I'm scared $#itless. Please provide your support.

I'm the second born son in my family, my older bro is 3 years my senior. My parents loved us equally, but word of advice: One area where mine messed up was leaning into the sibling pecking order too much as we were being raised.

My Dad would tell my brother things like "We expect him (meaning me) to make mistakes, he's the youngest, but you're older and more responsible" It gave my brother a superiority complex, despite the age difference not being really considerable enough to warrant such comments. Subsequently I grew up feeling like a fuckup by virtue of being younger, while my brother was exalted as being innately responsible by birth order and not actual maturity.

It worked out for me because I put an emphasis on not screwing up as a kid/teen, whereas by brother had a "can do no wrong" attitude and developed common sense blind spots that landed him in some life altering situations.

Just raise them to have each others backs and be best buds.
 
Urban Youth said:
I'm the second born son in my family, my older bro is 3 years my senior. My parents loved us equally, but word of advice: One area where mine messed up was leaning into the sibling pecking order too much as we were being raised.

My Dad would tell my brother things like "We expect him (meaning me) to make mistakes, he's the youngest, but you're older and more responsible" It gave my brother a superiority complex, despite the age difference not being really considerable enough to warrant such comments. Subsequently I grew up feeling like a fuckup by virtue of being younger, while my brother was exalted as being innately responsible by birth order and not actual maturity.

It worked out for me because I put an emphasis on not screwing up as a kid/teen, whereas by brother had a "can do no wrong" attitude and developed common sense blind spots that landed him in some life altering situations.

Just raise them to have each others backs and be best buds.
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That's my full intention - and thank you for a great advise! I'll do my best not to fuck up the relationship between them
 
AimedWithV said:
I'm scared $#itless. How the fuck will I be able to love the second son as I do the first?
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Ok, there are way bigger issues in life to be scared 'shitless' about and having a second child is not one of them. I can think of two: Health and money. Love never runs out for the kids, and don't forget to love the wife also. If you made it through the first one, the second one will be even easier. The wife is your 'battle buddy' through this ordeal. You are never alone.
 
Phr3121 said:
Ok, there are way bigger issues in life to be scared 'shitless' about and having a second child is not one of them. I can think of two: Health and money. Love never runs out for the kids, and don't forget to love the wife also. If you made it through the first one, the second one will be even easier. The wife is your 'battle buddy' through this ordeal. You are never alone.
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My wife, I'm always there for her too...and I'm sure she won't have those issues. I talked to her about that and she thinks I'll be fine.

On the other hand, she has a friend , who claims that her husband loves their first one more than 2 others...and I know him, he's a great guy actually. But he shows clear preference to the oldest one.
I know I'm not them....but I don't it to come to this.

Health and money yes...I get more money now than I did when we had our first one. Health...oh boy. I forgot about mine. I don't remember the face of my doctor.
 
wait till you have a daughter, then you too will know the feeling of having your whole life taken over by a female.
 
neverwas said:
wait till you have a daughter, then you too will know the feeling of having your whole life taken over by a female.
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I'm not sure we're going to make another one in a close future.

The probability of twins is too damn high!
 
rocketskates said:
I think this is common because I felt the exact same way prior to having my second one. Honestly, as soon as you lay eyes on him you’ll love him just as much as your first and the other stuff you will figure out. It’s parenting. Not easy by any means, but, you make it work and it makes you a better person. Best of luck.
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Same here. Once you see him it'll all be fine.
 
Keep going man and start your own reality show. 20 and counting.
 
You'll do fine, just remember you're working for them. Everything you do is for them so don't feel guilty. The first child always get more attention anyway, that's absolutely normal.
 
I don't understand how you guys in long term relationships keep getting "surprised" by pregnancies.

Are you just not taking any precautions because it sounds like this baby is unplanned?
 
cmw43 said:
I don't understand how you guys in long term relationships keep getting "surprised" by pregnancies.

Are you just not taking any precautions because it sounds like this baby is unplanned?
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No one is surprised, everything is planned.
Still I'm scared :)
 
Congrats!

I felt the same way when I found I was expecting my second but guess what? It did turn out fine.
 
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