I'm struggling with consistency and motivation...

[Symbolistic]

I don't know what my issue is but I just hate myself and my mindset, like I really hate it.
When I first started training I had this thing inside me, like a burning fire, just burning like crazy, I would train like 2 times a day, 5 days a week, I was going crazy, when I first started training MMA I was fit, I went to the gym alot before I started training MMA, I lifted weights, powerlifted, I was pretty fit.

That was back in 2015 - early 2016

By 2016 I had lost around 30lb's mostly muscle, I wasn't eating as much as I should have, I couldn't since I trained so much, I naturally lose weight easily, combine that with sports, my weight melts off easily if I am not careful, and I wasn't careful.
I started to lose my fire in 2016, I would go to training less and less, I got depressed, I felt like I had a b!tch mindset, like I was soft.

Then mid 2016 I had some family issues and had to stop, now in December 2016 I am back and training, I still haven't gained back that 30lb I lost, I am super out of shape now and weak, very weak, I am probably around the girls level in my gym now, its embarrassing and makes me disgusted with myself.

But the real issue is I lost my fire, its completely gone, ever since I got back I can't seem to build back to where I was when I first started, I can't seem to find that fire I had, to train 2 times a day, to lift weights, go just go crazy. I gas out after 2 class sessions in a row, by the time the 3rd class starts I am insanely tired and giving it my all to get through it.

Now I am going to training less and less, I haven't been to training since last week, haven't trained bjj since 2 weeks ago now, its horrible. I think I only went once last week and still haven't went this week, I don't know what is going on. I am working a new job, but that shouldn't be an excuse, I just can't seem to motivate myself to go everyday after work too.

Can someone please help me? Call me a b!tch, whatever, I don't care, just tell me what the hell is going on with me, why can't I find that fire anymore?
- I want to be able to wake up early and go to the weight lifting gym to bulk up and strengthen myself
- I want to be able to go to class everyday
- I want to be able to train 2x a day 5 days a week
- I want to be able to get that fire back, I need it back.

Just...I need some help here.

 

[zeli_papa]

I can sympathize with you here as I felt something similar not too long ago. It actually doesn't happen to me as much if it comes to my training as it does in regards to other areas of life (mostly business), when I get that drive and things are going my way I feel like I can literally do anything and I'll succeed but when the tables turn it's hard for me keep myself motivated and I hate that version of myself. What I can suggest is to choose something that you like the most whether it's a grappling, lifting or anything else and approach it with the fresh mind. Don't have any expectations if it comes to yourself and just focus on doing what you enjoy to do. Don't worry about the results or the fact that you got tapped by someone who you used to destroy, it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Remember that it really is a marathon, not a sprint.

 

[zeli_papa]

Also just wanted to add that maybe you're stressed out and that's why your training's not going well. Bjj really is my passion but there are periods that, although I still train fairly consistent, my head's not in the right place and my training is the last thing that concerns me.

 

[Uchi Mata]

Honest question, going from that much strength/muscle gain and energy to that much strength loss and no energy or motivation: where you taking steroids when you were lifting and training all the time?

 

[NateTx4112]

There is nothing more than needs to be said other than stop wanting and go do it. You say you want something but your actions are not driving you there. Let your actions speak and just go out there and work towards those goals.

 

[CFGroup]

I don't know what my issue is but I just hate myself and my mindset, like I really hate it.
When I first started training I had this thing inside me, like a burning fire, just burning like crazy, I would train like 2 times a day, 5 days a week, I was going crazy, when I first started training MMA I was fit, I went to the gym alot before I started training MMA, I lifted weights, powerlifted, I was pretty fit.

That was back in 2015 - early 2016

By 2016 I had lost around 30lb's mostly muscle, I wasn't eating as much as I should have, I couldn't since I trained so much, I naturally lose weight easily, combine that with sports, my weight melts off easily if I am not careful, and I wasn't careful.
I started to lose my fire in 2016, I would go to training less and less, I got depressed, I felt like I had a b!tch mindset, like I was soft.

Then mid 2016 I had some family issues and had to stop, now in December 2016 I am back and training, I still haven't gained back that 30lb I lost, I am super out of shape now and weak, very weak, I am probably around the girls level in my gym now, its embarrassing and makes me disgusted with myself.

But the real issue is I lost my fire, its completely gone, ever since I got back I can't seem to build back to where I was when I first started, I can't seem to find that fire I had, to train 2 times a day, to lift weights, go just go crazy. I gas out after 2 class sessions in a row, by the time the 3rd class starts I am insanely tired and giving it my all to get through it.

Now I am going to training less and less, I haven't been to training since last week, haven't trained bjj since 2 weeks ago now, its horrible. I think I only went once last week and still haven't went this week, I don't know what is going on. I am working a new job, but that shouldn't be an excuse, I just can't seem to motivate myself to go everyday after work too.

Can someone please help me? Call me a b!tch, whatever, I don't care, just tell me what the hell is going on with me, why can't I find that fire anymore?
- I want to be able to wake up early and go to the weight lifting gym to bulk up and strengthen myself
- I want to be able to go to class everyday
- I want to be able to train 2x a day 5 days a week
- I want to be able to get that fire back, I need it back.

Just...I need some help here.

U r over training!

If you are loosing muscle mass your metabolism is literally digesting U from the inside.

Training at that level tbh I've only been able to do a couple of months at a time 3 times a year. And when I do I eat a half dozen eggs for breakfast, a bag of Kale in a salad with Broccoli and fresh veggies, dinner is half a Chicken plus another plate of Broccoli for dinner. Plus all the Almonds and fresh fruit a want all day as an example. That's to sustain a 6 foot 197lb frame....

I basically turn into a training eating and shitting machine...

And I'm still a little outhouse rat crazy after the camp!

LOL!

Be careful your body and mind can't take that level of punishment and depletion for ever!

Stay safe!

 

[Symbolistic]

Honest question, going from that much strength/muscle gain and energy to that much strength loss and no energy or motivation: where you taking steroids when you were lifting and training all the time?

I never touched steroids, lol, wouldn't even know where to get some...
I didn't lose 30lb of muscle, lol, just 30lb, i was just saying a lot of it was muscle, my shoulders are small as hell now, arms like noodles, chicken legs, I lost a lottttt of weight.

 

[Uchi Mata]

I never touched steroids, lol, wouldn't even know where to get some...
I didn't lose 30lb of muscle, lol, just 30lb, i was just saying a lot of it was muscle, my shoulders are small as hell now, arms like noodles, chicken legs, I lost a lottttt of weight.

did you stop eating? That's an awful lot of muscle to lose in a hurry. Did you ever go see a doctor about it?

 

[Symbolistic]

did you stop eating? That's an awful lot of muscle to lose in a hurry. Did you ever go see a doctor about it?

Yeah like I said in the OP, I wasn't eating as much as I was eating when I was just lifting weights alone.
Its easier for me to bulk up if all I'm doing is lifting weights, but I was now training 2x a day 5x a week, I didn't have any time to eat nearly as much as I did when I was just going to the gym to lift weights alone.
Usually I'd get up, eat breakfast, go to the gym, come back, eat a small snack like Peanut butter sandwich + milk, and go back to the gym after I showered, then come home and try to eat a big meal.
That isn't nearly enough for me to gain weight and was barley enough to maintain it.

Plus its expensive trying to buy enough food too, I'm supporting my parents, barley got any money for myself.

 

[RJ Green]

 

[Russky]

One year ago:

http://forums.sherdog.com/threads/i-dont-know-whats-going-on-with-me-self-discipline.3145037

Very educational. Guilt and denial are symptoms of overtraining.

Plus its expensive trying to buy enough food too, I'm supporting my parents, barley got any money for myself.

You can buy barley for less than $1/lb. I guess you still can afford extra $1 per day on pasta, rice, or beans if you cook yourself.

 

[Symbolistic]

One year ago:

http://forums.sherdog.com/threads/i-dont-know-whats-going-on-with-me-self-discipline.3145037

Very educational. Guilt and denial are symptoms of overtraining.



You can buy barley for less than $1/lb. I guess you still can afford extra $1 per day on pasta, rice, or beans if you cook yourself.

I forgot about that thread, forgot I was going through this exact thing around the same time last year, it sucks.
I don't know how to burst past this thing, its so stupid its pissing me off.

I guess all I can do is just get through it, suffer, and just go train.

 

[Russky]

I guess all I can do is just get through it, suffer, and just go train.

Then we will see yet another thread like this quite soon.

STOP. Gain weight, recover, slow down.

 

[Symbolistic]

Then we will see yet another thread like this quite soon.

STOP. Gain weight, recover, slow down.

What do you mean stop? I can't just stop training MMA altogether, I need to keep going or else when I return I will basically almost become a complete newbie again and have to relearn so much.
I will work to gain back the weight, I'll just slow down the number of times I train per week until I catch up?
Does that sound better?

 

[winterbike]

A friend of mine used to be OBSESSED with BJJ. Every conversation I had with him for a while was centered around BJJ. He'd train every day like a beast, then go home and watch videos for hours. He kept at it for 3-4 years, even when he worked nights. He'd get home, sleep for 4 hours, and show up at 10 am to train again. At some point he flew to California to train at Atos for a few months. He won the World's at purple belt, and... that was it. He realized that's all there was to it, came back, and didn't train for close to a year. Even now he barely trains (he's still a beast on the mats).

Burning out is real.

 

[lechien]

I don't understand.

You are complaining that you cannot train hard as you could when you peaked before you stopped training.

Only after 2 months of being back training.

What is wrong with people?
Do they expect instant gratifications?

 

[TheMood]

Are you feeling like this all the time about everything or just about training? Have you seen a doctor? Something doesn't sound right from what you are describing. Perhaps it is depression?

 

[Codger]

Loads of training, weights, powerlifting leading to weight-loss and depression sounds like textbook overtraining. So the layoff isn't a bad thing.

As for not gaining 30lb since Dec, being out of shape and weak having lost loads of weight and being out of the game for several months - that's normal obviously.

If you want the weight back, get down the gym and eat properly. It will take a while. Not having time to eat is bullshit. It doesn't take ages to get calories down you. Not having enough money to eat like a bodybuilder however is a legit excuse and if that's the case then you have accept that. However, in terms of calories, you can get those pretty damned cheap, especially when compared to paying the average MMA gym membership.

Personally I'd forget going straight back to that previous level immediately. How can you train twice a day and hold down a job anyway?

Just commit to training a few times a week, eating right and resting and see how that goes. Then build it up, if you really want to.

 

[Symbolistic]

I don't understand.

You are complaining that you cannot train hard as you could when you peaked before you stopped training.

Only after 2 months of being back training.

What is wrong with people?
Do they expect instant gratifications?

You clearly didn't understand my OP well enough... I said I peaked, then started feeling this way not long before I had to stop due to family issues.
Now I'm back and starting to get the same feeling as before.

Loads of training, weights, powerlifting leading to weight-loss and depression sounds like textbook overtraining. So the layoff isn't a bad thing.

As for not gaining 30lb since Dec, being out of shape and weak having lost loads of weight and being out of the game for several months - that's normal obviously.

If you want the weight back, get down the gym and eat properly. It will take a while. Not having time to eat is bullshit. It doesn't take ages to get calories down you. Not having enough money to eat like a bodybuilder however is a legit excuse and if that's the case then you have accept that. However, in terms of calories, you can get those pretty damned cheap, especially when compared to paying the average MMA gym membership.

Personally I'd forget going straight back to that previous level immediately. How can you train twice a day and hold down a job anyway?

Just commit to training a few times a week, eating right and resting and see how that goes. Then build it up, if you really want to.

Yeah a lot of people are saying to build back up, so I'll try, I'll need to figure out how I can buy enough food to bulk up, money is beyond tight.

 

[Codger]

I'll need to figure out how I can buy enough food to bulk up, money is beyond tight.

Rice and beans are cheap food. Oats too. So carbs and calories are not a problem. Protein tends to be the expensive part. Whilst having 1g of protein per lb and all that is supposedly optimum for building muscle ASAP, that doesn't mean you absolutely need it, it'll just take longer that's all. Cheap cuts of meat tend to have fat (more cheap calories). There are loads of ideas on the net for cheap bulking.

Do even really need to bulk up? These sports have weight classes.