I went to a evengalist revival under the influence.. I think I got forced converted.

AgonyandIrony said:
Jesus says mind your business bruh.

She wants me to go because I party every night and do a fuck ton of drugs. She was homeschooled, wasn't even allowed to watch Disney movies in high school.

Check your autism bruh.



This. She was like "hey I'm picking you up Thursday" didn't even ask.




Lol! Sorry bruh. Jesus says butt fun is okay.
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Mind my business when you post this nonsense on a public forum. You're an idiot!
 
DyslexicDave said:
Mind my business when you post this nonsense on a public forum. You're an idiot!
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Hey, at least he's not getting violent with his step dad when he turns off the computer.

I realize that thread was a joke, but this thread also doesn't seem to be so serious. Lighten up.
 
I just like the word buttfunning lol. Good luck TS you have my support!
 
AgonyandIrony said:
I prayed about it. Jesus says quit being a dick and chill out. Jesus suggests therapy and a blunt.
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Dude, I'm not religious. Just tolerant of all religions/non relgions. And FWIW, I am quite blunted right now. I can now see the errors in my ways...
 
What's really hilarious, is I'm watching the 1976 version of King Kong right now, and just saw the part where the natives are having their ceremony before they give Jessica Lange as an offering, and I imagined that the people chanting and speaking tongues in your story were acting like the natives in the movie. Just replace " KONG! KONG! KONG! KONG!" with "GOD! GOD! GOD! GOD!" and it fits, completely.

As far as getting the Christ smacked into you, my homies back in OKC went to one of these churches one time, fucked up like you, and actually went down and got smacked and faked the whole passing out thing, just bc they thought it was funny. They showed me their "God smack (lol) poses," and I about cried, that shit was too funny.
 
DyslexicDave said:
Dude, I'm not religious. Just tolerant of all religions/non relgions. And FWIW, I am quite blunted right now. I can now see the errors in my ways...
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Go with Jesus my son. I am pleased to hear you have repented.

Since I have change your ways don't forget to tithe. Don't worry Jesus told me he's going to make your life better if you give as much as you can. Don't forget that when you start singing were going to increase the volume of the music and the dancers. Before we ask you to now your head and pray, notice how mellow the music is now that we got your heart rate up or how peaceful and happy my voice is? Isn't God good? Think about what a wonderful time were living in, "where you can use your cell phone to give" don't worry all of our profits are going to give all our money to our missionaries, excluding the undisclosed money given to our guest millionaire pastors.

I hope you've learned the error of your ways.


PS don't forget to tithe. We have a church event every day now and giving brings you closer to God.
 
Yo, A&I, technically they aren't really wanting you to tithe. Because a tithe is a fixed amount based on what you make in a year. They probably don't want to put a cap on it.
 
Slick_36 said:
Yo, A&I, technically they aren't really wanting you to tithe. Because a tithe is a fixed amount based on what you make in a year. They probably don't want to put a cap on it.
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Ah, you are correct. 10% right?

They repeatedly said "isn't it wonderful to give to God"

With a big old smile on their faces.
 
AgonyandIrony said:
Go with Jesus my son. I am pleased to hear you have repented.

Since I have change your ways don't forget to tithe. Don't worry Jesus told me he's going to make your life better if you give as much as you can. Don't forget that when you start singing were going to increase the volume of the music and the dancers. Before we ask you to now your head and pray, notice how mellow the music is now that we got your heart rate up or how peaceful and happy my voice is? Isn't God good? Think about what a wonderful time were living in, "where you can use your cell phone to give" don't worry all of our profits are going to give all our money to our missionaries, excluding the undisclosed money given to our guest millionaire pastors.

I hope you've learned the error of your ways.


PS don't forget to tithe. We have a church event every day now and giving brings you closer to God.
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I'm a non-practicing Jew you f'n moron. GL with having to lie to dudes just for a quick fudge pack.
 
I never considered a snake handler, speaking in tongues type church on acid.

I'm thinking its 50/50 awesome or nightmarish.
 
AgonyandIrony said:
Anyway, we get there and I'm blazed like the WTC.
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20130321215833-16d1c7ef_zps52e97001.gif
 
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AgonyandIrony said:
I don't get it either. She's hella into BDSM stuff and is pretty cool, despite the fact she's not allowed to come out to the bars with me anymore because I drink heavily/do drugs, and she feels like giving me all the details like reading the minutes to a G.R.O.S.S. meeting.

But every time she comes out I do get to enjoy those girls competing for my attention, fucking me behind each others backs, so I'll keep doing that until it blows up in my face.

I drink so much red bull in my line of work that it doesn't fuck with me, I just brought the staff dinner and they wanted to show their appreciation.
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I hope you're taking advantage of this

Btw I had a similar story except it was as a Muslim. I was in high school and my dad hears about some special prayer ceremony he wants to take my brothers and I to. He's not that religious and hardly ever does anything like this so I just went with it. We're looking for the place and turns out its in some warehouse. We get there and its mostly some Arab guys. There are snacks out and I go straight to the glazed donut holes because I love them and right next to them I see these small books meant to teach you about religion. I pick one up about how music and dancing is evil that has some story about this couple who gets married and has too much fun singing and dancing so they die in their sleep that night. It wasn't even clear if God kill them, they just died. To summarie the rest of the books; No fun allowed

Anyway its time for the prayer and at first its normal and then afterwards we're sitting there on our knees with only a small layer of carpet between us and the concrete floor so its not too comfortable. The guy leading the prayer starts chanting in Arabic, getting louder and louder until he starts chanting "ALLAH-HU, ALLAH-HU" over and over again. He eventually starts crying and this whole thing lasts more than an hour. When its all done I go back to the donut holes and before we leave one of the older guys tells me I can take the rest of the box home so in the end it was worth it. Not as good as BDSM and butt stuff but a decent consolation prize nonetheless.
thebluerider said:
honestly, you sound like scum
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How so? He sounds abit hedonistic and short sighted but she sounds worse to me given her hypocrisy.
AgonyandIrony said:
Maybe I'll just do scat man. Bee dot da badda Bo.
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Learn from the best
[YT]YFcoC1FJOhA&start=63[/YT]
Bust in there in drag next time with these tongues and I'm sure you'll fit right in.
 
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