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Does doing something for someone when they didn't ask you always deserve a thank you?

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by revoltub, Nov 18, 2020.

  1. revoltub Gold Card

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    Or overall gratitude?

    Let me give you an example. Back in college we had a friend who used to stop by all the time. There were 4 of us in the house and several other lingerers including this guy who was somewhat ocd.

    The guy used to take it upon himself to start cleaning our house for us, causing a shit ton of noise and complaining in the process about how unclean it was. Again he didn't live there. This didn't include our bedrooms which we kept clean, we just didn't have time to clean the mess in the open parts of the house because of how bad the partying would mess it up. College ya know.

    Anyway we try and tell the guy that he doesn't need to clean anything because we were trying to watch a movie and get high but he won't stop.

    Then he starts getting all offensive, saying things like "Im hear cleaning your house for you and I can't even get a thank you. You should be grateful"

    We tried to explain to the guy that we never asked him to clean anything, and also explained that he doesn't live there and shouldn't worry about it. It was pretty obvious to me that he was doing it because he was OCD or took too much speed.

    So who was right? Should we have been super thankful for his "selfless act" or was he just bothering us with his mental/drug issues in order to fish for clout? Egoism?

    At what point does a selfless act become a selfish act?

    We ended up kicking him out btw until he calmed down.
     
  2. scorpipede eschewal

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    I tend to think there are no selfless acts.
     
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  3. revoltub Gold Card

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    Yeah that's why I added egoism to the OP. I'm not 100% convinced that there are no selfless acts, but id say most are done for some selfish reason.
     
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  4. hohner Titanium Belt

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    They usually deserve one, but almost never require one.
     
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  5. fuct. Gold Belt

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    what does it hurt?
     
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  6. Fluffernutter Gold Belt

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    "Look, I rearranged your office and got you a standing desk."

    "Why?"

    "Because you spend all day sitting and now your laptop is closer to the recharge station."

    "But, I was fine the way things were."

    "But, this is better.

    "I don't care. It was fine the way it was."


    Argument ensues
     
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  7. revoltub Gold Card

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    Didn't want to encourage him. Like I said he was being distracting.
     
  8. genecop Gold Belt

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    Me 2....Like
     
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  9. revoltub Gold Card

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    Yes that's what I'm saying! Lol
     
  10. scorpipede eschewal

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    Yeah we had a similar convo about this some time back I think.

    It's not to say that there aren't degrees of selfishness or that acts can't be good or great, just that they're driven more by a need from within. But good point. It's too absolute to think there aren't any at all.
     
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  11. Goon Dog Furio Belt

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    I would answer your question, but it sounds like you wouldn't thank me for my trouble so go fuck yourself.
     
  12. Ichibanner Brown Belt

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    People do selfless things all of the time unless you count the sense of well being or such as reward. My friend does volunteer work among homeless because he feels it's the right thing to do. He doesn't get compensation as he spends hours among dirty, smelly strangers who may or may not appreciate it.

    There was a 6 year old boy who saved his little sister from a dog attack this year. He sprung into action because it was the right thing to do, his instincts kicked in, and he selflessly acted in defense of somebody in need. That's the purest form of a selfless act; one that is done without thought and without instant gratification.
     
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  13. Slobodan Вело ;) Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    Not true, I let @lsa post here even though he causes all sorts of trouble and annoys me to no end.
     
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  14. Alphaboy Gold Belt

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    I always thank intent. I'd say something along the lines of

    "I appreciate you cleaning the house, but it isn't necessary." Or

    "Please leave that I'll take care of it. Thanks though."

    If he gets mad after that, that's on him.
     
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  15. Social Distance Warrior Banned Banned

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    Well what's the harm in it. .

    When I hold a door open for someone or stop at a cross walk to let someone cross the street I expect a thank you or a wave to acknowledge.

    Granted I'm not asking for cartwheels or a parade but a kind gesture should be reciprocated with a kind gesture
     
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  16. scorpipede eschewal

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    And for that, sir, you're to be commended.

    86221.gif
     
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  17. scorpipede eschewal

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    But every now and then, like maybe 1 out of 20 or 25, a fuckin cartwheel would be nice.
     
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  18. jx820 Silver Belt

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    No, gratitude should be expressed when you're grateful for something. So if someone holds the door when you didn't ask, and you're grateful, you thank them. If someone comes to your place, makes a bunch of noise after being asked or told not to and won't let you just chill and decompress that's not a scenario that calls for gratitude.

    If I come home from work and my nighbor is in my yard with a backhoe digging me a swimming pool, well that's very generous of him, but I don't want a pool and now my property is destroyed. I don't owe that guy my thanks for his generousity... also does anyone know the best way to refill a swiming pool hole?
     
  19. scorpipede eschewal

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    I think that's the part that makes the acts not completely selfless. They're still great, the effects are not tainted in any measurable way, but there's a degree of selfishness to it.

    In the instance of the little boy he couldn't not do what he did. It's in this little badass motherfucker to put his sister first. Plain and simple. But he would have been destroyed mentally and emotionally had he not done what he did. Sense of self-preservation kicked in...ok that's a stretch. That could be one of the few acts that don't fit the mold of the theory.
     
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  20. Social Distance Warrior Banned Banned

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    right?? is that too much to fu*king ask for?!?!
     

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