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- Sep 18, 2008
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My friends! I've made a startling discovery!
Many people wrestle with the idea of a god or religion in general.
I think I've found the perfect solution. Don't be religious. Don't be an atheist. Don't even be agnostic.
The correct answer is to PRETEND to be religious. That way you get the best of both worlds!
Think about it:
1. Go to church occasionally. Not even every week, but just once in a while so people think you're a member. The people at church are generally nice and it's always good to have nice friends.
2. Now you can join that Christian basketball league, or motorcycle club, or whatever group interests you. Ever try to join a non-religious basketball league? They're full of assholes.
3. NEVER struggle trying to find the right words for a tough situation. I mean, how many times have you gone to sign a sympathy card and everyone else has written "My thoughts and prayers are with you." And then as an atheist you have to write something stupid like "Welp, that sucks. Good luck, I guess." Telling someone you're praying for them is AWESOME because you get credit for doing something nice when you're actually not doing shit!
4. When the tithe bin comes around just drop in an envelope with a dollar in it. That way everybody thinks you're tithing. And even the church treasurer won't raise an eyebrow when she opens the envelope, she'll just assume a little kid did that.
5. Date hot christian chicks. They're not going to cheat on you because they're good girls. And if you want to bang them before marriage then simply don't choose a very strict church, and then you can always repent to her and say how ashamed you are that you pressured her to sin, and that you have asked god forgiveness.
6. Have more credibility/comraderie with people. Others will be more likely to believe your filthy lies if they think you're a christian. Or help you out when you have money problems.
That's right bros. The sweetest path through life is to pretend to be something you're not.
And if you're wrong? then I guess you go to hell.
Many people wrestle with the idea of a god or religion in general.
I think I've found the perfect solution. Don't be religious. Don't be an atheist. Don't even be agnostic.
The correct answer is to PRETEND to be religious. That way you get the best of both worlds!
Think about it:
1. Go to church occasionally. Not even every week, but just once in a while so people think you're a member. The people at church are generally nice and it's always good to have nice friends.
2. Now you can join that Christian basketball league, or motorcycle club, or whatever group interests you. Ever try to join a non-religious basketball league? They're full of assholes.
3. NEVER struggle trying to find the right words for a tough situation. I mean, how many times have you gone to sign a sympathy card and everyone else has written "My thoughts and prayers are with you." And then as an atheist you have to write something stupid like "Welp, that sucks. Good luck, I guess." Telling someone you're praying for them is AWESOME because you get credit for doing something nice when you're actually not doing shit!
4. When the tithe bin comes around just drop in an envelope with a dollar in it. That way everybody thinks you're tithing. And even the church treasurer won't raise an eyebrow when she opens the envelope, she'll just assume a little kid did that.
5. Date hot christian chicks. They're not going to cheat on you because they're good girls. And if you want to bang them before marriage then simply don't choose a very strict church, and then you can always repent to her and say how ashamed you are that you pressured her to sin, and that you have asked god forgiveness.
6. Have more credibility/comraderie with people. Others will be more likely to believe your filthy lies if they think you're a christian. Or help you out when you have money problems.
That's right bros. The sweetest path through life is to pretend to be something you're not.
And if you're wrong? then I guess you go to hell.
