I will never surrender

Graedy, I'll be prayin for you brother. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. My father suffers from the same ailment plus Sclerosing colingitus sp? which is the disease Walter Payton died from. Anyway, much sympathy for you and I really do hope that it all works out for you. You do inspire people with your good attitude amidst the pain and sickness. Don't give up man!
 
Thx, guys. And my very best wishes to your dad, rickdog. This disease fucks you up slowly but surely. It humiliates you (shit yourself...), it causes more pain than i could ever imagine, the medication makes your body weak and makes you look disgusting (bloated face, akne...), it makes you unable to leave the house because you always need a toilette in reach. And after some months of living under such conditions your selfconfindece, your pride and your will are so small that you have to search for them. The worst thing was that there was no perpective that it will ever change.
But now there is hope and im ready to fight some more months (at least i hope so).
Im broken but the pieces dont stop figthing ;)
 
Man i said it already but i have to say it again, ur a F#@%#$ inspiration to me and i guess many other guys in the forum, keep goin bro i belive in you..
 
I just write it down, the way it is.
At first all i wanted to do was writing a lifting log. I knew from the beginning, that the Colitis would influence my lifting (i thought , it would influence it like my nutritriton, sleep...). So the state of the disease was naturally a part of this log. I would have never thought, that it goes that bad, that it fucks up my whole life. Now its more a "sickman
 
Keep us posted man...........We are all pulling for you.!!!
 
Today i started taking some medicaments i have to take for 14 days before the study starts and i will finally get the new medicament and start reducing the cortison.
So this was the bell for round 3.
 
Todays physical activity:
Walk (Doc told me not to jogg because of the small impacts on the body every step does, and he is right) with the Dog for 6-7 km. My legs are so weak and small, that im kind of unstable.
BW: 82 kg
 
Yesterday i experienced again why i should always have a toilette in reach, even hwen i feel good.
My luck this never happended to me in public so far. But the humiliation is still there. Im also bleeding like a pig again. 4 days until i get the new medication. if this doesnt help as well...
 
Todays examinations, for the study, i gonna take part in, showed, that the colitis is as bad as a colitis can be. The whole Colon is fucked. This is pretty bad :icon_cry2 .
Tomorrow i will start taking the new medicament (hopefully its not a placebo (50% of the studymedication are placebos)).

NEVER SURRENDER!
 
Read a bit about the musclebuilding-realted sideeffects of longtime cortison use today.
Summary: Its a mystery how i could build strength and muscels while taking high dosages twice a day (its a catabolic steroid).
Yesterday and today i took 90 mg. Tomorrow i will go down to 40 mg again. Btw. the body produces 2,5 mg itself :)
 
Yesterday i felt ok for sometime. So i tried how many push ups and chin ups i can do.
50 push ups
12 chin ups

Then i was done :(
 
CRP went down to 6. That is pretty good. But the rest of the bloodwork was as bad as always. No ferritin etc.. Doc said, that you can see in my bloodwork, that im loosin lots of blood. Lets see how things develop.
 
Read arround in forums about Colitis/Crohn. Man! Reading posts from people, that suffer from it 20 and more years doesnt make you have positive feelings about your future. Its one of the most depressing things you can read about. Stories about people who keep on fighitng but never win and never really loose. I would prefer if it was death or cured. You can die from those diseases or the sideeffects of the medicaments. But most of the time you do not. But you do not really live eihter. The guy who finds a medicament to cure those diseases will be my god.
 
Hang in there bro! Hopefully I can make you laugh at this. I went in to the Coffeshop yesterday morning (same one every day) they have sirius satellite radio and the barrista's had the 80's station on and wouldn't you know never surrender was on mmmeeeoooowwweeeuuuu. :D
 
:) the eighties. Shitty music (not everything but...), horrible fashion. Im glad i was just born in this time ;)
 
Tomorrow the Prof will decide wether or not he will take me out of study because im in such a bad condition (15-20 times on the toilette, pain, bleeding etc.). He thinks, that i get Placebo at the moment.
So if im out tomorrow and it was Placebo, i will get the medication from then on. If it was the medication, that would mean, that the medicamtn doesnt help.... over and out. Im so nervous!
 
Two other patients had to leave the study. That Placebothing is just fucked up. Prof says, he has several people which feel absolutelly fine and take no cortison anymore (those people seem to get the medication , so it works very well). And then you have the Placebopatients who have to suffer. I will keep on trying to make it through the 6 weeks (so the study is a success and all the other colitis patients get the medication as fast as possible). But if it doesnt get better within the next days, its just impossible because im dead in 6 weeks. Man, what a fight!
 
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