Greatest Threats You've Ever Heard

You want me to beat your dick off?I'll beat your dick off with both hands, what's up, let's go.
 
"Listen Wanderlei, I will do a home invasion on
you. I will cut the power to your house and the
next thing you'll hear is me climbing up your
stairs in a pair of night vision goggles I bought
in the back of Soldier of Fortune magazine. I'll
pick the lock to the master room door, take a
picture of you in bed with the Nogueira
brothers working on your 'jiu-jitsu'. I'll take
said quote unquote photograph, post it at
dorksfrombrazil.com, password - not required,
username - not required. That, Wanderlei, is
how you threaten someone. Dummy."

This thread needs more Cheal
 
“If Brock Lesnar was here right now, I’d take my
boot off and throw it at him, and he’d better
polish it up before he brings it back to me.
Talking about he’s the baddest guy in the UFC?
Brock, quit eating so many raw eggs and doing
push-ups because it’s affecting your realm of
reality. Are you kidding me? I’d slap you in your
face, and you wouldn’t do anything. ‘I’m Brock
Lesnar. I’ve got this $5 haircut and a knife
tattooed on my chest.’ I’ll shove it up your face if
you get in Chael Sonnen’s way.”
 
“You tell Anderson Silva I’m coming over. I’m
kicking in his back door and I’m pattin’ his old lady
on the ass and I’m telling her to make me a
steak, medium rare just how I like it.”
 
“Anderson, think it through. There’s still a couple
months left before they lock that cage behind me
and you. Last time, they raised your hand, but it
was plain to see. I took a lot more outta you than
you took outta me. I broke the mirror and I blew
away the smoke. It was me who tapped, but it
was you who broke. So, Anderson … my friend,
think it through. Who ya gonna send?
Frankenstein Nogueira or your lap dog Ed Soares
with a couple of rusty pistols and a beat up Ford
Taurus? If they shoot like you fight, all they’re
gonna do is bore us with your overrated standup
and your takedown defense that’s porous. Karate
boy Machida, will he show up with some fresh
warm peepee in a Starbucks cup? Wanderlei,
Vitor, Babalu himself, I’ll give ‘em all beatings and
put ‘em back on the shelf. Come on trains,
planes, or bikes, but here’s a little advice don’t
send no one you like, cause you come to my
home running your mouth you’re gonna be shakin’
hands with Jesus or the man further South. So
get in the gym and work on your sprawl. I just
talked to Uncle Dana and it’s winner take all. I’m
gonna leave you with some string and a whole
buncha welts. You’re gonna need it keep your
pants up, Anderson, cause I’m taking your belt!”
 
"Ill stick my foot so far up your ass it will tickle your teeth"
 
[YT]cROJW9Jn3ds[/YT]

All your base are belong to us

Let me bang, bro

I'll beat you so bad the only thing left will be your tiny, miserable, shriveled up dick, which I'll step on and squish into a liquid that I will drink off the ground
 
i don't know where he heard it but my dad made a threat one time that makes me roll every time i think about it.

he was having a dispute with this guy at a hardware store over a return and he told the guy: "i don't know if it's going to be you, or if it's going to be me; but somebody is going to get their ass kicked today."

the funniest part was my dad was like 5'9" and a buck seventy, and the guy behind the counter was 6'2" or 3" and easily over 250. would of put money on my dad though, and im not just saying that because he was my dad.
 
Last edited:
Your mothers are going to cry when they see what I've done to you.
 
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

-Shooter McGavin
 
The greatest threats I ever heard were from people who I knew would follow through on them:

1: Older guy at the gym with a sketchy past got into it with a young "bro". The young guy is popping off and was generally making a scene. The older man looked at him dead in the eye and said "I am willing to go back to prison for a chance to shut you up". Something about his intonation made it clear he was being dead serious. The young guy says "fuck this" and leaves the gym.

2) When I was a teenager I worked at the local bus station selling tickets. There was an older Croatian/Serbian guy (I could never tell which one), who was really polite and soft spoken - looked like he would never hurt a fly. One day he snapped when some "explosive" youth were harassing him for his change. He turns to them and says "I have fought in wars and seen and done some terrible things - those are only half as bad as what I'm going to do to you". Surprisingly, the kids backed down and moved onto a different target.
 
"How 'bout I open your face like a bag of chips, buds?"

Guy in my regiment, before a bar fight. Other guy backed down.
 
Saw a fight starting at a bar that was just about to get physical. While they were threatening each other, the tone kept getting louder and louder. Then, out of fucking no where, one of the guys screams with violent intentions "mother fucker!!!! I will suck your dick!!!!!". It garnered enough confusion from the other gentleman to stop the inevitable pugilism that was about to ensue. All of the onlookers were too weirded out to laugh. Definitely the best way to end a fight I have ever seen.
 
"I've been to viet-fucking-nam boy, WTF you gonna show me"

-random barber dude who looked like George Carlin
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,236,581
Messages
55,428,238
Members
174,774
Latest member
Judoka_Noob

Share this page

Back
Top