Einarr's Viking Funeral

[mattemate]

Nnnooooooo!!!!!!!!

 

[TenderLoving]

This thread delivers, just like this one did.

http://forums.sherdog.com/forums/f12/who-thinks-einarr-2572285/

To celebrate the ALPHA that was Einarr the icelander:

After setting a new gym record on O soto Garis, Einarr decided that a celebration was in order. Einarr told his boy Lex to round up the crew, because they were going hunting for cardio bunnies. Lex called up their other training partner, Mongo. Mongo is a 6'8" 305 lb. Judo monster. To give you an idea, he takes in 5000 cals while cutting, and has an IV stuck into his arm with protein flowing in at all times to avoid going catabolic.

they headed out to the club, all dressed to the nines. Lex in sweatpants, an Affliction tshirt, and of course his trusty crowbar. Mongo was wearing leather pants, a white beater, with his Judo Belt around his waist. Einarr decided to try some peacocking, and wore a pink beater, complimented by a pink top hat and pink Chuck Taylor shoes.

they ran into a little trouble at the door, when the bouncer told them they weren't properly dressed for the establishment. Mongo stepped up to the plate. Bumping into him, Mongo screamed "You sure about that?" The bouncer, terrified, changed his mind but asked for the $20 cover charge. "Cover charge? Just be lucky you're still alive, punk. We ain't paying a cover charge." Lex and Einarr walked in, lats flaring, while Mongo entered the side door (too big to fit through the front door).

they scoped out the situation, and it looked pretty grim. A club packed with white belts and a bunch of 8 and 9's. Einarr shook his head. As you know, Einarr only porks 10's.

A few minutes later, a group of 8.5's approached them.

8.5: Hi...ummm... we heard you guys were alpha males and we wanted to know if we could hang out with you tonight?

Einarr fought off the urge to vomit (8.5's... gross!) and replied, "You know, you've got a lot of nerve coming over here. Don't you think I'm a little out of your league, cupcake? Now get out of here, you're threatening my alpha status."

<Einarr Seois one of the 8.5's over his shoulder>


<instant ippon>



Einarr was getting impatient. "Mongo, find me a 10 NOW!" he snarled at him. Mongo took out his binoculars and scanned the crowd.

Mongo: I see a 10 cardio bunny at the bar, drinking a martini.
Einarr: Any grappling activity in the area?
Mongo: I dont see any... just a white belt.
Einarr: I'm going in.

Einarr lat flared it over to this broac, and first approached the white belt who was hitting on her. He was wearing a Hawaiin Poke Bowl T-shirt "End of the road, White belt. Step aside and let me handle this cardio bunny."

White belt: Get lost.

Normally, Einarr would have stomped him into the ground, but with Mongo in the club he felt it was unnecessary.

Einarr: <grabbing the white belt by the throat> Look, you f**kin cumbelt, you better get the f**k out of here before we have a problem. See that guy over there, that's a 6'8" 300 lb. Judo Player. If you don't leave this club now, and never come back, the cops are gonna have to call the boys down at Hawaiin Poke Bowl to ID your body.

The white belt ran away screaming and Einarr moved in on the cardio bunny. "Your lucky day, baby. You get to spend the evening with Doctor Swole. Wanna feel my pythons?"

Cardio Bunny: What do you think I am, some cheap slut just looking to get laid? I'm better than that.
Einarr: Oh I get it. You look at me and all you see is shredded quads, 18 inch pythons, and abs you could do laundry on. I'm more than a piece of meat here.

Einarr turned around to leave.

Cardio Bunny: I'm sorry, did you say 18 inch pythons? My name's Isabelle.
Einarr: Doctor Swole.
CB: Oh, a doctor? What kind?
Einarr: A uhhh... gynocologist.
CB: Really? How did you get into that?
Einarr: Well, I guess you can say I just love the pussy.

Lex approached Einarr with a look of concern on his face. "Mongo's IV is out of whey. We need to get him some protein before he goes catabolic and gets into a rage."

Einarr: F**k. How long do we have?
Lex: 15, 20 minutes tops.

CB: Do you have to go? Well here's my phone number, why dont you call me sometime and we can go to a museum or something.

Einarr looked at her phone number in disgust. "Look cupcake, I'm going on a gynocologist exposition in the Phillipines for the next year. Tonight may be our last night together. We should make the most of it."

CB: If you say so, Doctor Swole.

Einarr took her out to his BMW and they started going at it. Einarr hit it doggystyle and finished off by giving her a pearl necklace (the only jewelry Einarr will ever buy for a woman.)

Einarr lit up a joint and closed his eyes. Lex and Mongo approached the BMW. "We gotta go now, Doc, Mongo's gonna get catabolic."

Einarr told the cardio bunny to leave the car. "I had a great time, Doc. My gynocologist never treated me like that"

Lex and Mongo roared with laughter. "He's no gynocologist. This is Einarr, one of the most notorious Alpha Males on the planet!"

Cardio bunny had a look of denial on her face. "Tell me thats not true! Are you even a real doctor?"

Einarr: <taking a puff of the joint> I'm no doctor... but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Lex and Mongo roared with laughter. Einarr stepped on the gas and accelerated away from the cardio bunny. She coughed when inhaling his exhaust fumes, and by the time she stopped Einarr had turned the corner. He wondered if she had seen his ALPHA1 license plate, but it's inconsequential. he would never see her again. Einarr's speedometer hit 95 as he raced to Mongo's for whey shakes all around.

Lex: Going a little fast Einarr?
Einarr: <taking a drag from the joint> Those protein shakes ain't gonna mix themselves.

 

[Judo Thai Boxer]

Yeah I thought that was funny as hell, the guy was obviously a huge DC fan who wrote it though - Lex & Mongul (sounds like Mongo on the cartoons).

 

[Ippwnage]

Oh noes, you've cut me to my core, you random internet jackass you.

Go cry about the loss of another internet jackass some more.

but no one would cry over you. if you got banned no one would give a fuck as you contribute nothing.
you seem to be butthurt because someone that frequents this board got banned and people gave a shit. just because you are jealous doesn't mean you have to come on here like a little bitch gloating. some people i guess are just fucking miserable. have fun.

 

[Leify]

but no one would cry over you. if you got banned no one would give a fuck as you contribute nothing.
you seem to be butthurt because someone that frequents this board got banned and people gave a shit. just because you are jealous doesn't mean you have to come on here like a little bitch gloating. some people i guess are just fucking miserable. have fun.

Mourning the banning of someone (let alone a shitty troll with the occasional contribution) sure sounds a lot like what someone with 1k posts in a month would care about.

I certainly hope no one mourns my eventual departure. That would be rather sad in and of itself.

 

[Uchi Mata]

Mourning the banning of someone (let alone a shitty troll with the occasional contribution) sure sounds a lot like what someone with 1k posts in a month would care about.

I certainly hope no one mourns my eventual departure. That would be rather sad in and of itself.

Why would that be sad? I've made friends on this board, some of the people I train with in real life who have become good friends I initially talked to on F12. The community of people who are serious about grappling (which Einarr was if he was anything) is pretty small and diffuse, there are really only two message boards to connect with other practitioners around the world and it sucks when active participants leave. Especially ones who were as funny, albeit often unintentionally, as Einarr. Nothing wrong with wanting to maintain an active and entertaining digital grappling community.

 

[Leify]

I just find the notion of unrequited feelings to be sad. I have no friendships on this forum, nor do I want any. I do have a decade long friendship with two people I met online in my youth, and who I now road trip with every spring, so the concept of online friendship isn't alien to me.

If you have meaningful friendships here, more power to you. I'm just not going to pretend I liked Einarr (although it surprises me that apparently many did), or pretend I care about some random kid like Ippwnage getting rustled about that opinion.

 

[kjg1672]

To celebrate the ALPHA that was Einarr the icelander:

RIP Snoop Dogg. Einarr brought out the best in you.

 

[Zankou]

Snoop Dogg's story was incredibly hilarious, and deserves repeated re-reads.

I have to admit, my jimmies are very hard to rustle, and I hate losing posters who actually understand grappling and make interesting comments about it. Even if they are gimmicky. Hayliks, for example, was a total hardass who was always raging at people, but that makes for entertaining forum discussion *when the guy actually knows how to grapple* and isn't just a pure gimmick.

 

[Kaffe]

Einarr was funny both when it was intentional and unintentional. I will miss his posts, and shall welcome the completely unrelated poster O Soto Viking when he starts posting in the judo thread.

 

[Gambledub]

I just find the notion of unrequited feelings to be sad. I have no friendships on this forum, nor do I want any. I do have a decade long friendship with two people I met online in my youth, and who I now road trip with every spring, so the concept of online friendship isn't alien to me.

If you have meaningful friendships here, more power to you. I'm just not going to pretend I liked Einarr (although it surprises me that apparently many did), or pretend I care about some random kid like Ippwnage getting rustled about that opinion.

I wouldn't consider Einarr a friend, but I and I think many others enjoyed his posts. If you didn't find him entertaining fair enough, but he had a lot of good advice and insight, especially on anything Osoto related. Personally I will miss that the most.

Is it really that hard to not see why people would miss someone who knows what they're talking about. There are a bunch of people that post here that I would miss if they left, regardless if i'm friendly with them or not.

 

[Balto]

I just find the notion of unrequited feelings to be sad. I have no friendships on this forum, nor do I want any. I do have a decade long friendship with two people I met online in my youth, and who I now road trip with every spring, so the concept of online friendship isn't alien to me.

If you have meaningful friendships here, more power to you. I'm just not going to pretend I liked Einarr (although it surprises me that apparently many did), or pretend I care about some random kid like Ippwnage getting rustled about that opinion.

I have made some pretty solid real life friendships with posters on here. I'm glad I did.

Einarr was a blowhard, but I miss him.

 

[Ice 9 Cobra]

If you couldn't enjoy the posts of a man who felt homosexuality was causing little kids to become wimps but also wanted to bang femininine transsexuals, then you take the Internet to seriously

 

[Zankou]

If you couldn't enjoy the posts of a man who felt homosexuality was causing little kids to become wimps but also wanted to bang femininine transsexuals, then you take the Internet to seriously

I think he expressed it even more strongly than that, he felt that anybody who would *not* want to bang feminine transsexuals was obviously homosexual. And homosexuality is wrong. Therefore, you are objectionably gay if you don't want to have gay sex with a tranny.

 

[Balto]

If you couldn't enjoy the posts of a man who felt homosexuality was causing little kids to become wimps but also wanted to bang femininine transsexuals, then you take the Internet to seriously

Even better:

If you did NOT want to bang said transsexual, that was proof that you were actually gay.

 

[Balto]

I think he expressed it even more strongly than that, he felt that anybody who would *not* want to bang feminine transsexuals was obviously homosexual. And homosexuality is wrong. Therefore, you are objectionably gay if you don't want to have gay sex with a tranny.

Lol beat me to it.

The legacy of Einarr lives in our hearts.

 

[Was Exiled]

About that Einnar story with Mongo and Lex (not quoting it) it says he's shredded. I always imagined him in my head as being pretty fat for some reason.

 

[Leify]

About that Einnar story with Mongo and Lex (not quoting it) it says he's shredded. I always imagined him in my head as being pretty fat for some reason.

It makes more sense if you know that that's a story from bodybuilding.com or 4chan, just slightly altered for Einarr being a Judoka.

 

[Uchi Mata]

About that Einnar story with Mongo and Lex (not quoting it) it says he's shredded. I always imagined him in my head as being pretty fat for some reason.

Probably because he was almost certainly pretty fat. I picture him as muscular fat, moderately tall. I know he was +100 kg

 

[kjg1672]

I can't believe I missed all the tranny-related posts. This is all fresh news to me. I missed out on so much fun.