How to Get a Hernia with Daniel, Matt, and Calen.

[HULKAMANIA]

This log is Daniel's, Matt's, and Calen's. We're all newbs, but we're busily getting huge with hernia inducing intensity. When I (the author) am at home and not away at school we all work out together in my basement. We don't have great equipment, but we get it done nonetheless. We deadlift, we squat, we climb ropes, we run, we lever sledges, we push cars, we smash grippers, we farmer walk, we do tabatas--you name it. This log will chronicle all that.

You see, we've all got grand and glorious goals and it might take a hernia or two to get there. Daniel, for instance, wants to be capable of manhandling mentally handicapped children with greater vigor and power. He also wants to jump into a lake this summer with 3 seven year olds in tow. Calen wants to transform his body into an tireless, hulking human juggernaut of death and destruction. Matt's goals are... Well, no one really knows what Matt's goals are, but one of them is presumably to win back his girlfriend by becoming a real, honest to goodness adult male. In the pursuit of these and other goals, we're learning to exercise with intensity and focus. We're learning to yell obscenities at one another in the middle of lifts. We're learning to heave iron with furious violence and anger. We're beginning to scare people that stop by to see us.

But like all newbs, we want to be members of a good gym. Our gym, "The Basement," ranks as one of the top gyms in Clarksville, TN. To be a member, however, you have to deadlift 405 pounds so right now there are none. There are just a few guys who hang around there and newb the place up, namely us. This log will chronicle that quest, too.

We're also in a contest with one another. More on that later.

Right now, we're going to get this log rolling (PUN!). We hope that, if you take the time to peruse it, you might learn something or you might take the time to teach us something or at the very least you'll be amused for a little bit. Without further ado, we give you "How to Get a Hernia with Daniel, Matt, and Calen."

(PS: The person to correctly guess what screen names belong to which real life names gets a prize. You only get one guess, though.)

 

[HULKAMANIA]

Age: 22
Started Lifting: January 2005
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 195-200 lbs

 

[386]

Age: 22
Started Lifting: May 2005
Height: 172 centimeters (~5 feet 8 inches American)
Weight: 68 kilograms (~150 American pounds)

 

[HULKAMANIA]

NEWSFLASH: 7.3 meters does not equal 5'8".

 

[386]

You're putting a needle in this thread.

 

[poo]

Age: 22
Sign: Cancer
Height: ~175cm (~5'8"ish)
Weight: ~79.5kg (~175lbs)

 

[farmboy]

I'm excited to see how this all goes.

 

[bacon]

Hulk = Dan
386 = Calen
poo = Matt

 

[HULKAMANIA]

Ok, I'm not going to say whether or not anyone is correct until we're about a month or so in or else you guys will get it by process of elimination in a couple days. Out of curiosity, though, I wonder why you made those choices.

 

[bacon]

I'd like to tell you that I used deductive reasoning, statistical analysis and chaos math using infinite human behavioral patterns as a variable....but in all honesty, I just guessed.

 

[Kory Kraig Kyle]

I am a vegetarian, but not really.

 

[HULKAMANIA]

You're hilarious, Kory. Go find another forum; this one isn't for vegetarians.

 

[HULKAMANIA]

I'll get this show on the road, then.

Core and Grip

I know that medicine balls are the end-all-be-all of core development, but unfortunately I can't get a hold of any. I had to use the following inferior methods of training my abdominal wall and the surrounding muscles:

Decline 3 Way Sit Ups

+25x12
+30x9
+35x6

Barbell Side Bends

95x6
115x5
115x5

Full Contact Twists

90x8
135x6
135x6

Ab Pulldowns

100x10
140x8
160x6

Hanging Leg Raises

10
10
8

The gym was pretty crowded with a bunch of tardcakes fresh into their New Year's resolution ot get a hot bod, and I got looks on pretty much every exercise I did. I actually overheard one guy say, "You don't really want to do abs with weights. You don't want them to get bigger, just cut." Why God why?

After I had finished all that crap I did some gripper work. My hands were rather shot, but I still closed the #2 twice right handed and did some overcrushes and repetition sets with the #1 in my left. I also did plate pinches. I worked up to rowing 60x3 from the floor in my right hand and 60x2 in my left. In a couple weeks I hope to pull 70 from the floor. Watch out Carnal here I come.

 

[386]

You're hilarious, Kory. Go find another forum; this one isn't for vegetarians.

I beg to differ.

 

[HULKAMANIA]

You eat fish stfu.

 

[poo]

i hope this isn't too complicated with all of us posting in the same long.
for the record, 386 gave up fish for 2006.
i don't know what the prize is, and i doubt hulkamania does, either.
and kory, you're a jerk!

so...

"Light" DL

i worked out in the basement with 386, kory, and that guy that can't squat. our light DL day turned into a bit heavier than we planned, but we just went with it. kory wanted to max. he didn't work out for four months or whatever, and came in with a +1000000 to his previous PR. what a jerk. but since he was loading the bar, i caught the bug and wanted to go with what he had on there. i meant to do some higher reps for "light" day...but anyways...

i will beat hulkamania to the position as first member of the basement gym.

DL
205x7
225x5
255x5
305x3
305x3 (lots of effort)

BOR
~90 for 3x7ish (could've and should've done more weight)

chins
5, 5, 4 (little effort)

stretched and called it a day.

 

[HULKAMANIA]

Deadlift 1-27-06

I wanted to set a deadlift PR today. Two weeks ago, I pulled 380 from the floor in a rather authoritative manner, but didn't have any more Olympic weights to stick on the bar in my home gym so I couldn't try for 390.

When I woke up this morning, I wanted to shoot for 395.

I had a couple problems, though. First of all, my abs and my obliques were in the throes of DOMS from my workout on wednesday. When I moved my hips forward, I could feel pain and a little bit of strain in my abdominal wall. I wondered whether this would screw with my deadlift poundage. Second of all, I would be lifting in the school gym. I've always done my best lifting at home. I can listen to music, I can shout obscenities freely, and I am not distracted by a horde of aimless metros drifting idly from the bench to bench.

I took care of the first problem by greasing up with IcyHot, downing some Ibuprofen, and chugging a nice cup of coffee before I went into the gym. I wasn't feeling anything but the blood pumping in my neck.

I did a couple warm up sets. Then I chalked up and jumped to 355. It didn't come up very easily, and my back rounded halfway through the lift. Suddenly, my hopes of setting a PR fell. I almost talked myself into dropping the weight, doing some heavy triples, and calling it a day. But, as I sat there staring at the bar, I remembered an old mantra from good old Sherdog:

MOVE THE FUCKING WEIGHT, SHITHEAD.

I began repeating that to myself over and over, visualizing the bar springing from the floor like bouncy ball. I tossed my Bison chalk back and forth between my hands, watching the bar--hating the bar. Then I walked up to that sucker and pulled it like it was a couple of dimes. I smelled blood; I smelled weakness. The four plates were vulnerable to me.

Five minutes later, I pulled them, too--eight wheels in all from the floor to lockout. My form was solid; it felt amazing. I realized that barbell hasn't got shit on me. I'm going to be at 450 before the summer. In the hieghts of my magnesium carbonate induced ecstasy, I decided to punish myself further.

Bent Over Rows

155x6
165x6
170x6
170x6
185x4

Chins (palms supinated)

+35 pounds x 5
+45 pounds x 4

Shrugs

135x22
225x10
185x16
90 (DBs) x 10

Romanian Deadlifts

225x6
275x3

The gym, although she is a cruel and fickle mistress, treated me well today. After the deadlift, I felt good; I felt like I wanted to fight all twenty seven tardcakes hovering around the two flat benches at once; I felt like I wanted to wield the Olympic bar like a huge club and wade into them, sending them once and for all screaming out of the front door. I did chins instead, but they still looked at me like I had just got them with a surprise iron bar up the ass. I wanted to make a joke like, "NOT USED TO HAVING SOMETHING HEAVY HANGING BETWEEN YOUR LEGS?" Then I was like, "Well, let's face it, odds are a couple of them are more well endowed than me." My wang did grow today, however. Just so you know.

 

[386]

I'm rather bad at actually posting my logs. I write them down, but actually logging in and typing this is going to have to be something I learn to do habitually. Even with a wireless equipped gym and a wireless laptop in my backpack I still can't seem to get myself to do this. So that last day poo did: I did about exactly the same thing. My DL weight only went up to 285 and the pyramid'ed back down in my set, though. 285x5 is rough! 80% is needed to officially join the gym at 405, though. Right?

This lady that I work with talked to me yesterday. Usually we just say "hello" and "How are you doing, whatever-your-name is?" and so on . But today she said, "Hey whatever-your-name-is, do you work out?" and I replied "Yes." and figured that she must have heard something from a friend in the building. And then she said "I can tell. It shows in your pecs." I said "Okay." And she said "You're supposed to say Groovey, Baby!" I am not a bodybuilder. I am not a bodybuilder. I am not a bodybuilder. I have to keep telling myself that. So I stayed away from the bench (initially) because I thought it was too much a "chest-day!" excercise and that's exactly what I'm not working for.

I was alone in the gym today. My usual cohert was busy working, and my rookie cohert was busy not showing up. So after waiting, it was time for the solo. I turned on "Make Yourself Sick" by Boys Night Out and commenced with the terribleness while drinking Sam's Choice waters. Two of em!

Overhead Press 01-27-2006
85x5x5

Close Grip Bench
115x7x3

I then decided that I needed to start doing some excercises to help my bench a little more, so the lameness insued.

Chest Flies (weight is one arm)
25x10
30x10x2

Weighted Dips (with 25lb weight)
7
6
6

And since this was a "heavy" workout day I felt like I had done nothing. I wasn't sore. I wasn't spent. I didn't know what else to do. So I did what I don't. I tried to set a PR on my bench after a pretty good workout.

Bench
135x1
145x1
155x0 (nope!)

This is where I failed. I'd never been in a situation without a spot where I needed a spot. And going for a PR on bench when the body is mostly spent wasn't the best of ideas. So I did the push-the-bar-forward-until-you-can-sit-up-and-get-it-off-somehow. It was rather funny.

So then it was burnout time.

95x8
95x7

Here again, I failed. And as much as you want to push that bar off you, it just doesn't happen. With less weight, it was easier this time. And I continued because I could still lift the bar.

95x5

And here is where I fell for the third time. All I could do was laugh. I'm ridiculous.

It wasn't a very "heavy" workout. I was sort of disappointed.

 

[Grady]

You guys are hilarious!

 

[poo]

i got this sweet cd by a band called "love like... electrocution," so i played mostly track 8 on repeat today. i was absent yesterday because of work, but today i made up for what i meant to do yesterday. i haven't had a job for a couple of months... i forgot all about how it interferes with training.

i pretty much did today what 386 did yesterday, except with slightly more weight. also, i did not do chest flies, and i substituted reverse grip for close grip. yay. first time i ever tried reverse. it was pretty crazy. also, i skipped weighted dips and threw in dips to failure at the end.

this is what it looked like:
OVERHEAD PRESS 5x5
REVERSE GRIP BENCH 3x8
CLASSIC BENCH PRESS ...whatever
BW DIPS 100000x1000000
SKULLCRUSHERS 0x0

this was the worst day of my life, except for this:

hulkamania's dad came downstairs and said "SHOW ME THE DEADLIFT!" it was awesome. i bet hulk wishes more people said that at his fake gym. so we showed him the deadlift. he was excited. he's probably over there now doing it.

and congrats to hulk for becoming the first member... freaking jerk