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How to get "ILL" cardio

Discussion in 'Strength & Conditioning Discussion' started by mahalo, Sep 28, 2005.

  1. mahalo

    mahalo Silver Belt

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    by Mayhem Miller
    http://myspace.com/mayhemmiller

    A lot of people ask me, "Hey Mayhem, why you so funny lookin?" to which I reply, "It's okay, 'cuz I get things cookin." But a few other people ask me "How do I get great cardio?" If I don't feel like putting any effort into my answer I say "Go run, lunchbox." Usually they come back and say, "I just ran 10 miles!" "Fantastic, run another 15 and you have a marathon."What people don't understand is that fighting isn't a marathon, its a sprint. Actually, its a fifteen minute series of sprints, and to get ready for that, what do you do? How about a fifteen minute series of sprints? Now you're learning, spanky.

    As a cerified techno geek, I have a crack team of cardio trainers that hook me to machines and have me sprint on trampolines, and speak with fake russian accents, but it has occurred to me that not everyone has these special and unique opportunities, so what follows is the "I live in my van down by the river" cardio routine. Walk outside of your trailer and look around. Is there a patch of gravel that is flat enough to run on without losing your rubber slippers? Cool, this is where you are going to run, but first gotta warm up- don't wanna pull a hamby!

    First, make like your sister and bend over. Seriously, bend over and touch your toes, just make sure your Uncle Richard isn't in town this week. Also, find a sturdy side of your single wide and push against it, with your lower legs at an angle stretching your calves. Next up, using the vinyl siding for support, grab your toes and pull your heel close to your butt- but not that damn close! Shake your legs out, and start a nice smooth jog, being sure to pick up the pace after about a half a mile (use your ford festiva's odometer). Run about a mile then take a breather, but don't go inside and start drinking kool-aid just yet, the real work hasn't begun yet.

    Steal you cousins casio g-shock watch and go to that patch of gravel we talked about earlier. It should be about a hundred yards long, and doesn't have to be gravel, as long as you can sprint on it. Get psyched up, push the button on the side of the watch (the one that starts it, not the one that makes it talk), and sprint the 100 yards as fast as you can. When you get to the end, turn around, wait for the watch to hit 30 seconds then sprint again. When you start to get the hang of this, try sprinting up a hill then walking back down. This will get you into what we in the biz call "savage shape" hopefully enabling you to tear the head off of you opponents for at least 15 minutes.

    The reason this works so well, is people mistake continuous, monotonous running for getting in shape. If you are running half speed for an hour you aren't blasting your heart rate, and that is a very squirrel neck method of training. Get crunk and do it high intensity style. Good luck and it doesn't count if you just read this over and over then download porn continously. That doesn't get your heart rate up for long enough. GOOD LUCK!

    --Jason Mayhem Miller
     
  2. asdffdsa

    asdffdsa Brown Belt

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    I resent those trailer park statements.




    Seriously tho pretty funny.
     
  3. NAS451

    NAS451 GIF Belt of the World

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    Good read, he's got a good sense of humor!!
     
  4. jiujitsujayhawk

    jiujitsujayhawk Yellow Belt

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    It's called guerilla cardio, and yes it is the shit.
     
  5. WUchi

    WUchi beaver belt

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    he is right, and i like the chris farley reference. +2
     
  6. ghost_monk

    ghost_monk UNITY!!!!!!!111

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    shouldnt this go in the conditioning forum???
     
  7. Metafour

    Metafour 武士道

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    It's always good to train as hard and fast as you possibly can so you can fight the same way.
     
  8. Strict Nine

    Strict Nine Senior Moderator Senior Moderator

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    I'm doing this workout 3 times a week at the moment. It is... intense to say the least!
     
  9. 86'd

    86'd Cha Ching!

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    Mayhem is the shit.

    I want Mayhem/Diaz to happen crazy. Both have crazy unorthadox type BJJ. It would be reversal after reversal.
     
  10. MASIAH

    MASIAH Purple Belt

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    Mayhem is one crazy mofo!
     
  11. Murdoch

    Murdoch Brown Belt

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    has anyone had the chance to go to one of his training sessions? I hear they're awesome and that he will roll with every person there at some poing.
     
  12. ianmar9

    ianmar9 Banned Banned

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    That guy is funny as hell.
     
  13. Leeberg27

    Leeberg27 Oh .. you wanna see one of my kicks eh!?

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    Cool guy, and great advice for fighting cardio
     
  14. robnoxious24

    robnoxious24 Guest

    mayhem is nuts. lol
     
  15. Domingo

    Domingo Black Belt in Sumu and Judu

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    Funny as hell, but it's true. How many MMA fighters have we seen gassing after claiming to run 20 miles a day while we see some guys coming in looking in borderline shape and kicking ass for an entire fight?
    It's all about what you're doing and the pace, not how much of it.
     
  16. surferdude

    surferdude Blue Belt

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    Mayhem is the man
     
  17. ou81fist

    ou81fist Yellow Belt

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    Jason "mayhem" Miller by trailer park conditioning
     
  18. thaiboxgrappler

    thaiboxgrappler ******* *******

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    Funny AND great advice. I started training sprints kinda like this about 4 months ago. The difference is definitely real. Mayhem is great.
     
  19. HogRock

    HogRock Guest

    Sprints should be the basis for all good cardio routines. The man knows his shit.
     
  20. Schellhαrdt™

    Schellhαrdt™ Brown Belt

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    lol miller is a funny dude..
     

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