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Forgiveness is freedom. Holding onto that resentment and anger is so taxing, it takes A LOT of energy that you don't even realize you're wasting.
Thats the shit that causes cancerForgiveness is freedom. Holding onto that resentment and anger is so taxing, it takes A LOT of energy that you don't even realize you're wasting.
For sure mate, the reason I made this thread is evidence enough that there is something nagging within me. I have these two conflicting thoughts pulling me and sometimes I wonder which pull is the resistance and which is not. If I try to get closer to my parents, is it because it’s something I really want deep inside? I feel more comfortable maintaining the current status quo, but is it because I’m scared of what I really want? The only way for me find out is to really try, and I guess I am, kind of, ever so slowly. I try to interact with my parents with bit more warmth and kindness but I have trouble opening up to them, which is something I’m good at with chicks I barely know. My parents barely know me and I barely know them, but being genuine with them is terrifying for some reason.You say that you dont want a closer relationship because you feel it is better for everybody and you feel more at peace with it, but I ask you then... why did you take the time to write that long post then? is it because you are seeking validation from a a bunch of unknowns on sherdog? It seems to me that just by the act of writing that post on sherdog it shows that you are not completely comfortable with your take on the relationship, it tells me that you have doubts and you want to hear others so you can explore those doubts within yourself.
The more that you "resist" something in the universe, the more than you will attract it, this universe doesnt work in negatives, we attract and match same vibrational frequencies and by the mere fact that you always have "that relationship" in your mind you are matching that vibrational frequency and you are attracting it, thats why you think about it all the time and thats why you wrote this post.
Why is it baffling? There are no qualifications to become a parent and some people I wouldn't trust to watch my goldfish for a week.Yeah, it never made any sense to me, but still there are literally millions of shithead parents out there.
I feel that you are seeking validation from your parents (which is normal for every human being) and it hurts you that you dont find it. As I said we have to start from the point of view that your parents are flawed and the more you accept that the better you will feel. It doesnt mean they are bad people they are just flawed like you and I are, but its important that you grow and expand from it, not feel victimized by itFor sure mate, the reason I made this thread is evidence enough that there is something nagging within me. I have these two conflicting thoughts pulling me and sometimes I wonder which pull is the resistance and which is not. If I try to get closer to my parents, is it because it’s something I really want deep inside? I feel more comfortable maintaining the current status quo, but is it because I’m scared of what I really want? The only way for me find out is to really try, and I guess I am, kind of, ever so slowly. I try to interact with my parents with bit more warmth and kindness but I have trouble opening up to them, which is something I’m good at with chicks I barely know. My parents barely know me and I barely know them, but being genuine with them is terrifying for some reason.
One time when my dad had one of his outbursts of anger, he yelled at me that I have no fucking goals in life and live without thinking, to which I replied in frustration that I think about killing myself. That made him pause and he has been treating a bit differently since then. Perhaps it will be a catalyst for more open honesty between us. Although one time I told my mom that to which she said she doesn’t give a shit lol. Kind of funny in retrospect. I wonder how they would react if I talk about all the chicks I’ve fucked and how I cheated on exes and shit. They want me to get married and have kids in the foreseeable future and how they’ll be disappointed about how much of a man-whore I can be.
I used to hold on to a lot of anger and resentment towards my parents for how they treated me since childhood and I don’t have that anymore, at least on an intellectual level. I know that they did their best with what they have while trying to deal with their own issues. Regardless of whether or not they were “good” parents, it isn’t healthy for me to hold on to any sort of anger or resent against them, or anybody.
I still have some feelings I push down but I am trying to let all of it go. The most recent incident of these pent up emotions coming out was when my dad got really angry at me a few days ago. My dad has issues with anger and perhaps depression, which he addresses by getting wasted pretty much every other day. This time he was also drunk and he asked me something, which I didn’t answer because I was distracted by something and didn’t hear him. At this, he flew into a rage where he started screaming at me from the top of his lungs. I’m sure to bystanders he looked like an insane person. I was just there looking at him confused at why he was so angry and couldn’t express how he feels like a normal adult, while he’s screaming at me. It I was still a child, he would have grabbed the nearest object and started beating me with it but he knows I can defend myself now. There’s a part of me that wanted to see how far I can push him but I said I’m sorry and he calmed down.
I grew up with so much anger and after episodes like this, I used to smash things and punch things out of frustration but I am much better at dealing with my emotions now. I did feel anger simmering inside me when I got home and I took a few deep breaths and let it go. A part of me wanted to cry or scream or punch something but I resisted doing that.
Other than the rare moments like the above, I am for the most part “cool” with my parents. The relationship is purely functional. I talk to my parents whenever we need something from each other like when my mom needs to borrow my car or she wants to give me some food she made. Part of the reason I limit my interaction with them is to avoid situations like I mentioned, but mostly I realized I don’t find them interesting as people. If my friends were like my parents, I would stop hanging out with them for my own happiness and well-being even if I didn’t hate them. But they are my parents so cutting them off doesn’t seem right.
I feel okay with the idea of maintaining the relationship as it is but some people tell me I may regret it later if I don’t try to become closer with them. I am unsure as I don’t like being around my parents’ negativity and narrow-minded views. As harsh as it sounds, I simply am not that interested in them as people and I don’t even know what a “close” relationship with them would look like as I have never had that with them. I can try to be compassionate and understanding with them, but do I need to be close with them? I am not sure if my subtle wanting to improve my relationship with them is something that I really want for myself, or I just feel this way because that’s what society tells me one should do.
Cliffs:
1. Would you regret having a dispassionate relationship with your parents?