I lost one of my best friends today

This is modern day men for you. Basically men have become bitches and get involved in women drama. I swear our fathers wouldnt get involved in shit like this and tell the women if you dont like her, then dont talk to her....but she is coming because she is the wife of my best friend. It seems your woman poisoned your mind and you actually told your so called best friend dont bring your wife. Your wife need to let shit go....so what she didnt call her when her father died.

A sane person would take it as a sign that the friendship isnt as tight as they thought and move on with their life. That woman didnt owe your wife shit. Also woman are masters at exaggerating and I really doubt they were ever best friends. They hanged with each other because of you and your friend. Your friend did the right thing not to come and you lost a friend because of your woman not letting shit go and act maturely
 
Sounds like a friend worth losing, imo.

And I'm kind of surprised at how many people are rationalizing the lack of consolation shown by the GF's friend. If you don't know how to deal with death, so fucking what. Step out of your comfort zone and console someone who just lost their parent. Seriously.

How selfish can one be to focus on their own mental comfort level during a period of such pain for someone else?
 
Ts should get a new best friend. One that is younger, better looking, stronger,richer and one with a actual penis and balls.
 
BearGrounds said:
Sounds like a friend worth losing, imo.

And I'm kind of surprised at how many people are rationalizing the lack of consolation shown by the GF's friend. If you don't know how to deal with death, so fucking what. Step out of your comfort zone and console someone who just lost their parent. Seriously.

How selfish can one be to focus on their own mental comfort level during a period of such pain for someone else?
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Your best friends wife didnt call me when my father died, she cant come to our wedding, but your best friend can come......sounds silly doesnt it? They should have invited both or neither, you cant tell a man come to my wedding, but your wife is not welcome:rolleyes:
 
The older you get, the less you give a fuck about having friends.
 
Gervinho said:
Your best friends wife didnt call me when my father died, she cant come to our wedding, but your best friend can come......sounds silly doesnt it? They should have invited both or neither, you cant tell a man come to my wedding, but your wife is not welcome:rolleyes:
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According to the story, the two females became great friends. You console your friend when their parent dies or you do not call yourself a friend. It's not so silly if what the TS is describing is accurate.

I agree that allowing the situation and it's tension to evolve into what it's now become, was foolish. It should have been squashed before snowballing.
 
isor said:
Yous both should have told your significant others to sort their shit out and stop being childish.

In the absence of yous having the fortitude to do so - that's his wife who he has to cohabitate daily, so the choice is obvious for him.
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Agreed,

I think its way out of line for your fiancee to cut of her friend like that and to even demand an apology.

Its not like "A" has done some thing bad to offend your fiancee like you know double cross her about a business deal or make up stories etc,


Losing a relative is really painful and getting ignored by your friend during that time is more painful, but there is a time to mourn and grieve about her father's passing she should have let that go as she recovered from her Father's death unless her "A" treated her like shit even after that.

From what I understand its your Fiancee who cut of ties with "A".
 
You CAN'T invite somebody and then say "leave your wife at home". Either you invite both of them or neither. You put your friend in a ridiculous situation and he made the right decision that you forced on him. If you didn't want his wife there, you don't invite him but explain why and then keep being friends.

This is COMPLETELY on you. You created the situation and don't like the results. And if you think it would be okay to attend a social gathering somewhere in the future that says "leave your wife at home" well your marriage ain't gonna last long.
 
Te Huna Matata said:
What could I have handled differently or was this doomed from the get-go?
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There's a lot of things that could have been done differently here.


Way back, you should have had a discussion with your friend. "Hey my gf is really upset and hurt yours wasn't there for her." Talk about it between yourselves, and figure out why it happened and if/how it can be patched.
Maybe his woman didn't realize it was a big deal. Maybe she was already mad at yours for something previous. Maybe she was just tired of the friendship anyway. Who knows? But instead of letting guesses and resentment fester, you should have clarified.
Then, if they didn't hug and make up, you and your buddy should have talked about how you two can still maintain some of your relationship with the new situation that the women don't get along anymore.
And talk through any sticky situations that could arise in advance. Like, instead of "you're the best man, she's sort of but not really invited", discuss with him the situation - it means a lot for me to have you there, she's going to be upset if your woman is there, what's going to be manageable for you? Are you sure that works?


Too bad, though. I suspect one or both women are pretty petty.
 
This is why all my friends are virtual or imaginary. Real life people have such silly problems.

With that said there is more to this story imo. I refuse to believe the friendship between the ladies ended simply because one of their Dad's passed away and the other didn't help them. You said he lasted 9 months. Did the friend support your wife at all during that time? And if not did your soon to be wife ever ask the friend why she didn't? Perhaps something more has gone on that your soon to be wife is omitting from the conversation.

Also the wedding scenario seems really silly. This part especially "My fiancee told him he would be invited with her as a polite courtesy but ultimately, it would be better if she'd not attend." That is a mindfuck. Talk about mixed messages. That is just creating drama for no reason. Either your soon to be wife wants to make amends or doesn't. That type of behaviour just pisses people off.

Hope you can sort it out. As others have said contact your friend, perhaps even speak to his wife and get to the bottom of it if these people really mean that much to you. Otherwise forget it, your getting married in just over a week and this kind of stress is not good.
 
Too many responses to reply individually. Some points I'd like to reiterate. My fiancee was hurt by the fact that A never reached out after her father passed, didn't attend the funeral, etc. A still never reached out to try and correct the situation which hurt more and turned the situation into what it is today.

My fiancee never tried to stop me from going to his bachelor party and wedding. She basically said that she had no issue with he and I remaining friends. Just that she had no desire to remain friends with her at this point.
 
BearGrounds said:
According to the story, the two females became great friends. You console your friend when their parent dies or you do not call yourself a friend. It's not so silly if what the TS is describing is accurate.

I agree that allowing the situation and it's tension to evolve into what it's now become, was foolish. It should have been squashed before snowballing.
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Female friendship is always iffy, and great friends dont stop calling each other out of nowhere. The mistake the ts made was he got involved in female drama and let her silliness dictate him. He should have said if you really dont want his wife there, then I cant invite him. But I have to atleast give him the real reason why they cant come. you never tell a man you can come, but dont bring your wife
 
Imagine the life that could have been without these women, TS.

You and your buddy make it through college, end up moving to the same city, become roommates, go out all the time, go on awesome vacations, bang random hot broads, etc.

Instead, you're both miserable and conflicted.
 
I'm going to ignore everything about the relationship between your girl and his girl because I can't relate to chick shit.

The main issue here is your boy pulling out of the wedding 2 weeks before it goes down because that's whats fucked up.

So for me what it comes down to is when he accepted the responsibility of being Best Man did he know that his wife wasn't really invited? Or did he accept being Best Man, was informed of the noninvite, didn't think it was a big deal because he's not a chick, tell his chick who got upset and then pulled out?
 
Te Huna Matata said:
Too many responses to reply individually. Some points I'd like to reiterate. My fiancee was hurt by the fact that A never reached out after her father passed, didn't attend the funeral, etc. A still never reached out to try and correct the situation which hurt more and turned the situation into what it is today.

My fiancee never tried to stop me from going to his bachelor party and wedding. She basically said that she had no issue with he and I remaining friends. Just that she had no desire to remain friends with her at this point.
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But she didn't go to their wedding and made it known A wasn't welcome at yours.

Have A and your girl spoken at all since her dad passed?
 
What in the hell is this -

My fiancee told him he would be invited with her as a polite courtesy but ultimately, it would be better if she'd not attend.
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What's the point here? To be able to say "She was invited, but she chose not to come" to anybody who asked why the guy was there but not his wife? Where is the polite courtesy? You can come, but don't bring your wife.
 
Gervinho said:
Female friendship is always iffy, and great friends dont stop calling each other out of nowhere. The mistake the ts made was he got involved in female drama and let her silliness dictate him. He should have said if you really dont want his wife there, then I cant invite him. But I have to atleast give him the real reason why they cant come. you never tell a man you can come, but dont bring your wife
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I'm not fond of that move either, but even the guy knew it was coming. According to the OP, he had to ask.
 
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