How come they don't make silent pop tabs or quiet chip bags?

[Clippy]

Every time I want to sneak an energy drink at work

SNAP - POP - RIVVLE

So loud - there gotta be a better way

And when I bring large bag of kettle chips in theaters

SPLIFF RIP SPHOFF!!

Fuck it's so hard

And when I sneak a footlong meatball sub in there and a meatball rolls away

SPLOOSH

 

[Loiosh]

They're both silent.

Your Snack Fu is weak.

 

[loyalyolayal]

Every time I want to sneak an energy drink at work

SNAP - POP - RIVVLE

So loud - there gotta be a better way

And when I bring large bag of kettle chips in theaters

SPLIFF RIP SPHOFF!!

Fuck it's so hard

And when I sneak a footlong meatball sub in there and a meatball rolls away

SPLOOSH

People with opposable thumbs don't have these problems.

 

[Clippy]

They're both silent.

Your Snack Fu is weak.

I just tried to sneak open a Rockstar Killer Grape and when I popped the tab it was so loud it echoed and someone down the hall was like

WHAT WAS TAHT!!!??!

 

[Loiosh]

I just tried to sneak open a Rockstar Killer Grape and when I popped the tab it was so loud it echoed and someone down the hall was like

WHAT WAS TAHT!!!??!

Apply pressure on the tab with one finger while tearing it off with the other hand.

Here endeth the lesson.

 

[OverCoronavirus Pressure]

*Captain Clippy*

"Mister Mayberry, pick a heading, take us to warp, and engage potato chip cloaking device! I've got a galactic sized case of the munchies... I'll be in my Ready Room."

 

[Swiftie]

What I hate is that a chip bag is only filled half way with chips and the rest is air.

 

[Loiosh]

What I hate is that a chip bag is only filled half way with chips and the rest is air.

It isn't air. That would make the chips go stale.

It's nitrogen gas, which keeps the chips fresh and protects them from damage.

 

[Otto!]

They made them this way to keep Special Forces guys in shape. Now they can’t eat delicious Doritos while sneaking up on the bad guys to died them. Hence, special forces guys do not eat chips and drink pop on the job, and remain fit.

True story.

 

[Clippy]

They made them this way to keep Special Forces guys in shape. Now they can’t eat delicious Doritos while sneaking up on the bad guys to died them. Hence, special forces guys do not eat chips and drink pop on the job, and remain fit.

True story.

Couldn't they fire assault rifles in the air to distract from opening noises?

 

[loisestrad]

Chips in movie theaters don't annoy me much.

People talking in movie theaters during the movie annoy the fuck out of me. I get annoyed right now just by thinking of it.

 

[Otto!]

Chips in movie theaters don't annoy me much.

People talking in movie theaters during the movie annoy the fuck out of me. I get annoyed right now just by thinking of it.

This. Even worse than that are the idiots who check their cell phones during the movie. This is worth a Mark Hunt atomic butt drop from 3 rows up.

 

[Clippy]

Chips in movie theaters don't annoy me much.

People talking in movie theaters during the movie annoy the fuck out of me. I get annoyed right now just by thinking of it.

I get annoyed when someone sits directly in front of me and I can no longer user their chair back top as a foot rest

 

[Otto!]

Couldn't they fire assault rifles in the air to distract from opening noises?

Why didn’t they think of that?

 

[Loiosh]

Chips in movie theaters don't annoy me much.

People talking in movie theaters during the movie annoy the fuck out of me. I get annoyed right now just by thinking of it.

Kill the first one to make too much noise or annoy you with the light from their phone.

The rest will fall into line, ensuring a peaceful viewing experience.

 

[Loiosh]

I get annoyed when someone sits directly in front of me and I can no longer user their chair back top as a foot rest

Clippy, Clippy, Clippy.

Use it anyways.

They'll move.

 

[SamSchmidt]

Every time I want to sneak an energy drink at work

SNAP - POP - RIVVLE

So loud - there gotta be a better way

And when I bring large bag of kettle chips in theaters

SPLIFF RIP SPHOFF!!

Fuck it's so hard

And when I sneak a footlong meatball sub in there and a meatball rolls away

SPLOOSH

Especially when I'm not trying to wake up my roomate, cuz he always bitches when he comes out and finds me already drinking whiskey.

I'm all for this solution just so I don't have to hear anymore bitching about going to AA. I need my fucking chasers

 

[MikeMcMann]

my pet peeve is popcorn in movies.

Say a word to someone in a movie or peek at a text and people act like you are ruining the movie with the distraction. Often time the same people are eating popcorn which is very loud and can be a constant noise the entire movie thru.

Ban popcorn!!

 

[Clippy]

my pet peeve is popcorn in movies.

Say a word to someone in a movie or peek at a text and people act like you are ruining the movie with the distraction. Often time the same people are eating popcorn which is very loud and can be a constant noise the entire movie thru.

Ban popcorn!!

I never saw "A Silent Place" Or whatever that office Jim movie was

But it seems like the worst movie to munch through ever

 

[GSP_37]

If it hasn't already, some congressman/woman will authorize spending millions of dollars to find the answer to this riddle.