Domestic Violence.

[Bagatur]

wtf? 3 per day seems like a very high number. got any source on it?

 

[Kowboy Karl]

The dynamics of Control and power.

And it's a cycle

Abuse guilt honeymoon fantasy setup abuse.

Until men believe in equality in relationships and respect the women they are with they are doomed.

 

[method115]

Seems rough, your friend really should try to get her to go to counseling with him but I'm guessing he's already tried and hit a wall.

I'm not sure he's tried I haven't talked to him about it. I do know her though she's very hard headed and stubborn I doubt she would ever do it. Basically she's the one in control of that relationship and what happens and when.

I honestly don't feel he should do any of that I think he should just leave her. I've told him that several times. He's always been like this since I've known him though every girl takes advantage of him and he lets it happen.

 

[Islam Imamate]

I'm not sure he's tried I haven't talked to him about it. I do know her though she's very hard headed and stubborn I doubt she would ever do it. Basically she's the one in control of that relationship and what happens and when.

I honestly don't feel he should do any of that I think he should just leave her. I've told him that several times. He's always been like this since I've known him though every girl takes advantage of him and he lets it happen.

If they have kids then I think there should be some effort put into improving the relationship before abandoning it in the form of marriage counseling. If he's routinely taken advantage of then leaving his current wife isn't going to fix that.

I know some people are resistant to that sort of counseling though. I know of a couple that divorced a few years ago. The husband insisted on marriage counseling but the wife was resistant to the idea, being adamant about the divorce, and didn't stick with it long. If you go in with your mind closed and made up its not going to be a game changer. Those two got divorced and recently the now ex-wife actually called her ex-husband asking if they can reconcile. This is after he begged her to stay, gave her the house and let her have custody of the kid, she put herself in debt getting plastic surgery, and after the husband had moved on and started a relationship with another woman.

 

[JDragon]

Yep. The even more fucked up part is that when they were going to get divorced she filed false abuse charges on him.

I assume that false abuse charges are pretty common. I know of a case (my Mother in law) where this happened. Husband was cheating, a drunkard and a horrible overall person. She wanted to make sure she got custody and her attorney told her to play the 'he beat me' card to speed things up. I assume this happens all the time when kids are in the equation.

 

[method115]

If they have kids then I think there should be some effort put into improving the relationship before abandoning it in the form of marriage counseling. If he's routinely taken advantage of then leaving his current wife isn't going to fix that.

I know some people are resistant to that sort of counseling though. I know of a couple that divorced a few years ago. The husband insisted on marriage counseling but the wife was resistant to the idea, being adamant about the divorce, and didn't stick with it long. If you go in with your mind closed and made up its not going to be a game changer. Those two got divorced and recently the now ex-wife actually called her ex-husband asking if they can reconcile. This is after he begged her to stay, gave her the house and let her have custody of the kid, she put herself in debt getting plastic surgery, and after the husband had moved on and started a relationship with another woman.

Yea I normally would agree with you but there is a lot more that happened in this relationship. She at one point had a serious drug problem (Vicodin) and banged this dude who is like a friend of her families so now my friend sees this guy every now and then knowing what happened. Then she went and sucked her ex BF's dick. My ex told me all this shit (they were hanging out at the time) and I made her tell my friend and then I broke up with her cause we've had similar issues and I was just done with the drug thing. I tried to help her get off the vicodin but she couldn't and I told her to GTFO.

I'll admit these days things seem a lot better between them and she does seem a lot better. During parties now she seems to have more control and not be one of those people who doesn't know when they've had enough. He's just a really good dude and he deserves someone a lot better then that. Then she almost got him fired from his job (makes over 150,000/yr maybe more now) by sending an email to all his contacts because she thought he was sleeping with some old women who was a client and only wanted to work with him. This women brought in millions for his company but she talked a lot on the phone and his wife hated it. Luckily his boss already knew how crazy she was and let it go but made it clear that it could never happen again.

 

[method115]

I assume that false abuse charges are pretty common. I know of a case (my Mother in law) where this happened. Husband was cheating, a drunkard and a horrible overall person. She wanted to make sure she got custody and her attorney told her to play the 'he beat me' card to speed things up. I assume this happens all the time when kids are in the equation.

Wow I'm surprised the lawyer told her to do that. It's so messed up to do that to someone. Having that on your record looks horrible when looking for another job.

 

[SakuMemories]

Is there any study on the religious beliefs, church attendance and home-maker status of wives which correlates those three traits with domestic violence?

Not AFAIK. But I assume we are allowed to use derived knowledge (ie we can reason) instead of empirical evidence. Thus conservative relationships are ideal if one wants to commit violence, since they are specifically created for the woman to have less freedom. Doesn't mean that they make people more violent, but its just easier to get away with it.

Yea I normally would agree with you but there is a lot more that happened in this relationship. She at one point had a serious drug problem (Vicodin) and banged this dude who is like a friend of her families so now my friend sees this guy every now and then knowing what happened. Then she went and sucked her ex BF's dick. My ex told me all this shit (they were hanging out at the time) and I made her tell my friend and then I broke up with her cause we've had similar issues and I was just done with the drug thing. I tried to help her get off the vicodin but she couldn't and I told her to GTFO.

Apologies for interjecting in your personal story, but I know a woman almost identical to your friend. Let me tell you this: Your friend likes it. He honestly enjoys being a doormat and that is OK (as long as his physical health is not threatened, that is), maybe there is even sexual gratification to it. So maybe try not to "correct" his behavior but just be supportive as you undoubtedly already are. Again sorry but I just wanted to give my 2 cents.

 

[method115]

Apologies for interjecting in your personal story, but I know a woman almost identical to your friend. Let me tell you this: Your friend likes it. He honestly enjoys being a doormat and that is OK (as long as his physical health is not threatened, that is), maybe there is even sexual gratification to it. So maybe try not to "correct" his behavior but just be supportive as you undoubtedly already are. Again sorry but I just wanted to give my 2 cents.

Ha I never thought of it like that I was leaning towards low self esteem. Your right though he might just like it. I really don't try to correct his behavior at all in fact I've never told him a lot of this stuff about him being treated like crap by all his GF's. I just simply tell him he should leave her (whenever they break up). If they're together I never say stuff like that I don't want to be fucking with his head he's got enough shit going on. If they break up though he always comes over a lot and I tell him to stay broken up and don't go running back.

 

[Forkfoot]

Also, men can just as easily be victims of domestic violence so no matter what SJW idiots want to say it's not a one way "transaction" so to speak.

The OP says that three women die of domestic violence in the United States every day. How many men do you reckon die of domestic violence in the United States every day? Three? More than three? Far, far, not-even-close way less than three? Take your best guess.

 

[panamaican]

It's the result of people who are looking to dominate the power dynamic in their homes and that's the method they know best. Maybe they're bullies to everyone they meet. Maybe they feel impotent outside of the home and use domestic violence to reassert some control. Maybe it's the model they saw growing up, etc. Maybe their spouse just pushed their button one time too many.

This is going to sound callous but domestic violence is just picking a fight with the person you live with, as opposed to picking that fight with a stranger.

 

[panamaican]

wtf? 3 per day seems like a very high number. got any source on it?

It's less than 1200/year in a country with over 66 million married women. We can chalk our numbers up to the fact that you can't get rid of every psycho, no matter how hard you try.

 

[Gregolian]

The OP says that three women die of domestic violence in the United States every day. How many men do you reckon die of domestic violence in the United States every day? Three? More than three? Far, far, not-even-close way less than three? Take your best guess.

Does it fucking matter if they die or is it better if they just end up in a coma after taking a fucking frying pan to the head?

 

[Forkfoot]

Does it fucking matter if they die or is it better if they just end up in a coma after taking a fucking frying pan to the head?

I'm sure that happens, and that sucks, but let's not pretend women-on-man domestic abuse is at all the same animal as man-on-woman domestic abuse. Even with injuries alone like in your above hypothetical scenario, the average cost of emergency care for domestic violence related incidents for women is $948, whereas the average cost for men is $387. That statistic includes homosexual relationships. It's just easier for a man to keep from being seriously injured, and it's easier for a man to injure a partner than for a woman to. So just looking at the numbers it is clearly worthwhile for female victimization to be emphasized over male.

 

[hbdope]

It's mandatory to report abuse for people under 18 and over 65 but anywhere in between falls into a gray area that puts the choice on the adult whether or not to report abuse.

This is important because 44% murdered by their partner had an ED visit within 2 years of the homicide, and 93% of Intimate Partner homicides had at least one Emergency Department Visit, which suggests that ongoing violence occurred before the homicide thus presenting an opportunity for providers to intervene. Put this in contrast with 4% who visited a violence shelter in the preceding year.

There are many factors that impede a woman or man leaving an abusive relationship but ultimately it is their choice whether or not to. Most relationships, after all, start with some sort of consent. Education, low socioeconomic status, abuse/witnessing abuse as a child...all contribute as risk factors towards domestic abuse

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15187761

 

[Islam Imamate]

Yea I normally would agree with you but there is a lot more that happened in this relationship. She at one point had a serious drug problem (Vicodin) and banged this dude who is like a friend of her families so now my friend sees this guy every now and then knowing what happened. Then she went and sucked her ex BF's dick. My ex told me all this shit (they were hanging out at the time) and I made her tell my friend and then I broke up with her cause we've had similar issues and I was just done with the drug thing. I tried to help her get off the vicodin but she couldn't and I told her to GTFO.

I'll admit these days things seem a lot better between them and she does seem a lot better. During parties now she seems to have more control and not be one of those people who doesn't know when they've had enough. He's just a really good dude and he deserves someone a lot better then that. Then she almost got him fired from his job (makes over 150,000/yr maybe more now) by sending an email to all his contacts because she thought he was sleeping with some old women who was a client and only wanted to work with him. This women brought in millions for his company but she talked a lot on the phone and his wife hated it. Luckily his boss already knew how crazy she was and let it go but made it clear that it could never happen again.

If things look better then now is as good a time for them to enter counseling as ever. The wife might be less receptive later if things go south. Couldn't hurt as long as your buddy approaches her correctly, making sure not to phrase the proposition in such a way so as to make it seem as if she is doing something wrong(even if she is).

Ha I never thought of it like that I was leaning towards low self esteem. Your right though he might just like it. I really don't try to correct his behavior at all in fact I've never told him a lot of this stuff about him being treated like crap by all his GF's. I just simply tell him he should leave her (whenever they break up). If they're together I never say stuff like that I don't want to be fucking with his head he's got enough shit going on. If they break up though he always comes over a lot and I tell him to stay broken up and don't go running back.

I think your guess about low self esteem makes more sense. Certainly its possible he enjoys it but it seems to me more likely that he doesn't really like his chances as a bachelor.