Kids say the darndest things...The Apple and the Banana Story

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I have a nephew whose name is Kellan. Here is his Apple and Banana Story...

Kellan was in my theater watching a movie on the big screen last night. Grandma asked him if he was hungry. He said yes, can I have an apple and a banana please? She brought it in and left. He was eating during the movie. When she came to see how he was doing he complained his front teeth hurt.

I asked Grandma if he still has his baby teeth. She said yes. So, I started to explain to Kellan that he has baby teeth and as he gets older they will fall out and be replaced by adult teeth like Uncle Tony and M&D have. His eyes grew wide and I assured him it is perfectly normal and will happen to every kid.

So, he went on to explain to Grandma and I that in the morning he was eating a bagel and he bit himself. Grandma said that must be it because mommy just took him to the dentist and he didn't have any cavities. So, I asked Grandma if he can have a baby aspirin or some Orajel. She didn't have Orajel, so I said how about some Drambuie to rub on his gums to numb the pain like in the old days. Grandma left and said she would tell mommy tomorrow morning.

Kellan continued eating and suddenly said, "Uncle Tony the apple didn't go all the way down." I told him to drink some water and after I saw he was able to swallow, I told him to take a couple of deep breaths and he did. So, once I was satisfied both pipes were clear, I started explaining if that ever happens to drink something right away and then take a deep breath or two and if he can't swallow and breath to get someone's attention so they can see he is choking and help him right away.

I said don't worry now though, you are okay...it just went down the wrong pipe. Kellan replied "Yeah Uncle Tony, I think the apple went down the banana pipe!!!"

HAhahahahahaha!!!

Please share your "Kids say the darndest things" stories...
 
The other day I couldn't remember the lyrics to my 5 yo's favorite song and he told me that I had failed him for the last time.
 
D Train said:
The other day I couldn't remember the lyrics to my 5 yo's favorite song and he told me that I had failed him for the last time.
Click to expand...

This is infinitely better than what OP posted.

This thread is now about your 5 year old.
 
bandicoot said:
This is infinitely better than what OP posted.

This thread is now about your 5 year old.
Click to expand...

It was a great share by Tony but I am inclined to agree.

Also:
"We're not going to fall for any banana in the tailpipe."
 
Nothing particulary great, my my son (will be 2 next months) seeks to combine the words "truck" and "car" and basically says **** (c.a.w.k) half the time. Next.
 
bandicoot said:
This is infinitely better than what OP posted.

This thread is now about your 5 year old.
Click to expand...

The other day he's eating breakfast and I say, "Hey buddy, I need you to finish your breakfast."
He responds, "I need you not to worry about it."
I stop what I'm doing and just look at him.
He says, "I meant, I love you."
 
D Train said:
The other day I couldn't remember the lyrics to my 5 yo's favorite song and he told me that I had failed him for the last time.
Click to expand...

I hate to break it to you bro but I think Seth MacFarlane's writing material for your kid
 
I was making play-dough shapes with this little three-year-old girl who was kind of like a blonde Tazmanian Devil and was constantly astonishing me.

The girl's grandmother was in the hospital getting her hip operated on and I guess they explained it to the little girl that Grandma cracked her hip, kind of like when you crack an egg.

I had no idea about anything they told the little girl, though, so I cannot possibly overstate my apoplectic fit of shrieking hysterical laughter when she waved a giant wad of play-dough in her little fist and yelled, "I'm gonna fill Grandma's crack!"
 
D Train said:
The other day he's eating breakfast and I say, "Hey buddy, I need you to finish your breakfast."
He responds, "I need you not to worry about it."
I stop what I'm doing and just look at him.
He says, "I meant, I love you."
Click to expand...

Lol your child is amazing
 
when i first got divorced, my boys were very young - 2 & 4. i was working second shift at a factory, and their mother worked first shift for a pharmacy supply company. we had shared parenting, and i had the kids the am and afternoon before i'd drop them off at the sitter for the time between shifts.

i was listening to a lot of marilyn manson at the time, and similar bands. mechanical animals was on heavy rotation, especially in the car. anyway, there was this one time we drove into town to grab some groceries. it was the middle of the week around lunch time. not many people in the store except stay at home moms and old ladies.

i am finishing up my shopping, and my boys are following behind down the aisle when i hear my youngest start singing.

"i don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me...i don't like the drugs, the drugs, the druuuuhhhhuuuggggsss...."

and of course, there were no shortage of the aforementioned moms and grannies in the aisle with us.

the looks we got were priceless. if i live to be 100, i will never forget that day.

that is a true story.
 
what the kid said was funny :D though a little too much unneeded detail
 
bandicoot said:
Lol your child is amazing
Click to expand...

He was pretty disappointed that the "Super Hero Football Bowl" was not a game played between superheroes. I think we can all agree that would, in fact, be better. Then he liked Big Hero 6 so much and couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him watch Big Hero 1-5.
 
My nephew at 5 years old watched my dad light up a smoke and very straight faced told him "you're gonna die."
 
When my daughter was 5 she told me that God didn't make sense, and then drew a picture of infinite regress to explain why.
 
My daughter randomly starts yelling "uptown funk you up" in public though it sounds like "uptown fuck you up". Thanks a lot whoever sings that song.
 
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