simple. Passports, visas, certificates, estate etc.

My sister had huge problems with it when she moved to the US after marrying and changing her name.

 

[Hatorade]

Lol, sorry to be blunt man but you don't realise anything about the normal well adjusted human condition.

The pleasure of one's kids accomplishments is the least selfish experience of your life, because you actually unreservedly enjoy it for them not you. This is because they share your genetic code, their success is a win without you getting anything. You don't have to identify with it, you don't have to gain social standing from it, nothing. It's just a pure gift. It's the first time in your life that you actually know what it's like for it not to be about yourself, you're not putting yourself into the other person, imagining what it would be like for you, etc etc.

You're really outing yourself as really fucked up here. You're calling people narcissistic because that's what you see, in yourself when you put yourself in these situations. You'd be the parent reliving their own sporting successes through their child, you'd be the one shouting obscenities at the refs.

This explains your relationships, your partner's and friends.

Most dudes are shitty fathers

Are you really going to deny this?
Sounds like maybe you're a good parent or at least think you are but start paying attention to other people's relationships to both their kids and patents. It's scary.