I'd walk out to heroine by the Velvet Underground. It's a 7+ minute song and I'd take my sweet time entering the cage. I'd high five everyone, and stop every once in a while to look serious and contemplative. The somberness of the song mixed with my serious walk-out would naturally lead people to believe that a long and illustrious MMA career was coming to an end. I'd lose in seconds and regretfully declare my retirement.
Six months later, I'd start talk about coming out of retirement, and I'd keep the talk going for five years. Then I would go on a Bob Sapp style retirement tour where I'd fall and tap out as quickly as I can in as many fights as I can.