Is it hard to make new friends?

[fightingrabbit]

My situation is fairly similar - I'm 31, and while I have a group of friends I have known all my life, we see each other only a handful of times a year.

With that being said, I'm actually glad I don't have to go out every weekend, or that my plans aren't mapped out weeks in advance (where every Friday and Saturday, it was assumed we would all get together).

Sometimes a guy just wants to do laundry and bake on a Saturday night.

P.S: In my experience, the easiest way to make friends is at the gym. You are a group of like minded people showing up to the same place, at the same time (more or less). Alot of my friends over the years are people that I trained with.

P.S #2: It is so awkward when a new friendship develops as an adult. When a guy says "Bro, we should hit up the sushi place that just opened up", I don't know if they are asking me out on a date (flattered, but not gay), or just want to bro it up (which is only kind of gay)... either way, I'm down.

 

[Organic Damage]

My situation is fairly similar - I'm 31, and while I have a group of friends I have known all my life, we see each other only a handful of times a year.

With that being said, I'm actually glad I don't have to go out every weekend, or that my plans aren't mapped out weeks in advance (where every Friday and Saturday, it was assumed we would all get together).

Sometimes a guy just wants to do laundry and bake on a Saturday night.

P.S: In my experience, the easiest way to make friends is at the gym. You are a group of like minded people showing up to the same place, at the same time (more or less). Alot of my friends over the years are people that I trained with.

P.S #2: It is so awkward when a new friendship develops as an adult. When a guy says "Bro, we should hit up the sushi place that just opened up", I don't know if they are asking me out on a date (flattered, but not gay), or just want to bro it up (which is only kind of gay)... either way, I'm down.

I'm the same way. Besides hanging out with the old gang from school on birthdays, holidays or when they come back to town, I don't do a whole lot of maintenance on my friendships.

In fact I've been guilty of keeping relationships at the acquaintance level so I don't have to be bothered all the time, heh.

 

[RedRocket44]

30 now and still got my old friends (group of 5 or 6 of us) who I go away with once a year. But due to work, family, drifting apart, etc we only see each once every 3 months now. Don't really have that many work collegues as they all live quite a distance away and the gym I go to is pretty anti social.

When I was at uni or school always seemed easy to make new friends. Now I haven't got the foggiest how you make new friend's or meet new people outside of the workplace as a grown adult.

I'm lucky in that I have a girlfriend of 8 years who I count as my best friend but tired of weekends stuck in with just my girlfriend be nice to go the pub or a bar with some lads and have a laugh which I can't do with my old mates no more.

So yeah how hard is it to make new friends in adulthood and how?

For most people it doesn't get much easier. You're stuck seeing the same douchebags that you probably have nothing in common with at work for 8-12 hours a day, want to go home to a hot meal on the table, do butt-stuff with your girlfriend and go to bed. When you're in school you're meeting new people constantly, building a circle of friends, and generally spending a much larger portion of your time having fun than you are working.

Surely there has to be a sportsbar somewhere where you can go, grab a pint and look for someone to talk to? Maybe there's nobody alone, but a group of 2-3 dudes that's easier approachable than a huge gang. If not, take your girl to a pub with some pool tables, buy some drinks and grab a table -- maybe there's another couple there that you can challenge to a friendly game.

Outside of meeting people at bars it sort of comes down to your interests. You or your girlfriend like to cook? Find a cooking class and the two of you sign up. That sort of thing. Keep trying at your gym - it can be awkward to approach people because gyms in general I have found to be a place where people aren't necessarily looking to meet new people. People go alone or with a workout buddy, do their thing and go home. I work out with a friend, but the reality is I'm not an asshole (and neither are most people). If somebody came up to me and said "I'm looking for somebody to work out with" I wouldn't tell them to fuck off. I'd tell them what days/time I'm usually at the gym and welcome him to join us if he sees us around. If he didn't turn out to be a total weirdo we'd probably grab a beer/hang with outside the gym at some point. So while neither of us are necessarily approaching other people for the intention of making friends, if somebody came up to us we'd be cool about it. I'm lucky that I have a good friend who I work out with after work, and then we go to one of our places and make dinner. Borderline bro-gay, but both of us are single and we like getting high after working out and cooking.

The reality is though, that around the 25-30 age life slows down for nearly everybody. You and all your friends from college have probably scattered across the country or the world for work and you rarely see each other -- I'm in the same boat and also 30. Unless you're lucky enough to constantly travel or meet new people through work you've replaced the largest portion of your day (school - easy to meet people) with work (hard to meet people).

The thing is -- if you're afraid to approach somebody at your gym, or a group of people in a bar, the chances meeting somebody become pretty thin. If you want to meet a new beer-buddy / start a bro-mance you sorta need to throw yourself out there -- it's kinda like dating. What's the worst they say -- leave me alone you friendless weirdo?\

I met my workout friend through a mutual acquaintance. One night I was with the mutual acquaintance, and he got a phone call. Future workout-friend just bought his first house and was looking for some help to move. Bored, we agreed, and moved a bunch of shit with him. We got high and chilled for a bit, he thanked us, and said we should grab a beer sometime and gave me his number. A few weeks later I was bored, texted him and asked if he'd be interested in grabbing those beers. He said sure, and we've been best friends for 6 years now. I been on countless fishing trips with him, we've gone to Jamaica with other friends -- if we were gay we'd be a couple. At the time I thought it was gay/stupid to ask this guy I knew for maybe 2 hours out for beers, but if I didn't send that text I would have never gone on all those trips.

 

[WandySaku2]

I don't know where in the UK you are, but here's my suggestion based on how I made friends when I moved to NYC: Go to meetup.com, type in an interest you have, then join one of those groups and go to whatever they have going on. I made great friends and many great acquaintances in many different fields by joining a pick-up soccer group. Afterwards, we tend to go out and have drinks at one of the local bars nearby.

 

[mb23100]

My situation is fairly similar - I'm 31, and while I have a group of friends I have known all my life, we see each other only a handful of times a year.

With that being said, I'm actually glad I don't have to go out every weekend, or that my plans aren't mapped out weeks in advance (where every Friday and Saturday, it was assumed we would all get together).

Sometimes a guy just wants to do laundry and bake on a Saturday night.

P.S: In my experience, the easiest way to make friends is at the gym. You are a group of like minded people showing up to the same place, at the same time (more or less). Alot of my friends over the years are people that I trained with.

P.S #2: It is so awkward when a new friendship develops as an adult. When a guy says "Bro, we should hit up the sushi place that just opened up", I don't know if they are asking me out on a date (flattered, but not gay), or just want to bro it up (which is only kind of gay)... either way, I'm down.

#2 is so true hahaha

 

[indo80]

With marriage and kids its difficult to make new close friends. My closest friends are those that i grew up with and i just dont have the time to make new close relationships. There are some friends that come along but once they screw up or piss you off its easy to put them in a different box. Its easier to forgive the mistakes that guys you've grown up with make.

 

[Grrrr]

I have kids that play sports... Me and my wife have several good/close friends that we have met that way.

 

[Big Tuppy Hole]

Most of my friends I have known since my teens or early 30s and there the core group I go back to.



But when Im working it's different, I don't know if people know what FIFO work is,but basically I work construction in remote Australia where I fly in on a plane and work 28 days, and live on a camp site with 7000 other people then fly home for a week. So I do make friends from work and some real good 1s but basically when I leave I usually cut ties with these people and go my own way. 1 weird thing is I actually work on a site with 2 people I consider good mates back in the real world, but we don't catch up as regularly as we would in the real world ( back home)

 

[steve38]

Acquiring friends is very similar to acquiring your musical tastes. 90% of it seems to happen between 16-24. After that, you might find something / someone new and interesting, but for the most part, you are already set.

 

[Y2Khaos]

Sell weed, the friends will come to you!

To be serious I've got the same problem as you.