Specifically, I talked to my kids. I haven't seen them in a long time. I have a shitty eye and hurts, it's still an eye in there. I gave piss and blood and then there was the phone call. Ya know I woke up in the hospital and they were gonna amputate my leg and my arm, you can't amputate a heart but they were thinking about they smeared my mouth with guacamole and shoved a bathescab down to see me heart. I gotta give that one to the anesthet...the guy who amputates your give a shit 5432... My uncle served in Vietnam, I hadn't seen him in a lot of years, probably wasn't gonna see him again. I was in the hospital for two months, I said can I have the room behind me, a couple days later someone died. So a couple years earlier my mom died in this room. I have fuck you sense of humor, but just kinda thought with the amount they're plucking at me why not be close, She had cancer and she was tough, they rebuilt her spine so she could handle chemo, she handed me that x-ray of what they did and I went in the bathroom and threw up and almost broke my wrist in that fucking mirror, why do you have a mirror in a hospital bathroom.
My uncle was at my bedside ever day I woke up. The third eye surgery he asked the doctor if they were gonna take it out, they walked outside, I'm right here fuckers. The nurse and the radio kicks in I see a bad moon rising. God, you have a sick sense of humor, ya fuck, couldn't brett michaels with his shitty thorn. The only time I saw my uncle cry, what a fucking shitty thing to see. I have some regrets, looking to the right, I would take that back. That should've been in another room. Some folks weren't taking care of my dog, he scooped her up.
Two big burly fucks came in I thought they were gonna take me to the incinerator yeah, ...that ain't spelled right, they handed me a note, the nurses said take care of Tom he's the toughest guy in the hospital. That made me lose it a bit, the nurses were beautiful, except for Craig, I couldn't eat pudding after ...I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. They were gonna amputate my leg that day. I guy came in who does that thing where you rub a pregnant woman, an ultra sound?? I don't know what it was but the did it to my left leg and markered it and I did lose is then I fought for that fucker, it flailed in the night ever time I tried to close my eyes it folded up and I screamed like an animal, every time I relaxed my leg folded and I lost my fucking mind.
A good buddy came to see me and Craig said, yeah,you probably shouldn't be here. I was good with everything, but the leg, I've had surgeries, I can grit shit, that was animal pain every time for four or five weeks even with muscle relaxers, I wasn't tough at all. I know a man has their limits and existentially, they're gonna chop off my leg, my eye's fucked, I'm screaming like a woman, this is my time. Don't let go like a dog. I'm ready. I've had a mediocre life, you gotta be creative if you want to off It. I used to be an administrator here, I hoarded my pills for five or six days and that wouldn't do it, but I was hoping it would fog me a little bit. I navigated like amottherfucker to the showers, and the night guys didn't see me crawling, I took a picture of myself, because in the end, crawling on the floor to your death, ahahaha, thaaat's fucking funny. I always knew I'd be good going out, I was hoping saving some kids from something, but my bella me. You can drown in water, I never learned to swim or ride a motorcycle, because I would die in those ways. Alcohol. the ignominy, they caught me. They did ride me to the morgue, they called it the green mile under the hospital I faded and everybody lost their mind. fuckers. A lot of people put a lot of time on me, and these two young motherfucker who xrayed my leg a guy and a girl, kept pressing my leg down and I can't don't do that to me and then howl like a lunatic, you have a job, but look in my eyes, they're gonna take it off. Perspective was sharp, I would have killed both of them, I was meat. If I had one ounce of energy, to put them at my shot, to see, to listen like a fucking human being. She crammed my knee like I was a farm animal.
Well, this took a turn. I've been here so long, when things get vaguely heavy, it's a place to go. Sorry about that.
