Herpes-positive monkeys reported in Florida

SwamiLeoni

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I have finally fallen into accepting the ACA and their "Pre-existing Condition" clause, seeing as though we will be entering a "Outbreak" scenario in the coming weeks.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/blogs/gone-viral/os-herpes-monkeys-florida-091713,0,2764147.post

Herpes-positive monkeys reported in Florida
Rhesus monkeys that test positive for herpes B, a virus that can be deadly in humans, have been found in parts of Florida. However, cases of humans contracting the virus are extremely rare.

Reports of herpes-infested monkeys gliding through Florida’s trees were circulated around the web last week, and oddly enough, the reports are true.

But it’s probably not the kind of herpes you’re thinking of.

For non-human primates, including the rhesus monkeys found in Florida, the herpes B virus is relatively harmless, but if a person becomes infected it can be deadly.

For a human to contract the herpes B virus from a monkey, he or she would need to be scratched or bitten by an infected monkey, or come in contact with its bodily fluids, according to the CDC.

From there, the person would start to experience fever, chills, flu-like aches and small blisters at the site of the infection. If it goes untreated, the herpes B virus can travel to the central nervous system, cause swelling of the brain and leave its victim dead.

Fortunately, herpes B infection in humans is extremely rare. Only 31 people have been diagnosed with herpes B since the virus was discovered in 1932, according to the CDC. Of those 31 cases, 21 proved to be fatal.
 
AIDS, herpes, what's next?
 
I feel like this is an extremely racist metaphor
 
Edit: Out of curiosity, can anyone see the video below? I can't and I'm wondering if it's iOS 7 problem.

Second edit: now that I edited it I can see it.

 
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Wouldn't be too worried, sine you have to get bit or splooged on by a monkey in order to get infected (be careful faustican). And if that happened, I'm sure there a host of other zoonotic diseases to worry about aside from herpes B.
 
Wouldn't be too worried, sine you have to get bit or splooged on by a monkey in order to get infected (be careful faustican). And if that happened, I'm sure there a host of other zoonotic diseases to worry about aside from herpes B.

Well I guess you can get it from being bit, and its a deadly type of herpes.
 
Well I guess you can get it from being bit, and its a deadly type of herpes.

Yeah I said that bra. How many people in Florida get bitten by monkeys each year, though? Like I said, unless you like man-on-monkey action or get into altercations with them, you'll be OK.

Plus, rhesus monkeys aren't endemic to the US. I just read there are 1000 of them living there, and they've caught 700 in the past decade. Just murder them all if it makes you sleep better at night--shouldn't be too hard to justify. They're probably fucking up the ecosystem, you know, invasive species and all that, and now they're a public health threat.

State should offer $100 for ever rhesus monkey hide you bring in. There'll be a few rednecks who die of herpes B, but I guarantee those swampy good ol' boys will destroy the entire population within a month. Unleash the Jim Bobs.
 
Yeah I said that bra. How many people in Florida get bitten by monkeys each year, though? Like I said, unless you like man-on-monkey action or get into altercations with them, you'll be OK.

Plus, rhesus monkeys aren't endemic to the US. I just read there are 1000 of them living there, and they've caught 700 in the past decade. Just murder them all if it makes you sleep better at night--shouldn't be too hard to justify. They're probably fucking up the ecosystem, you know, invasive species and all that, and now they're a public health threat.

State should offer $100 for ever rhesus monkey hide you bring in. They'll be a few rednecks who die of herpes B, but I guarantee those swampy good ol' boys will destroy the entire population within a month. Unleash the Jim Bobs.

Whoops miss read your post. I guess I would be more worried about tourist trips than I would people humping Monkeys. I think there are over a 1,000 of them, and monkeys bang each other all the time. It could spread pretty quickly. But ya, roast'um if we need to.
 
Of course "America's Wang" is where an exotic herpes outbreak would initiate
 
Sexing monkeys just got a little less safe.
 
end of the world

i bet the four horsemen have a bad case of the herp
 
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