In a perfect world, there would be no dogs within city limits.

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Loiosh, Dec 26, 2016.

  1. Loiosh

    Loiosh Detective Platinum Member

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    Yes, I know dogs are awesome. I know you love them. I know I'm a terrible person. I know that most dogs are better than most people.

    I just don't think they should be in cities.

    [​IMG]

    I'm tired of living a world filled with dog poop. I live across the street from a wonderful park, it's huge and green and has trees, and I'd love to relax in the grass, but I can't. It's always full of dog poop. There's so much poop I don't like walking across the park, let alone sit where poop will almost certainly be. I remember playing football in the park, diving to catch a pass, and sliding my way through a steaming pile of poop, and there my day ended, with tears and screams.

    Spring in the country is beautiful as the snows recede, the leaves bud and unfurl in the gentle sunlight, and the birds sing their sweet songs. In the city, spring is a river of dog poop soup as the frozen poops of the winter months thaw and liquefy and turn the city brown.

    Too many people leave the poops where they drop. You had your chance to do it right, you blew it, take your dogs out of the city and fertilize the villages and hamlets instead. Or, if it's REALLY important to you, police the matter yourselves. If you own a dog, take your little plastic bags and tiny shovels and spend a few hours a day combing the city for poops. If you see someone walking away from their pile of puppy poop, scoop the poop and throw it at them. It's the least you can do.

    [​IMG]

    I really like dogs.

    But I really hate poop.

    AND IT'S EVERYWHERE.
     
  2. choke you

    choke you strangulation belt

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    Need a park ranger to hand out tickets to lazy owners that don't pick up their dogs shit.
     
  3. Loiosh

    Loiosh Detective Platinum Member

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    Fixed that for you.
     
  4. Renard

    Renard Black Belt

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    If you can't beat em...


    [​IMG]
     
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  5. 22k

    22k ベルセルク Yellow Card

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    my 7yr old niece told me last week that her little bro (my nephew) stepped in a hot steamer last week on their way to school & their dad flipped the fuck out, beating my nephew's shoe on the curb trying to get it out so they wouldn't be late. the way she kept giggling about how funny it was while telling me was so adorable.
     
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  6. choke you

    choke you strangulation belt

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    :eek:

    But I was thinking more like
    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Pliny Pete

    Pliny Pete Puts Butts In Seats

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    Everybody poops
     
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  8. DevilsLettuce

    DevilsLettuce is a bit of a douchebag Banned

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    I don't give a shit.
     
  9. 22k

    22k ベルセルク Yellow Card

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    I remember years ago a buddy of mine went to piss in a bush, & I hear him scream "fuck.. FUCK, no.... FUUUUUUUUUCKk".

    I see him inspecting his shoe with like pure horror & I ask him "dog shit?". he says " nah man not from a dog".

    I'm thinking wtf, & ask "how do you know?" & I felt his horror too & it shot me to stand up from the bench I was sitting on, & he replies while gagging, gasping for air " aughf, aughf...'cause I KNOW..."

    then he screams sort of like Darth Vader screaming 'NOOOOO", & yells out "IT'S HUUUUUUUUMMAAAAAAAAN". hahaha

    then few weeks later we saw a drunk guy in that same bench corner lifting his pants up from squatting down hahah
     
  10. Loiosh

    Loiosh Detective Platinum Member

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    A very long time ago I worked in a warehouse that received night shipments when staff wasn't present. We had a lock box and a caged off area where truckers could drop their shipments without having access to the rest of the building. We didn't have a toilet for them because it would have cost a hundred grand to install the plumbing that deep into the building, and one night one driver was so angry he took a dump in a bucket and left it in the middle of the warehouse.

    I didn't feel even a little guilty making the call that cost him his job.

    I really hate poop.
     
  11. phunky

    phunky Standing above all others Double Yellow Card

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    Why dont you try to stop shitting,TS? Or maybe you go outside of city
     
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  12. Big Tuppy Hole

    Big Tuppy Hole Gold Belt

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    Stepping in dog shit is a part of life, worse when you have no shoes on
     
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  13. Loiosh

    Loiosh Detective Platinum Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  14. Loiosh

    Loiosh Detective Platinum Member

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    The day I shit in the park or on a sidewalk and leave it there, you can exile me.
     
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  15. aldeniro78

    aldeniro78 Who cares Yellow Card

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    Walk around it, Barbara.
     
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  16. BoogerDawson

    BoogerDawson Red Belt

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    In a perfect world, there wouldn't be any loser dog owners who are too fucking lazy to pick up their dog's shit within city limits.
     
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  17. phunky

    phunky Standing above all others Double Yellow Card

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    Shitting is natural, you're just hater
     
  18. Loiosh

    Loiosh Detective Platinum Member

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    Huh?

    You started the comparison and I illustrated why it made no sense.

    You sound like one of those guys that leaves dog crap in the park.
     
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  19. Anung Un Rama

    Anung Un Rama Idol of Millions Platinum Member

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    Sounds like a REM b-side
     
  20. phunky

    phunky Standing above all others Double Yellow Card

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    Only retards pick their dog's shit bro what are you 12 or just hipster?
     

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