How long do i have to pretend to be healthy before a blood test?

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Clippy, Dec 17, 2016.

  1. Clippy

    Clippy I survived the gas station hotdog

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    I'm thinking of going in two days for doctor ordered blood tests. So only drinking water and no cherry pop and liquor and chips and cibnamon rolls and liquor.

    Is that long enough to fake out my blood tests or should I go longer like say a week. Just it's hard with Christmas and my birthday

    I pkan on being full on healthy in 2017 but want to enjoy my last Christmas with delucious delicious food

    Doc says I have slightly high colesteral and blood pressure
     
  2. BisexualMMA

    BisexualMMA Don't Put My Name in the Name of Steroids!

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    Well, were you given directions about fasting or not fasting?
     
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  3. Clippy

    Clippy I survived the gas station hotdog

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    13 hour fast
     
  4. Clippy

    Clippy I survived the gas station hotdog

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    I'm also getting xrays to find out why the right side of my body doesn't work.
     
  5. BisexualMMA

    BisexualMMA Don't Put My Name in the Name of Steroids!

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    Don't be one of those ladies that starves themselves for a day before going to Weight Watchers and stepping on the scale, then buys out the entire inventory at Dunkin Donuts for lunch. Your best bet is to get it done in two days as planned, and that way, if you actually want to fake out your doctor, you'll at least get the results in before you trash your body over the Christmas break.
     
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  6. Clippy

    Clippy I survived the gas station hotdog

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    What if I donated blood today to get the bad blood out?
     
  7. michal001

    michal001 Yellow Card Yellow Card

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    What blood test?

    HIV? You'll need full body blood transfusion right before test

    Cholesterol? One week of oatmeal, fruits, and water

    The betes? One week of vegetables and water

    Drug test? Do every drug imaginable. Will confuse the test. Won't know how to interpret. will think it's an error.
     
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  8. OverPressure

    OverPressure Rem Lezar melts steel beams

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    Clippy, the tests will show mild malnutrition and dehydration.
    Low blood sugar.
    You can't fool the tests and I urge you not to try. It sounds like you need real numbers.
     
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  9. Kalmah

    Kalmah Gold Belt

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    Why even get a blood test if you're going to try and fuck with the results?
     
  10. Tycho Brah

    Tycho Brah Zero Shift Belt Platinum Member

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    Your glycated hemoglobin reflects your blood sugar over the past few months, so skipping out on treats for a week isn't going to prevent you from being diagnosed with diabetes.

    If your blood looks like shit on the regular you should probably be aware of that instead of trying to fake out the measurements that are being done for your benefit.

    Unless you're applying for insurance or something.
     
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  11. NoGoodNamesLeft

    NoGoodNamesLeft Black Belt

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    dont listen to the nay sayers clippy. if you think you can fool the bloodtest go for it. you dont know what ur capable of until you try!
     
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  12. michal001

    michal001 Yellow Card Yellow Card

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    Don't believe the glycated hemoglobin story above. A simple blood letting with blood transfusion from a healthy donor will improve your betes glycated hemoglobin.
     
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  13. Tycho Brah

    Tycho Brah Zero Shift Belt Platinum Member

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    Can't argue with that, but we should also probably mention that he'd have to collect transfusions from all of the different blood types to become truly immune to all possible adverse outcomes.

    There's your A+ right there, Clip.
     
  14. El_Dyablo619

    El_Dyablo619 Head of C.I.A.

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    Probably has to do something about you eating like shit. Theres mo "quick way" other than changing your lifestyle you fatty
     
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  15. Zipp

    Zipp Purple Belt

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    Why would you not want a blood test to be accurate?
     
  16. Clippy

    Clippy I survived the gas station hotdog

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    I dont want to take pills
     
  17. Anung Un Rama

    Anung Un Rama Idol of Millions Platinum Member

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    If your BP, cholesterol, or blood sugar is high, there are things you can do without taking pills that may bring the numbers down within normal range.
    Do what you normally do so you can get honest numbers and then talk to you doctor about options.
     
  18. Clippy

    Clippy I survived the gas station hotdog

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    I failed every test I ever took in my life I will not fail my blood tests too.
     
  19. Kardashians

    Kardashians ☆ sitting on the moon ☽

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    Just steal the blood when they're not looking n run away with it. They can't judge you then
     
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  20. Kardashians

    Kardashians ☆ sitting on the moon ☽

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    . . . Drink your blood once you get home so they never find it. So nobody ever finds it. And judges you.
     
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