If they weren't fighting

Discussion in 'UFC Discussion' started by Macalpinerules, Aug 15, 2016.

  1. Macalpinerules

    Macalpinerules Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card

    Joined:
    May 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,709
    Likes Received:
    2,844
    For some reason MMA more than any other sport makes me think of what its athletes would be doing if they weren't fighting. I've often thought about how the lives of fighters would have turned out if they didn't have MMA so I'll share a few.

    GSP: If GSP didn't have MMA he would obviously be an amateur UFO researcher. I could also see him researching other conspiracies like who killed Kennedy and how did the Easter Island people make a stone edifice of Bigfoot Silva before Bigfoot Silva was even born.

    Jon Jones: Jon Jones should thank God everyday for MMA because without it he would be selling his parent's TV and other home appliances in order to get a bump. And without the MMA media and fans watching his every move he likely would run over every dog in the neighborhood before running over the mailman. And all that is before he pulls onto the freeway but that's another story.

    Glover Texiera: Maybe I'm nuts, but without MMA I picture Glover living in Louisiana making a living as a Cajun Chef.

    Anderson Silva: I feel so stupid for writing anything about Anderson because everyone and their mother knows that Anderson would be a volleyball coach If he didn't have MMA.

    Wanderlei Silva: Wandelei would be Brazil's version of Dog The Bounty Hunter. He would go all the way too with the look by growing a mullet and dying it blonde.

    Matt Mitrione: Matt would almost certainly be a local politician. But a bad one of course. Within a week in office everyone would die of water poisoning because Matt would use the city water maintenance money to pay for his dog's veterinary bills. He would blame Dana for all of this of course, even though he never fought MMA and doesn't know who Dana is.

    Joanna J.: Joanna is a bad bitch. She would be living in Russia if it weren't for MMA. While in Russia she would be recruited by Putin as a sexual hitwoman. Her job would be to romantically court Putin's enemies and then kill them in their sleep after she milks their old, wrinkly, corrupt cocks.

    Nick and Nate Diaz: This is the least obvious case of all the fighters. But I'm pretty sure that If Nick and Nate weren't fighting they would be operating a daycare. Milk and cookies would be served in the afternoon and throughout the day Nate would conduct arts and crafts while Nick would show the little ones how to count on their fingers.

    Chris Weidman: when I look at Chris I can't see anything but a garbage man. Maybe he would be driving the truck but surely he would be involved with waste disposal in one way or another.

    Conor Mcgregor: According to Conor he would have been a plumber.

    I'll be back with more.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016
    QueenVitor, TTech, Dangus and 2 others like this.
  2. The guest

    The guest Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2016
    Messages:
    16,132
    Likes Received:
    29,271
    Location:
    A strange land
  3. Sparkie

    Sparkie Black Belt

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2014
    Messages:
    5,594
    Likes Received:
    5,576
    oh god
    had me chuckling
    all the way through:D
     
  4. Smaller than average peen

    Smaller than average peen Gold Belt Platinum Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    15,121
    Likes Received:
    16,728
    Weidman, Jones and Diaz....very nice :)
     
  5. Drake

    Drake Guest

    I'm not reading any of your thread op's until you fight Johny, bro.

    <13>
     
  6. Willek

    Willek Gold Belt

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2016
    Messages:
    16,819
    Likes Received:
    39,713
    "I'll be back with more".

    No, that's OK.
     
  7. Noko

    Noko Blue Belt

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2016
    Messages:
    517
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    fresno ca
    Black beast,leader of the BGF
     
  8. nostradumbass

    nostradumbass Steel Belt

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2008
    Messages:
    25,987
    Likes Received:
    48,185
    If not for MMA, Jones would probably have been involved in a hit and run, just a few years after crashing another car into a tree wasted. Wait, how does this game work?
     
  9. Dee Devlin

    Dee Devlin Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2015
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    744
    Location:
    Dublin, Ireland
    CB Dolloway: Porn historian

    King Conor: Flight attendant because he's drop dead gorgeous and people want to be around him all day

    Mighty Mouse: crime scene cleaner. Who better to clean the blood spatter in tight spots

    Daniel Cormier: mall santa
     
    McgreGOATsLeft likes this.
  10. surgeyou1

    surgeyou1 Welcome to the Machida Era...Part Deux

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2013
    Messages:
    23,655
    Likes Received:
    38,325
    Joanna is not hot enough to sexually court powerful leaders.
     
  11. Boomb

    Boomb Hate the game, not the player.

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2008
    Messages:
    5,640
    Likes Received:
    8,510
    When I first saw the title of the thread and the wall of text, my reaction was: [​IMG]

    but I changed my mind and gave you a chance, TS. I must admit that some of the bits are pretty funny, not all of them, though...
     
  12. Shonuffbrad

    Shonuffbrad Lead farmer

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2016
    Messages:
    894
    Likes Received:
    1,046
    Location:
    Durant, Oklahoma
  13. Hazuki Ryo

    Hazuki Ryo Purple Belt

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2014
    Messages:
    1,583
    Likes Received:
    2,939
    Ahahaha perfect
     
    McgreGOATsLeft likes this.
  14. abrasion

    abrasion Ancient one

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2006
    Messages:
    1,987
    Likes Received:
    1,963
    Location:
    North of mexico, south of canada
    Man thats some bs. Everyone knows diaz bros would be running a marijuana dispensary sonewhere in the pacific nw.
     
  15. King Bastar

    King Bastar Green Belt

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    954
    Likes Received:
    6,186
  16. Macalpinerules

    Macalpinerules Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card

    Joined:
    May 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,709
    Likes Received:
    2,844
    lmao Joanna is sexy af
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.