I rewrote the opening scene of Infinity Wars

How would you have written the Martha scene in batman vs superman?
 
Thanos looks out the window while holding a beat up Thor, in a broken ship that's on fire with dead Asgardians all over.

Thanos turns to loki...

Thanos: I know what it's like to lose.

Loki: Ummmm do you???

Thanos: Yes, this one time I lost an infinity stone ... actually I gave it to you....

Loki: Yeah I lost that

Thanos: But you did fine the teseract!!

Loki: Maybe I did ... maybe I didn't....

Thanos: Give me the teseract ... or I'll do this!

Thanos burns Thor's head with the purple power stone and Thor screams whole Loki looks on.

Loki: That sucks but really, Thor's so powerful that's like burning a regular person with a cigar.

Thanos has Thor's skull in his hand and picks him up in the air and begins to crush his skill. Thor screams louder and we hear skull crushing noises.

Loki: He's been through worse.

Thanos, while still holding Thor up in the air, knees him in the spine and Thor spits out chunks of spine all over.

Loki: OH FUCK HERE IT IS!!

Loki presents the teseract to Thanos, Thanos goes to reach it and Loki pulls it back

Loki: Got ya!

Thanos: Really ....

Loki: Ya know what else we got? A HULK!

Hulk comes out and begins to fight thanos.

Thor: What the ... where was he this whole time???

Loki: You see

**flashback***

Loki is talking to Hulk

Hulk: Let's go smash!!!

Loki: Wait, let's do this sweet call back where you hide in the broom closet until I say "We got a hulk"

Hulk: Hulk like!!!

**back to present**

Thor: Yeah ok, that's pretty cinematic, I would have done the same.

Meanwhile Hulk is smashing Thanos and then Cull Obsidian prepares to help but Ebony Maw holds him back

Ebony Maw: Let him have his fun.

Hulk is immediately knocked out.

Thanos: That was no fun.

Thor goes to hit Thanos with a metal pipe but it bends and pokes Thor in his good eye.

Thor: I HATE MY LIFE LATELY!!!

Ebony Maw traps him in pieces of metal and Loki gives Thanos the teseract.

Thanos: Time to take my clothes off.

Thanos disrobes to show his sexy arms and crushes the teseract and glass gets all over.

Thanos: Oh shit! That really shattered! Glass everywhere! It's in my eye!!

Ebony Maw: Some got in my eye too!!

Thor: And mine!! FUCKKKK

Michael Chiesa: My fuckin eye!!!

Thanos puts the stone in his Michael Jackson glove to bedazzle it even further and makes a bunch of satisfactory noises as he powers up and everyone watches for a while.

Loki: So ... I'm gunna go...

Thanos: Oh shit you're still here.

Loki: Let's be friends?

Thanos: K

Loki reveals a knife in his hand behind his back that Thanos can't see.... but the rest of the Black Order can.

Proxima Midnight: He's got a knife!!!

Loki: Oh fuck

Thanos chokes him with the gauntlet.

Loki: That's metal glove is really cold on my neck!!!

Thanos feels the life drain out of Loki and drops him.

Thanos: He better be dead this time ... someone poke him with a stick just to be sure.

Heimdall: I CALL UPON THE DARK MAGIC TO SUMMON A PRETTY RAINBOW TO SAVE THE GREEN GUY!!!!

Thanos: .... poke him with a stick too.

They kill Heimdall.

Thanos opens a portal to leave.

Ebony Maw: Wait, don't forget your very expensive golden armor that you dropped!

Thanos: I no longer need it ... my arms were warm anyway.

Ebony Maw: But it's so expensive. We can save it to buy things with or something.

Thanos: No time, I'm on a mission here to help solve the universe's limited resorce problem, now leave the priceless extra large gold armour and let's go.

They leave as the ship explodes all around them

---------

Let me know what you guys think and if you want me to do the rest of the movie
Hiemdal sends Thanos to earth, rather than the Hulk.

Thanos lands in the middle of the Atlantic and doesn't know how to swim.

Roll credits
 
Tell that to Zod's snapped neck.
 
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There should be a "high speed" chase in the beginning of the movie(which lasts for the entire movie), while Valkyrie and Hulk go to another planet's casino and find a codebreaker.
 
There should be a "high speed" chase in the beginning of the movie(which lasts for the entire movie), while Valkyrie and Hulk go to another planet's casino and find a codebreaker.

Ha!

I forgot to mention that there WAS a scene at the start of the movie that shows the start of the attack

some asguardians stay to fight and some like women flee on escape pods

Korg and Valkerie and Meek are isolated in a damaged part of the ship and Valkerie and Meek are knocked out by debris, beams etc

Korg manages to get to the only escape pod in their isolated trapped section and opts to help save Meek and Valkerie's lives

So this explains why they didn't fight but also lets us know their alive

It's not rocket appliances
 
@Dragonlordxxxxx liked my OP

I feel like I made it in life
Good work, Clippy. I chuckled at most of them and laughed at several of the lines. Your sense of humor for this spoof thread lines up with mine.

I do want to see you continue the story but try to keep it in just one thread.
 
Good work, Clippy. I chuckled at most of them and laughed at several of the lines. Your sense of humor for this spoof thread lines up with mine.

I do want to see you continue the story but try to keep it in just one thread.

Thanks pal, for real

You made my day

If I do do more I'll keep it in this thread but keep in mind I'm lazy and there is a lot of movie to work with here and nobody reads anymore :p
 
Yes, do the whole movie. But make it longer than the original.
 
Bonus points for adding Michael Chiesa.
 
I've been up since 3 and can't sleep.
So I read this.
Better make more, in case it happens again.
 
Also, can you rewrite Under Siege?

There's literally no way for it to be worse, so your success is guaranteed.
 
I’m sorry, I could barely make it through a quarter of that. I saw the movie once. It was forgettable.
 
Also, can you rewrite Under Siege?

There's literally no way for it to be worse, so your success is guaranteed.
Garry Busey pops out of the cake dressed in drag. Then he blows every sailor on the ship, one by one, in the most graphic sex scene to ever be shown in a major motion picture. That’s the whole rest of the movie, him just tirelessly blowing everyone on the ship.

Except for the very end when Steven Seagal accidentally cuts off his own dick with a knife as he’s flipping it around. But that’s an end credits scene.
 
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