For the guys with families

Discussion in 'Grappling Technique' started by Dead Roman, Jul 18, 2010.

  1. Dead Roman

    Dead Roman Orange Belt

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    My wife and I have been married just shy of a year and we have a baby on the way. Obviously these massive changes in my life are having a big affect on the way I look at things. Ive been at my curent job as a fire alarm tech for almost 2 years and have just recently been promoted to A lead technician on a probationary basis. This basically means 90 days as a crew leader to see how I do before they give me a raise. It comes with a few perks so the probationary period isnt really a big deal. I love Jiu jitsu. Ive been going consistently for a year now and have pretty much adapted the mindset that its going to be a part of my life for a very long time. It takes up alot of my spare time 2-4 times a week and costs a fair amount of money. Do you guys with families ever feel selfish about your jiu jitsu habits? I have other hobbies, but I am dropping all those just so I dont have to give up jiu jitsu. Also, My boss and some of my co-workers kind of look at this as "oh hes the karate kid" and dont take it seriously. While I dont feel like it is a distraction from my work, I am hauling ass out the door at 6:00pm to make it to class when I do have class.


    What do you guys think?
     
  2. Breadcutter

    Breadcutter Yellow Belt

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    Yeah, become a master of efficiency and you'll be fine. Always make the time for quality time with the family. What your co-workers think is meaningless. Before kids, I thought I didn't have any time, but even after, i still make it 4-5 times a week. My wife is very supportive and has come to accept it as more of part of the lifestyle as opposed to the "hobby". I don't waste time on junk stuff and honestly, the internet is one of my few guilty pleasures, but it's limited to maybe 30 minutes a day. The garbage to cut out is a lot of the internet stuff, television, other hobbies, etc. Also, bust ass at work to make more money and not work as much. Seriously. I've sacrificed some training at times to help meet longer term goals, like training more often. Think of the big picture.
     
  3. crocoppertones

    crocoppertones Silver Belt

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    ALL of THIS!

    and congrats on the bambino TS!
     
  4. smokemeasweet

    smokemeasweet Orange Belt

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    With a baby coming, you have to put training on the backburner for a while. But this doesn't mean you have to stop completely and it certainly doesn't mean your love for it will die. Just put the correct things first and everything will fall into place. Who knows, you could be teaching your son/daughter certain techniques in a matter of years....
     
  5. Spoken

    Spoken Gold Belt

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    Im almost in the same position. I did BJJ for years, stopped, got married, and then started again. Sometimes, shit happens and money is tight. Like, I had to pay a medical bill from years before my wife and I were together that costed $5,700. At the same time, we moved into a new apartment which costed about $1,200 up front. That destroyed our savings. I told my wife I was gonna stop doing BJJ for a month to save the money but she told me not to.

    I dont want to spend money when we don't have it on a hobby, but at the same time, I need my separation. I need my thing. Something that I can own. So I talk to my teacher... we work it out.

    In fact, I've had teachers at other gyms I've trained at offer to make a payment plan or give me a break for a month. Honestly, I'd talk to your teacher if money is tight.
    If its all about time, maybe you should only train 2-3 times a week and have a conversation with your wife about needing your own time and explain your passion for the sport? As your wife, I assume she'd get it.

    my 2 cents.

    ps. I only assume you know you can't train fora bit once the baby is born ;)
     
  6. Jagcorps_esq

    Jagcorps_esq Red Belt

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    You're going to fill your time and spend your money on something. It's that simple. Every person has a measure of the lone wolf in them and they need that alone time. Some play golf, video games, bars with friends, pool etc.

    At the end of the day, I find that I spend no more money on BJJ than I ever have on any other hobby. I also find that I spend no more time on it than any other hobby. Sure, it might take me away from the house on a more regular basis, but the hours tend to be about the same.

    I have two kids, 3 and 5. I spend lots of time with them, but I train too. When I don't train, I feel negative about everything and it makes my time with them less enjoyable for all involved. When I train, I want to spend more time with them and the time I spend with them is better used. I'm healthier, more active, and I can play longer when I'm with them.

    Sure, you could train too much. You might have to back it down some, but training itself is not an evil that must be stamped out in order to be with family.
     
  7. nodice

    nodice White Belt

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    You cant be a good Father or Husband unless you give yourself headspace,same goes for Mum as well.I am a better person when I am training.
     
  8. fighting.spirit

    fighting.spirit Yellow Belt

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    When my daughter was born, I took a long time off from grappling training. It did feel selfish that I keep going to classes 4X a week, when my wife had just gone through something as tough as giving birth. I used that time to up my strength and cardio by doing as much exercise as I could in the house. I also rolled with guys whenever I had the chance. Roughly six to eight months later, I was back. As soon as you can get your expenses right and your wife can develop a good schedule for herself, things will work out.
     
  9. virtuoso

    virtuoso Blue Belt

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    I actually just had a baby boy (he's 2 weeks old right now)! Congrats that you're having a baby!

    Anyway, I used to train about 4 times a week at my school, but I cut it down to 2 times so that I can spend more time with my wife and son. However, I talked with one of the other guys at my school and he wants to practice outside of the gym during our free time. I just bought some mats to put down in my garage and we are gonna drill the stuff we learn in class one day out of the week.

    So, really I'm training 3 times a week, and one of those training times I can just walk inside and see my wife and son. I think my situation turned our well, so I thought I would just share that cause it might work for you. Congrats again!

    Tyler
     
  10. curb1850

    curb1850 Green Belt

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    Congrats on the baby. I've been through this three times. If it is a time issue, then cut back to twice a week for a couple weeks then slowly get into a routine that will work.

    If it is money, taking some time off or talking to your academy might be the right answer. They may understand and give you a break for month, who knows.
     
  11. koolinkunming

    koolinkunming Silver Belt

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    This thread has a Mayberryish feel to it. But yeah, you'll have to cut back on the jiu jitsu for a few months to a year. Your family comes first always. But as soon as your kid's big enough to, bring him/her with you. That's exactly what's gonna be happening for me when my wife needs a break. Your kid will grow up with it. Look where it got the Gracies. If your wife is supportive of your training and the time it requires, big plus.

    I guess I'm spoiled in a way because my wife's dad is a Taiqi master/Qigong master/former fighter and she understands what goes into it. If you have the support and can work out your schedule to fit quality time with the family and take care of your job and the jiu jitsu, all the power to you. If there's conflicts, you'll have to make sacrifices in some of those areas. If it comes right down to it, jiu jitsu would be the one to suffer, unless you're gonna be a world champ someday. But still, never give it up all together. Ever. Every husband/dad needs his own time, whether it's going out with buddies, golf, bjj or whatever.
     
  12. Darkslide632

    Darkslide632 Brown Belt

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    I found that I still had plenty of free time once I had my son. And there was never any sense of selfishness. That being said, I also find, now that he is 3, that I prefer spending all of that free time with him as opposed to being at class. It's not even remotely a contest. In fact I skipped BJJ class last night because we were at the beach.

    He has shown interest in "doin' Judo" with me, and if it turns out that he continues to enjoy it as time goes on, my time at classes may pick up. But as it stands, class is nowhere near #1 on my list of priorities.

    At some point, years down the road from now, you're going to have to look at whatever belt it is that you happen to obtain, and ask yourself whether or not it was worth giving up time with your kid(s). For me, the answer is/was REAL easy to answer. No way. I don't even remotely understand how the lack of grappling could possibly have a negative impact on how I feel when I am with my son. He brings me far more happiness than grappling ever could.

    Everyone needs a hobby, that's for sure. Spending time doing stuff with my son is mine. Your results may vary.
     
  13. koolinkunming

    koolinkunming Silver Belt

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    And this. I get bitchy when I haven't gone for more than 3 days.
     
  14. GetBeasty

    GetBeasty Orange Belt

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    There are most definitely sacrifices that must be made when you have a family. I have a two year old son and a wife, so this is something I experience often. My wife understands that BJJ is a passion of mine, and if we have a family event come up, it is the first thing that gets put on the backburner.

    I am looking forward to bringing my son along when he gets old enough.
     
  15. Oak

    Oak 栄誉

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    I dropped all my other hobbies and unnecessary expenses to allow for BJJ to continue. I have also stopped going out and drinking due to BJJ which in a way offsets the cost just right there.

    I go 3 days a week, but spend time with my son on those days before I go. The rest of the week is all for the family.

    My wife likes when I go to BJJ and is very supportive of it. She knows it means a lot to me and it helps keep me sane.
     

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